Thursday, August 05, 2010

Day 209: See Less of Bo: Journey with Adam Freeman and the Cape Fear Heart Walk

got up..put one foot in front of the other..and not only here am I, but had a good day(this is wed). Actually today had some milestones in it. So, I am glad I showed up.

I did hit snooze a couple of times (ok...8 times!) my plan to bike to the gym this morni
ng went out the window. But I did go to the gym. Even though Adam is out this week, I did my work out. I did 10 minutes at level 14 on the elliptical to warm up, then got busy on the bozo ball with 2 sets of 20 squats with curl and over head at 17.5 weights in hand, 2 sets of 20 push ups (and today seemed a little off for both push ups and chest presses in that I had to rest to get through the sets..but I got through!), 2 sets of chest presses at 90lbs x 20, 2 sets of pull downs at 110 lbs at 20, 2 sets of sitting squats at 210 lbs x 20, 2 sets of crunch machine at 20 at 110 lbs, and 2 sets of the back stretchers thing at 150lbs at 20. I felt good about my work out and then went home and got ready for work.

It was good to get back to the office after a few days off and with the emotional ups and downs, it was nice to have the focus. I had a visit from one of my former students from 2004 that I ADORE and she just became a PA and has a young man in her life. It was such a gift to sit with her and her soon to be fiance and just share their joy. What a blessing and so much love! It reminded me of why and how lucky I am to have the job that i have. Then another very special student we have had came in to share that she got hired in wake county and will be teaching this coming year. Just such good news and such an abundance of life to balance some of the issues around going on..progressing and happening. God is good. Life happens.

Then I checked my inbox and there were two messages from two of my oldest from a spiritual mentor/friend/ someone I see and feel when it is the time I need to hear my soul, the other, my brother and someone I know as well as he knows me no matter how long it has been since we have seen each other. In both emails, there was empathy, sharing, and wisdom that touched me so much! One line from one of the email resonates so much with me "How can I be so happy and content, and so existentially sorrowful at the same time?" In this was what i feel sometimes....and I get it...and through this journey..not just the weight loss, but the last 21 years, I have come to hear and understand that there is this paradox....there are just some things to resolve...what is so amazing is that while there are things to be resolved, I am given the ability to truly embrace  my life and feel gratitude.

I shared back that I remembered years ago a very simple, but wonderful thing I was taught when overwhelemed with my own emotions or problems. To pray that my higher power take those problems just far enough away that I could be To visual a hand holding all that I could not handle..the burden that seemed to much, and hand it back to me as I was capable. See, I developed a true faith that I was NEVER given more than I could handle in a single trusting that that hand would be there was possible for me. I had forgotten that image lately..and yesterday when she shared that..I thought about it and prayed that he (I have that relationship with my God, but don't impose the gender on others..btw) take this..not away..cause it is not going away..I have to walk through this and these changes..but pray that I can walk through it, as she said with "grace and dignity" and with some peace..and as I saw that hand, as I have so often, I felt relief...or at least room to feel more and have a good day! What a blessing!

During work, I found out that the City Council had passed a resolution to name the Cross City Trail for my dear freind, Gary Shell. A truly visionary man, whom I owe so much too. An amazing person. Even though I had worked out in the morning, I needed to go ride the trail as a celebration and did just that. I cannot remember a time I have riden that fast and it felt so great! I broke down in tears of gratitude that I can have this opporunity in my life. I literally had to stop as "farther along" was playing on my IPOD. It is amazing how much can actually transpire in a day!

So, by the time I got home, I had a great salad, ate too many pretzels..but in the end, had one hell of a great day! Thanks be!

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