Great couple of days, but I would be lying if I said I had not been freaking out a little. I am petrified of the dentist. Even though she is one of my closest friends, I just do not do well with them and it is a stressful event for me. So much so that I generally have to be knocked out to go. However, I do not drink alcohol and have a highly additictive personality so I have this catch 22 of also hating to take any narcotics. Dr. Miles, Sandra, perscribed me the valium for the appointement that was going to take 3 hours yesterday..and I was ready to take them. A couple of nights before somethign happened where I remember a family member who had been severly additcted, and not of her own fault at all given the time and circumstances of the way women in particularly were hooked on those drugs, to these pills, and it got me to thinking...I just don't need to do this. I was also dealing with a friend who is withdrawing from nicotine and as we were talking I shared with him my use of the serenity prayer and how, many years ago, when I went through another issue in my life adn in years since then, when I have gone through things that I just could not or felt I could not handle on my own, that prayer literally saved my life. Funny..or not so funny how things come up when you need them. So, I said it, and I used it and i showed up for my dentist appointment and not only did I get through it..I laughed during that apppointement..I took pictures..I actually had a good time..if such a thing could happen in a dentist chair! But seriously..I saw the blue sky about the beautiful chruch across the street..I saw sandra's blue compassionate eyes..I felt the warmth of everyone in that office..all becuase I got out of my fear, turned it over to somethign greater than myself and let go...
I say all this, becuase so much of this journey has been about that..saying the serenity prayer..that wisdom..courage, strength..acceptance....becoming GREATER THAN..through love and support. God...a higher power working through others and really seeing it..still....in news ways everyday..in such beautiful ways.
This week has been abundant in this. I have seen it in an old friend who is now a Lutheran minister (and Lord knows from our college days he has grown! LOL!) but he has always been such a loving person and this week, he shared somethign that was EXACTLY what I need to share with others about so much fo the hate I was seeing in the world. My own mother had an experience, that while frightening, showed how much love was around her, in neighbors, my step dad, michael and the amazing staff at New Hanover, I saw it in my Rotary from someone who is so different than myself who honored me..but saw how we were alike..I saw in work from my students as they spent so much time writing thank you notes to their donors for their scholarships, I saw it at home when Michael went and got us dinner after I spent those three hours in that chair..such a simple, but loving act....
Damn, It is such a blessing to see all this love and all this goodness...and it is there...It can be so hard to see somedays because of all the mess in the world..but it is there...and I have not even captured it all!
Thanks be..Thanks be to God!
Thanks Be for the serenity Prayer!
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.