Day 200: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!

"True serenity is being able to remain calm in the midst of a storm"
"You must work for Kodak, cause you project a lot"

I was thinking about these two sayings a lot today. Yesterday I got an emergency call that changed my outlook on the days ahead in some ways. While I won't go into details, suffice to say there is a family member who has a serious issue to face. When I flew out of my office yesterday, I was almost surprised that as i landed in the car, I found myself with a bottle of flavored water, a yogurt, blueberries and a peanut butter sandwich. I was prepared to ensure that I was not going to be stopping at a fast food restaurant or grabbing chocolate out of anxiety on the way! It hit me house awesome this was becuase almost without thinking it was just "what I do". I spent the evening with the familty member and while I was able to keep it together while there, it was VERY emotional when I got in the car to come home. I can assure you that in the past...downing a couple of BBQ sandwiches, quarter pounders AND king size chocolate bars with of course a diet coke would have filled that emotional void...but instead, the road that I would have turned to North Carolina's best BBQ was also the road with a brand new Lowe's foods..and I stopped and got some hummus and pita..diet green tea and some blueberries. It was what I needed to stay awake and feed the hunger..not my soul..my soul needed to just feel a little..but not so much I could not drive. I reached out and called two people that I coudl share a little with and I am so grateful to them and made it home safe and sound. What a blessing! I did not have to harm me, could be there for the person who was really being effected, and be ready for the next day....there was 'serenity in the storm'....Remember that story of Christ on the water..when they were being tossed to and fro in the storm, and he commanded "Peace! be Still!..and all was righted...I believe in that during these times...I believe....

I really wanted to stay in bed today and just stay there....but Michael was wonderful and insisted I get up. We went to lunch and then just stayed in, being quiet and praying. I have to admit though that I got to thinking about what was about to happen and got really carried away with the "what if's" to the point I just shut down and went back to sleep on the couch. I got up and went for my cardio bike ride an just could not shake the thinking about the family member, the pain, the after, all sorts of stuff, and the ride just impossible. I felt so heavy and so overwhelmed. I got half my ride in and turned around and came home. I got in the door angry that I had let my thinking get me like that and got in the tub for an epsom salt bath when that old line about "Kodak" hit me and made me laugh through some tears (and for you young people, kodak used to make this stuff called..FILM that used to be in cameras that you used to have process to make pictures..lol!). I heard that I only have this moment, and in this moment there is NO death, NO pain, No arguments, none of the stuff I was letting in...none of the concerns...and there was time together...I was reminded that we only have the NOW..and in NOW..all is well...and again...I felt "peace be still" and that presence that is so powerful in my life. It was and is so...well..I hope you understand. I am so grateful.

Last night I got to say so much I needed to and hear so much from that member of my family..and in the days to come that is what I can focus on in those moments was we have our time toghether..and in that time, I can take care of myself and not use any of this as an excuse not to divert from this amazing life that I have been given. I am so grateful for all of it.

Thanks be!

Day 197: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!

awesome work out today! bozo ball and jumping jacks! wahoo! loved how adam showed that he reads my blog by throwing back at me my words about being postive when faced with exercises that I hate! LOL! But really..I embraced those jumping jacks today! I just LOOOOOOVED THEM! hahaha!
I did, however love that I got to 60 and still could have done more. I loved that I did the 20 push ups twice and was not in tears...so there is something to be glad about! :)

K...so I had an idea and I am doing it...scared yet? LOL!
I am selling all of my clothes that I can't wear anymore and giving the money to the Heart Walk!
http://shop.ebay.com/bowilmington910/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=25
Yep! They are pretty amazing actually (if I do say so) and quite the bargain..but what is so great, is they may inspire the next person who has them to do what I did and pass them on to. They are very well made shirts (that is what I have up first..I am still working on getting up other stuff) and who knows..with the right care, they could last a lot longer and be passed on to the next person who might have this gift. I love the idea, but I also know what it is like to be larger and want to feel like I have clothes that make me look like I am comfortable and more like everyone else. While in some ways this clothes kept me thinking i was "normal" in the sense that I still have clothes like I had always worn, they also helped me not to let me self esteem go down because I was not able to wear something that made me feel acceptable. Does that make sense? I want that for someone or some other folks. No one should feel shame. That is NOT a motivator. Don't buy it..ain't into it..won't do it. The motivation has to come from wanting to LIVE...to feel better...and yes...look better...but the feeling...WOW!

