Well, I wish I could say what a difference a day makes.ok..so three LOL! ...but actually I am doing better than I was on Monday..partly because we are back to a little normal, no snow life, and partly because I SWEAR everytime I have turned around this week i have had some message, some person, some thing that reminds me to keep it positive....keep it focused on things that move me through the dull drums and keep me on track...even in my sleep.
No, really. The other night we left the tv on when we fell asleep. When I was half awake, half asleep this tv preacher that i actually like (and yes there are some that are not total con artists) was on first thing and she kept on talking about the appropriate things that you can do with your mouth...now..just..stop...and keep it clean..she was talking about how you can speak positively...keep the things that are coming out of your mouth those things that are positive and affirming..blessings. I was awakened being reminded to start the day be thankful..be grateful to have another day..have the life I have...have the very existence that I have...
So all the things that I am worrying about and all the things that I am picking on myself about and being down about are drowned out by affirming things..no, it does not make what aches, or what feels bad go away, but there is perspective...a chance at viewing what there is that is so very powerful in this life.
It REALLY helped...
I went to the gym and worked hard. I was less concerned about the slowness of my weightloss these days and really saw how in shape I am getting and was able to hear Adam as he actually praised me for having to work harder because I was in such great shape. I even heard a few compliments. See, i don't know about you, but I have a "fat" sieve in my brain. here is how it works. When a compliments comes to me from someone...the compliments go through these little holes. Each hole has a filter of things like "yeah..but your stomach is still not tight".."you still have that turkey neck" "God, you are 44, you will never really be healhty" "is that a bald spot on your head?"...oh yeah...that filter's out a lot of the compliments and I fight with that stuff...not so much fight with it as hear it and then go...Wait just a daggone minute...I am perfect just like God made me and I am so healthy today, doing great things and I look great...but you see..after years of not seeing myself in a positive way..it takes practice...I know, cause I have heard it from so many others...that I am not alone here.
I love me. Yep, I can say that today. God don't make no junk. But Lord that Fat sieve in my brain can drain me of some really good things somedays..particularly in times like these when I am off the beam or going through a seasonal time. Makes me kind of ripe for the picking to do something stupid that makes it worse...but, not this time. This time, there was that voice I heard as I awoke, a lunch with a great friend I am becoming closer to, a really amazing embrace that I so needed at home, productivity at work, getting out of myself a little and focusing on others...a talk with my mom too...and prayer...lots of prayer...
So, I went to work out.
Do you all realize that when Adam took my pulse at the height of my working out it was only 120? Un-freakin-believable...Think about it..a year ago..he would have had me stop and rest because i would be tipping over the 170 and I would have been working at half the weight and effort! Now, it takes more to get my heart rate to a burn area.
That sounds like bad news...but what is so good about it is that my body is recovering in some good ways and I am getting better and doing better. More good news.
Tonight, I did as he asked and when I ran I did not focus on the lenght but on my heart rate...it stayed above 147 the whole time and i had a great run! I am sure that I did thre miles...but I know I burnt up the road!
It was and is a better day!
thanks be to God!