Monday, February 21, 2011

Day 408: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

Some days you just "show up" and frankly..that can be a miracle. Today..I showed up. I am sad. very sad. I am mourning the loss of a very spiritual friend whom I have known for 25 years, who began his spiritual awakening the same month i did, just a few days apart from me 21 years ago. He, unfortunately did not survive his depression and took his life this past week. It is difficult to grasp, the end of a life that so touched so many in such positive and loving ways to a disease that is so baffling. But it is a disease and he has passed form this world, not of his hand, but from it.

So today..I showed up. Here is where my self absorption would have taken me to eating in sadness or hurting myself or just laying about. Funny how that behavoir did not nothing to bring back the loss of someone I loved it had the reverse effect of compouding my feelings of sadness by building on remorse, regret and ultimately anger., don't get me and yesterday I wanted to stay in bed and just stay there. Not move. Thoughts of my own issues swirled my mind and I was consumed at moments by the "what ifs". Thank God in heaven that I have learned to "change a thought, move a muscle" and that is exactlty what I did. I also talked about what I was feeling, shared my memories, found some old pictures and we even had a health dinner. The worst of my eating were some pretzels and light ranch and a protien bar. Not bad.

This morning, I woke and went to the gym. Adam was unwell, but guess what? The gym does not close when the trainer is not there! :) LOL! I found an email that he wrote with a routine adn after running..I went to it..and i worked hard. Michael even joined me and was my partner in training this morning. It made it so nice. My spirit was made full in that and it in all things..a way to move through.

I had some plans tonight..and i am ok with changing them. I do need to be quiet. I need to feel a little of this. I have been on teh edge of tears all day and need to get some of it out. Maybe a run and some time alone with me and God..then with Michael....we will see. But, I know this taking care of my showing up...there is a chance..there is a chance that good things will happen, that in this day there is a day well lived, and that my reprieve, my gift of life is just that!

Thanks be to God and to each and every person that is reading this today!


1 comment:

michelle said...

Oh, Bo! I'm so sorry. I just read this, and here I was... going to tease you for not being at the state of the county address. So sorry, friend. Take care!