So, if you know of someone that needs a boost..needs one of these...check them out. I am adding things daily to the items for sale as I can photograph them and get them up. It is great to have them there and dream of them going to someone that can use them and then have the money to go towards the sponsorhip for the Heartwalk.

Speaking of which...are you on my team? You can register for the Heart Walk on October 16th by You can be on my team if you like!  http://startcapefearnc.org/  Look on the left hand navigation for “find a team” Then go to “UNCW- Bo Dean’s Team” and register! or you can go to my fundraising page and GIVE! don't mind that either! LOL! :) Go to http://startcapefearnc.org/ then Donate..then look me up Bo Dean..then donate there! :) easy peasey..but never greasey! :)

Anyway! There is a surprise from a dear friend coming through all of this that had me literally in tears the other day. A gift that will brand this whole journey...and it is something I hope I can make into gifts for some of you...stay tuned!

Love me some days!
Thanks be!

Day 195: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!

I was told to back away from the happy juice this morning! LOL! haha! Sorry, it ain't boastin' if it's the truth and it ain't drugs if it's just feelin' good! :)

Today is Monday and while I woke up wanting to crawl back under the cover and sleep more, my work out this morning got me going. Adam was infectious with his upness and had me pushing myself even more today! I did 20 on the pull ups! 20 push ups! 20 on the press! 20 on the pull downs! 20 on the step ups with 25 pound weights in my hands! 20 on the press on the cirque de se bo ball! 20 on the bozo ball with 17.5 pound weights doing curls and over the heads!..all these twice...and warmed with with 6.5 mile an hour sprints in one minute intervals for 10 minutes with 30 second reps..hell yeah! LOL! I started the morning dragging and by the end of the work out I was alive and it has not stopped to lunch! It is awesome.

I have to get my head on right though, even while having a good work out. When I see "the box" come out..and I know that step ups are coming..I immediately go to a dark place in my brain. When I hear..push ups..I immediately go negative. Yes, they are hard..yes, it is work..but I know better than to psych myself out before I start..that just adds crap to it. I also know now that on the other side of these execises I feel better, stronger, and I have this enormous feeling of accomplishment. So, I do have to adjust my thinking when it comes to these things that I am faced with. It is applicable to all things that I don't like that have a positive outcome. How i approach things makes it just that much better or worse. It is up to me. Ironic since my favorite saying is "have a nice day unless you've made other plans"! LOL!  But it, like all things takes practice!

moreover, not one day goes by...not one..where I don't remember the first day and see what a blessing this is..what a change. From the first day..barely getting up the stair case.to this..and still moving forward. It is amazing...So, yeah, I am feeling some happy "juice" this morning..and every morning..feeling it and not "boasting" but celebrating..wanting to share it.. I love a dear friend of mine who told me dryly (and in humor) the other night.."you know I love you..but you are begining to get on my nerves with this sh--"...I loved it! I told her "girl..I will work that nerve then, cause I am loving it and will keep on loving it! HA!

Now one of the other reasons I am happy is cause I keep on keeping on with my eating regimine! That has made the world of differnce. Above is what I eat every morning at work. When I went to the dietician and she asked me what I regularly had for breakfast, I admitted I usually grabbed a biscuit from Hardees or a bagel with cream cheese if I ate breakfast at all.

We knew that was NOT going to work as I needed more protien and fiber to start the day and she was adamant not only about eating three meals aday (not little meals a couple a times a day...see my sugar stays to high..so eating all the time is a killer for me..you HAVE to get a dietician to tell you what YOU need..don't take advise from ANYONE that has not checked your sugar levels..EVER! It is different for each person!), but moreover, she was insistent that I eat breakfast. Period. That had to happen.

She asked me what else I liked and I said "egg mcmuffin". So, she deconstructed an egg mcmuffin and here is what I eat everyday. I have a portion of candian bacon (VERY lean, but VERY tasty. 1 gram of fat...LOTS of protien). I have an egg (ok...I should only have the whites...but for now, I have the whole egg..I will try the egg beaters eventually..but my cholesterol is down..so, I am good with this)...and fat free sharp cheddar cheese.

I cut up the bacon on a plate, crack the egg over top with pepper and salt and cook for a minute and forty seconds in the microwave..it is perfect everytime! It makes for a filling and hot wonderful breakfast! It does not have sugars of a breakfast bar (which is also a killer for me as those don't fill me up, and the sugar crashes me and makes me want to eat more).

