Being called Fat is never easy..no matter whether you are 270 or 348..and it happened to me again last saturday. I have a hard time posting about this cause it really sucked and it brought up a lot when it happened.
But I have come to realize the guy that did it was an ass and was probably a little scared too in hindsight. Regardless, I knew I had to post about it cause I know how much being called fat can hurt and how sharing can really make the difference. See, I am NOT a fat person..even at 348..I was a person who had allowed himself to get really unhealthy and allowed myself to get obese..but fat? No...fat for me means lazy..means being slovenly...someone who does not care. I don't know fat people...well very few.
I know many folks who have addictions to food, have trouble dealing with stress, grew up with not eating right, have a life style that lends itself to grabbing what is available instead of planning and who eat for comfort and not for health and well being. But no, I don't know fat people...and I am not fat.
But I was biking to Wrightsville beach and when I crossed over the bridge I did the proper signals to move to the left lane to go to the loop and a guy laid in on his horn, he got right up beside me..way to close and rolled down his window, I let him have it about how I was on a bike and he was in a car and he, what, was he gonna kill me? He then called me "fatboy" as he smoked his ciggarette...i told him to pull over and I would "talk" to him about how fat I was.
I proceeded to go across the grassy section to follow him, but of course he speed away..the coward..but as i hit the grass..I also hit a bump and my ipod jumped and I went from the black eyed peas "don't phunk with my heart" to...and I kid you not "Love delivered me"...I absolutely broke out in full out laughter and just looked up at the heavens and had to tell God..ok...I get it!!!
Then my next thought was "gee..if he thought I was fat now..what would he have though a few months ago!! LOL
But, i have to admit, as I kept riding, his words snuck back in my head and I got VERY insecure.."did I look stupid on this bike?" "was i ridiculous..like an elephant on a tiny bicylce?" " who am I fooling trying to loose weight." All of this came rushing in. I had to literally stop and just say "STOP!" get my sh'-- together and regroup and pray...I was remined and quickly that I am NOT FAT..and this is....ONE DAY AT A TIME..and absolute miracle and a blessing and it DOES NOT MATTER what I look like..I FEEL AMAZING and IT IS AMAZING...and SCREW HIM!...ok...so, when i got all that back..I was on the path again..but Damn, it was amazing how quickly I could get back into stinking thinking, but even more amazing how I could rebound! For years I something like this would happen and i would sink away in it..give into it, give up..but things have changed! I am so grateful for prayer and for the the gift of being able to share this when I got home. Michael was so amazing and listened and then without hesitation remineded me that I was doing well! :)
I share this today, because I know how much we take from others and how much it can either make or break how we do. The support I have recieved every day on this journey has lifted me up and made me a million times stronger..but like most, that one person..oh that one person...can be so damaging..but in this journey, I am stronger on the inside too and i can bounce back more than I have in the past...it is not just my outsides that are better...I feel healthier inside too. I am worth this health..I am worthy of treating the gift of this life that I have been given in better ways..and through this health and can be more and give more. Those who set out to harm me are less likely to do so now becuase I feel this....I pray the same for anyone reading this too!
Ok..enough of that! :)
My workouts are getting more ramped up..Adam has brought back out the bozo ball and now I get to do my squats on the ball with weights..yeah..I am pretty much a large standard poddle doing tricks on a balancing ball these days! Come to the Circus..I am center ring! :)
I also get to "play" on the cirque de se bo ball by rolling out on it almost to my anlkes and then pulling forward on my hands....yeah..there will be no video of that one. Laying on my back, butt up and bringing the ball forward and then laying on the ball and doing weights....all with other exerices and sprints on the treadmill make for a workout to say the least!
Thanks be to God!