Sunday, December 01, 2013

greater than through love and support: restart

accountability. more than anything that is what this blog was and is for me. For a long time now I have let this blog be only the conduit by which I have shared the radio show and the solutions that it presents, but I have not been sharing for me, the continuaition of the journey that I was given so readily and freely these four years and counting. I need this. I need to be accountable and use the tools that I have found and that I continue to find to stay doing what i know to be right and healthy for me or, as the saying goes, I begin to fill out the application for the job of tearing down my success.

In fact, i have been off the beam for some time now. It hasn't been all that dramatic in terms of what has been going on, but life has been moving on and pretty hectic. Nothing new for me, but my keeping an eye out for those things that keep me healthy while stress and changes were a foot where definitely not happening.  Eating for me is a way to satiate a lot of anxiety. I don't drink or drug, so finding comfort in food is a given. Over these years I have shared about this and when headed down that trail or that behavior I blogged about it or "told on myself" and was able to right the course. This time, well, I just kept on keeping on, thinking I would "fix it" my self or would "start over" on Monday. No, this journey is "greater than through love and support and it is about one day at a time" for me. That means that if there was something in today that was not healthy, and I was granted another day, it was the next day I had to make the course correction...not the beginning of the week or the beginning of the year. All setting some alternative date does and did was allow the side of me that needed to be fed with things that were not good for me to have more time. Nope...not gonna work.

The other side was the "i',m gonna fix this". Oh yes. I am responsible. There is no doubt. But I know me well enough to know when I am not sharing what is going on, it is my way to sneak around and hide my behavior. By "telling on myself" letting YOU in, by letting people I care about who care about me know what is going on, I am far less likely to make poor decisions. No, I am not expecting you or anyone else to tell me what to do, but I have exposed it and I am no longer alone with it and I believe that I am supported and can do the best for me. I have enough hindsight under my belt to know that for sure!

it is by no coincidence that I am mentoring someone who, when this person wishes to get away with things that he knows are not good for himself, all of a sudden I am not getting calls! Hmmm....well, that is the mirror being held up to little old me! Love how that works! LOL! But it does work that way and it has been a blessing. I am better for this blog, for the relationships that I have, for the love I give and for the love I recieve..but I am also better when I am not doing things to myself which are not healthy. Eating poorly, not taking care of me..well, that is just not good and so here I am..and restart has begun..and I am glad I am able to share this journey with each of day at a time!