What is not pictured here that I have with it are two pieces of whole wheat, high fiber bread with polaner, sugar free all fruit. Notice in all of this..no butter or oil...it is awewome  and filling.

I drink black coffee or green tea and it is a great way to start the day.

I have been told this for years. but know it to be gospel..you must eat breakfast to loose weight. I am a believer.

This is absolutely the foundation for my success right now. Again, it took some discipline to get it started, but now it is just part of what i do. Some mornings are not as easy to get done as others, but it is something I expect of myself and I make it happen.

The last part of this is I also make sure that there is NEVER a time when there is not a dozen eggs, canadian bacon, fat free cheese, and whole wheat bread and sugar free all fruit at work. That was the last part that was essential to success. Making sure that I took care of me by making sure to plan to have those things available. It is far to easy to grab that bagel when those things are not here. It only takes a minute to run into the store if I am out...Lord knows it takes a lot longer to run that cream cheese out of my arteries..and as I am getting older..I am not sure I have time to run it out anymore...so, yeah...I think I can run in the store and plan ahead. It is worth, my family and friends are worth it, and God's gift of life is worth it....

Thanks be!

Day 191: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!

I got an message this morning from someone I think optitimizes what I blogged about when I talk about people who are "not fat"..a genuinely attractive person who is struggling with weight but who is full of life, gives so much to others, is so much of a gift in this world. This person's message really touched me, but it also got me to remind myself of how important the whole "one day at a time" thing is on this journey.

For some folks who may have started to read this lately, they may not be looking at how this began and how committed I have been to taking each day as it comes and making sure that i do not get overwhelmed with trying to make to much change too quickly. That is how I have always set myself up for failure in the past...because I could not make radical changes overnight or because I "fell off the wagon" with food or not exercising on day or even a couple of days, I just gave up (or the big one..because i could not do everything PERFECTLY..I just did not do ANYTHING at all!..nice self-con, right?).

Well, not this time. This time, I was and am going to practice the principals that I learned in other areas of my life in this and truly live one day at time with my changes in diet and exercise...but I had to do diet AND exercise. So, if in those early days, just getting through a day without fast food and showing up to the gym was all I did..well, that was AMAZING....and that night, my prayer was that if i was granted an new day, it be as good as that one....and from there, build. One day led to another and here I am seven months later. Along the way, the training from Adam, the nutritional direction from Heidi have given me the tools to succeed. But none of it would have worked it I did not show up, each day that I was granted and access those tools/gifts.

I remember when I was looking at some pics of my friend Andy H before all this began for me. Andy is someone who had made some major life changes and he said that his transformation had happened in 10 months and he had done it by eating right and exercising...not half measures..no fad diets or crazinesss..just good old fashioned combo! I thought at the time..."damn bo, 10 months!" But then I thought...10 months..if I started today....It would be (then) August..you can do that" I have told Andy repeatedly and my other friend Woody who did something similar how grateful I am for being powers of example to show me the way.

Anyway, it was a gratifying way to start the day to say the least, and ironic because the post that got that and a lot of other feedback was one of the hardest I have done to date! :)

After work it just looked like it was going to pour so I had to put off the bike ride and headed into the gym. I got on the elliptical and set it for level 14! I did my sprints for the first 20 minutes and then the last 10 just at 7.0. But I need to share about tonight.

The elliptical is work. there is no doubt about it. And for someone like me that is all over the place..it is even more so cause I get bored as hell. Music helps a great deal, but there is not a time when my brain is not trying to talk me off of that machine, talk me into stopping before the time, lower the level, lower the speed, whatever can be done to get in my way. It takes concentration to get through. Sounds like torture right? Well, no, not really. See, there is the other side of the feeling of actually getting through and feeling the effects of working out at each new level. There is a real rush of moving through the exercise itself and tonight I tried something that had a tremendous pay off.

We have redone our home and in our main room we have created a mediation gallery for us to sit in and just relax. The cushions from the monastery store came yesterday and we had our first "quiet" meditation on them and it was awesome. One of the books that came with them suggested a meditation of just counting breaths. Tonight as I was getting tired and fatigued (at 20 minutes), I closed my eyes on the machine and a gospel song called "going to the meeting" came on. I began to count my breaths and try and clear my mind with the song going in the back ground. It was INCREDIBLE! I swear I stopped feeling my legs and felt lift off the machine as i kept going. When I opened my eyes again, it was almost 29 minutes! I loved it! I am definitely doing that one again! :)

anyway, it was a good day! Again, I pray that if I am granted tomorrow I continue on this path of growth with my health and wellness!

Day 190: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!

Being called Fat is never easy..no matter whether you are 270 or 348..and it happened to me again last saturday. I have a hard time posting about this cause it really sucked and it brought up a lot when it happened.

But I have come to realize the guy that did it was an ass and was probably a little scared too in hindsight. Regardless, I knew I had to post about it cause I know how much being called fat can hurt and how sharing can really make the difference. See, I am NOT a fat person..even at 348..I was a person who had allowed himself to get really unhealthy and allowed myself to get obese..but fat? No...fat for me means lazy..means being slovenly...someone who does not care. I don't know fat people...well very few.

I know many folks who have addictions to food, have trouble dealing with stress, grew up with not eating right, have a life style that lends itself to grabbing what is available instead of planning and who eat for comfort and not for health and well being. But no, I don't know fat people...and I am not fat.

But I was biking to Wrightsville beach and when I crossed over the bridge I did the proper signals to move to the left lane to go to the loop and a guy laid in on his horn, he got right up beside me..way to close and rolled down his window, I let him have it about how I was on a bike and he was in a car and he, what, was he gonna kill me? He then called me "fatboy" as he smoked his ciggarette...i told him to pull over and I would "talk" to him about how fat I was.

I proceeded to go across the grassy section to follow him, but of course he speed away..the coward..but as i hit the grass..I also hit a bump and my ipod jumped and I went from the black eyed peas "don't phunk with my heart" to...and I kid you not "Love delivered me"...I absolutely broke out in full out laughter and just looked up at the heavens and had to tell God..ok...I get it!!!
Then my next thought was "gee..if he thought I was fat now..what would he have though a few months ago!! LOL
But, i have to admit, as I kept riding, his words snuck back in my head and I got VERY insecure.."did I look stupid on this bike?" "was i ridiculous..like an elephant on a tiny bicylce?" " who am I fooling trying to loose weight." All of this came rushing in. I had to literally stop and just say "STOP!" get my sh'-- together and regroup and pray...I was remined and quickly that  I am NOT FAT..and this is....ONE DAY AT A TIME..and absolute miracle and a blessing and it DOES NOT MATTER what I look like..I FEEL AMAZING and IT IS AMAZING...and SCREW HIM!...ok...so, when i got all that back..I was on the path again..but Damn, it was amazing how quickly I could get back into stinking thinking, but even more amazing how I could rebound! For years I something like this would happen and i would sink away in it..give into it, give up..but things have changed!  I am so grateful for prayer and for the the gift of being able to share this when I got home. Michael was so amazing and listened and then without hesitation remineded me that I was doing well! :)
I share this today, because I know how much we take from others and how much it can either make or break how we do. The support I have recieved every day on this journey has lifted me up and made me a million times stronger..but like most, that one person..oh that one person...can be so damaging..but in this journey, I am stronger on the inside too and i can bounce back more than I have in the past...it is not just my outsides that are better...I feel healthier inside too. I am worth this health..I am worthy of treating the gift of this life that I have been given in better ways..and through this health and can be more and give more. Those who set out to harm me are less likely to do so now becuase I feel this....I pray the same for anyone reading this too!

Ok..enough of that! :)
My workouts are getting more ramped up..Adam has brought back out the bozo ball and now I get to do my squats on the ball with weights..yeah..I am pretty much a large standard poddle doing tricks on a balancing ball these days! Come to the Circus..I am center ring! :)
I also get to "play" on the cirque de se bo ball by rolling out on it almost to my anlkes and then pulling forward on my hands....yeah..there will be no video of that one. Laying on my back, butt up and bringing the ball forward and then laying on the ball and doing weights....all with other exerices and sprints on the treadmill make for a workout to say the least!

Thanks be to God!

a little different conversation..but not really

So, I am on facebook after I just hear that a friend of mine was denied a right that most take for granted in their church of origin. It is not the first time, but they had and we had been led to believe that things had changed and there was this hope and feeling of overcoming some prejudice. That was gone and I was angry and posted about it. The exhange though that followed with a dear friend and comments from others was one of those things I just "needed" and came at the right time, as most things do. I have taken their names out, but thought I would share it as my spiritual life is the root of ALL things...I am nothing without that which is greater than myself and I choose to call God. I was once told that religion was for people who wanted to stay out of hell, spirituality and faith were for people who had been there. Well, I am no martyr, but I have been there..and there is this wonderful feeling of faith that sustains me in all times through the worst of times and in the best of all times. 

here is the conversation:

My originial rant:
(me) presbyterians strike again! I am so sick of "christians" who have CLEARLY NEVER FELT CHRIST...much less learned to follow. Thanks be to those who dwell in the spirit and know LOVE for one another above all else!



(another voice 1) Exactly the reason I have no use for organized religion, Bo.

17 hours ago · LikeUnlike · . · (another voice 2) What was it Ghandi once said? "I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians."

16 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading... · (another voice 3) I don't understand some of us and why my Christian friends act the way they do. But in order for us to expect acceptance we have to give acceptance. Everyone has the right to their opinion, I just don't like it when they pick out one or two things in the Bible and claim they are justified by their opinions.

15 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (ME) I completely agree...I try and live by "acceptance is the key to all my problems today"..and I fall short of this bar of expectation I shoot for as I do others...but I live in progress , not perfection. However, this was a specific incident that invoked in me great disappointment, sadness, and some anger with a church locally that has really hurt one of its long standing families (and not for the first time) and one of my best friends and ultimately the children of that family. I am boggled by the lack of love and compassion from a church that has such a membership.

I do wish them peace, healing, and the understanding of God that surpasses anything I have...but I am human...and it is so frustrating.

11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (another voice 2)I guess I'm more passive when it comes to religion... cuz I'm hardcore with the rest of my life LOL ! I just had an experience once when I was faced with an atheist, who is still my friend. How could I expect him to understand what I know is real and true when he has never experienced it, or so he thinks. He should be thankful for a roof, food, job, and all the things we have in this country that others do not, and he is. He just WONT GET IT THROUGH HIS THICK SKULL that its his Lord watching over him LOL. I know how you feel, but the meek shall inherit the earth. ( did I spell "meek" correctly? I'm kinda a brown haired blonde LOL )

11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (Another Voice 1) I left the church many years ago because I just couldn't see evidence that a loving God really existed. My profession has me seeing the dirty reality of life. Why are babies born sick, way too early, then tortured while here, then die anyway. What possible reason for a loving God have for allowing things like this to go on. My only way to cope is to either believe there is no God or that he has just stepped away and washed his hands of us. No one has been able to give me a good reason for the suffering. Especially innocent children.

11 hours ago · UnlikeLike · 1 personYou like this. · (ME) I hear you ****e and only have my own experience to go on. In that, I find solace. I believe strongly in free will and it is up to us to make the difference we want to see. the pain and suffering come from us, not from God. I just don't believe in the whole "test" theology. It conflicts with not only the Christian God, but others I have come to know.

The tools are there..we just turn away from them or choose not to participate. You just showed me that you are part of the solution...you live out the life that I believe embodies God...and that is a life of compassion, love, and care for those who cannot help themselves and in some cases, those who have brought on suffering and pain, but who still need care and love. Despite what you may feel or your judgement, you deliver that care...you live a life that for me is more spiritual than most "church going" folk.

Imagine if we turned to the "best" we know of ourselves...we would feed the hungry, clothe the naked, house the homeless, help each other succeed, provide prenatal care, provide health care to those without it, take care of our earth, etc...for me, that is what it is all about and that is why I find this forum so comforting, because I stay connected to so many who see the pain, see the suffering, and who don't give up..but choose to make a difference. For me, that is God...that is spirituality....and for me, as long as I can see others in community living that example, I have hope and can keep going...there is always hope.

11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (Another Voice 4) Very well said Bo...Those are the things that Jesus commanded us to do & he preached love more than anything else.

11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (Another Voice 1) Thank you Bo. But what I don't understand is what did an innocent child do to deserve this pain. If the parent did something wrong, then the parent should feel the pain. I have never understood that freewill concept when it pertains to children. I do feel compassion. Very deeply. My heart actually hurts sometimes when I come home after losing a tiny, precious little life. But after so many years, I think my compassion comes from anger. Probably not a good place. I get sooooo angry. At God for not intervening, the world for being what it is, myself because I can't perform miracles, just whoever. You can find me many mornings after a rough night at work standing on the beach like Scarlett O-Hara with my fist in the air, saying "you're not going to lick me. If you won't help me take care of these babies, then damn it, I'll do it myself and as long as I'm here on this earth if it kills me. I'll make their suffering as minimal as possible and they WILL know they are loved here". Then I storm off and go to bed. It's a very sad scene.....LOL

10 hours ago · LikeUnlike · ME you are amazing lady...and like others...there is a connection. there is a strength. Call it what you will...but there is that connection that I am so drawn to and feel is so real and much bigger than my own human experience.

I don't have the answers...I have experiences that have led me to believe that I can't be as simple as "it is his will" or so complicated that i try and read every dilemna as a message from God and discern what he is trying to say! LOL! . Somewhere in between, I have just come to accept that there is this world that is driven in such negative ways on so many levels and I have to choose how to operate in it. You have chosen to give care and love...that has to take a toll. But it also is so rich and so purposeful! I also don't have your experience...I just feel so strongly that presence..that energy....
Trust me, Michael can a test to many moments of screaming on the beach (and bless his heart...screaming at home! LOL)...I don't think there is anything wrong with that....and my higher power can take me cussing...ultimately, after I get it off my chest...I can get back to doing what I believe is right...
We need to go on the beach together sometime! I am sure we would make it rain! :)
10 hours ago · LikeUnlike ·

Day 184: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!

great day today! I was a little sore yesterday having done my cardio on Tuesday night so late it led a lot quicker into the morning training. But, we pushed on and I was no worse for wear. In fact, I have met another goal! A couple of months ago when Adam first had me do real push-ups..not with my legs crossed on my knees..but stretched out and butt straight..I was so discouraged because I could barely do any. I said then that I wanted to be able to do 20 pushups, all at once, without stopping in two months. Well, I did it and and another set the same way! It felt so good! I love it when Adam says "way to work hard!"...I feel like an athlete with a coach that cares...LOL! but I am serious, it feels great. I like have goals and I like even more setting new ones as we reach them.
Tonight I did my bike ride and I was able to leave the house, bike to the beach, do the loop and then back and once around the entire University (and I stopped by the pharmacy! LOL!).... a total of 17 miles. What was great about it was that I was at speeds 6 and 3 on the bike. I am getting stronger and can keep pace at that level. I never took it off six either...another milestone.

I am looking forward to the weekend. It should be a good one!
Hope yours is too!
thanks be!

Day 182: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!

What a wonderful Fourth of July weekend!
We were EVERYWHERE! and had a blast! But what was so great was being able to enjoy it without killing myself with food and not being so uncomfortable with my weight that I could not enjoy sitting walking or doing.

On saturday we went to a BBQ and there was all sorts of stuff! Our Friends made amazing ribs..but I did not have to eat a rack..there was also seaweed salad, cabbage salad, cucumbers and carrots, rice noodles and so much more! I had such good stuff to enjoy! I did have a rib..but just not a rack! So, I was not deprived and got to have something that I loved without making myself sick or doing soemthing that would hurt me!  It was great!

It has become a traditon since I have been on the Foundation board to go to CFCC for the fireworks! Well, this year instead of heavy breads and mayonaise heavy salads and fried chicken..there was hummus and shrimp and veggies and just a little pasta salad..course michael and mom and harold had the coconut macaroons..but I had my Lewis farms Blueberries..so I was in heaven! Not only did I enjoy the evening more..I I was more comfortable sitting in the chair (a chair that I was always afraid would break in recent years..and I was not afraid this time!) I also as more present and really enjoyed everything and everyone around me. We walked around, went shopping with mother and came back and adn enjoyed the sunset! It was perfect!

The same can be said for our trip on Monday down to brookgreen gardens. As soon as I was done with training on Monday morning, I was so alive and ready for the day! (thank you adam!). So, I got home and surprised Michael and we were off! While I did eat a small bag of smart food cheddar popcorn, the day was filled with enjoying the garden and we ate meals that were good for us and had a great time! I saw more of the gardens (Just like with Airlie), than I have ever seen on previous trips, because I was able to walk and do more than I have ever been able to do in recent years! We walked for miles and saw things that were truly rewards for our efforts! A HAWK flew literally a few feet in front of us and I was able to capture that on film! It was amazing!

The day was not without some distractions though. As we drove through Myrtle Beach..for me, one of the most depressing places on earth (and sad, cause when I was a child, I thought this place was absolute magic)..it really hit me how sad it really is here. Every sign on every block just about offers BUFFETS! ALL YOU CAN EAT! ! etc etc etc....Fried, fat, heavy food EVERYWHERE...and the saddest part is that it is mostly seafood....I have never really enjoyed this as much because of all the batter and grease...I am beginning to understand now how wonderful fish is and really enjoy boiled shop with remoulades...not Tartar sauce (you all know that tartar is straight mayonaise with pickle relish..right? LOL!) But as I rode through I could not help but think this is the crack house for fat! and worse was as we went through, the folks we saw were as unhealthy as I was at the beginning of all this. In fact, when we got to the gardens, I saw this couple and one of them clearly was struggling to keep walking. I really had to stop for minute and remember being in that very place a year ago in this very garden. I said a pray for that person and just had to really be thankful..grateful!....we can do this and make the change. It can be better....and like I said, the rewards were many in this trip as with everything that is coming. It is amazing!

Today I slept in till I had to go to work, so I had to find time for cardio in the evening .We were having dinner with friends, John and Andy, so I knew that it would be later, but as things go, our converstation was wonderful and it was close to 9 before we were done. Andy set the bar for me in life changes and weight loss and has been so amazingly supportive throughout the processs. He and his partner John are an awesome couple and have been together almost as long as Michael and I and the similarities are spooky...in fact, poor Andy and Michael just smiled and nodded alot as John and I talked! LOL! But it was great and I am so glad we finally got together for dinner! I admire these too and we both look forward to seeing them again. Regardless of how late it got though, I was determined to get in my cardio..I brought my bike and had planned on leaving by bike and letting Michael drive home. So, I went to the gym, did 10 minutes of sprints at 7.9 miles an hour on the treadmill and 20 minutes on the elliptical at 7.7 miles an hour at level 14..then biked home! I am pooped, but feel great that I did it!
:)

Day 177: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!

Do you see the guy on the right? yep...that is me folks...I think this was the picture that I remember seeing at the time and absolutely going into denial about my weight. It could not be me. I did so well with blazers and poses in front of the camera..I spent so much time hiding behind ( I thought) large rugby shirts). and as long as I could still buy the clothes that I wanted (albeit on line)...then I must be ok.

A few weeks ago..I remembered this picture. It was somewhere in the back of my mind from 09. I was not sure where it was...but I knew it was there. I no longer have to hide from it...I am become free from it thanks to this new life..It is possible. Talk about grateful!

So, yeah..I am reading more than I ever have and when I see these studies on Obesity..it just is so frightening.  http://healthyamericans.org/reports/obesity2010/  It shows how hard it really is to try and be healthy and eat well when the norm is becoming the opposite.

I remember the story of a young man who said he was struggling with being sober and his sponsor said "well, what do you think alcoholics do?" and the young person trying so hard to please and get sober said "well, go to meetings, don't drink, and stay sober". And the yoda like old recovering drunk..said, "no, dumbass, Alcoholics DRINK!..what you are doing, by staying sober goes against everything you are engineered to do. But it is a good thing and it is not easy..but it is worth it..and the more you do it..the better you will be!"

I thought of that story when I see the obesity rates. Being healthier in this day and age, where over 30% of our population is OBESE..not overweight, but OBESE...is going against the "norm". Where fast food, huge portions, fat and salt, unreal amounts of fat, are in our diets and are common. High calorie coffee drinks, high calorie everything are everywhere and we eat all the time. Being healthy is not the norm..diets...binging...extremes are the norms. "Treats" are the norm. "Comforts" are the norm. Hell, among some, surgery and additives are becoming the norm. But just eating right and exercing....not the norm.

But GOD, is it worth it. Everyday, there are obstacles that are in the way (most put there by me! LOL!)..but the more I put one day at a time behind the next day at a time, the better I feel and the more I want to feel like this! The appeal of going back to the way I was eating, the way I was feeling, the desire to have the foods and the things that I was doing is just not there as much. It is incredible. Not to say that there are not desires, and certainly there are days when that elliptical is somethign I would love to see explode as I lay on the couch! LOL!...but I just don't need that life...not now. That picture reminds me of how awkward it felt. I am not that body and I want more and am more than that.
I am grateful today that yesterday I had a great workout of boxing and sprints and even a little running, and last night, when I got some great news, my "celebration" was being with Michael over a piece of fish..not a pound of steak and a baked potato with cheeses and butter followed by a half gallon of ice cream. I had a wonderful time last night and can enjoy more...and be ready for more.

Thanks be to God for this day and the last..and I pray that if I have another..there may be one like this again!