Friday, October 28, 2011

Day 625: Greater than through love and support

I had lunch with myself yesterday. No, this is not some, "get in touch with myself and feel good about taking myself out to lunch thing" was a lunch with a friend. Someone in need. But as this person shared what was going on, the feelings, experiences, and more importantly, the behaviors, I sat there and saw myself. Not a year and 8 months ago. But today.

Alot has changed for me. Exercise is now a part of my life, something I crave and look forward to. I eat healthier things and I have not had fast food in almost two years. But there is a lot of the person who started this journey who is still there..and I am not talking about all the good in me. I am grateful for whatever that is. I am talking about the food addict. The person that still struggles with snacking and filling myself, time, and emotions with food. The person that does not have that chemical shut down after I eat to just "stop". That person is still me.

I don't talk about that part as much and yesterday as I sat across the table listenting to someone, so courageous, so honest and sincere, sharing the need to make a change, I was able to touch that part of myself as well. What is so wonderful about the journey that I am on, the hindsight I have and the moment I am in, the days I am living, is that I could share, after I heard him, that while that addiction is there, while I still face issues, I have been learning ways to deal with these behaviors. Food is different than other forms of addictions in that you cannot give up food. You have to eat. But, like with addictions to other substances, the obsession can be "lifted" and there can be some peace attained, there can be some things done to live life that make it more managemeable.

I have become more and more aware as I have become more honest, and I have become WILLING to do something about it..most days. :) I have written about that. I know that it takes that willingness. It takes wanting to be healthier. To have wellness as my goal and aim. It does NOT take wanting to look like a model, wanting to be a muscle bound stud..or something unrealistic and superficial. It takes wanting to feel and be better.

I was able to share back that by taking steps to build a community of support (and btw: it does not take what I have could just be one other person), by getting the right professional advise (Heidi, Adam, and my doctors at Wrigthsville Family Practice), by taking it ONE DAY AT A TIME, by learning about trigger foods AND events and people/situations, and by being willing see myself as worthy of change,  as worth being healthy, as worth being important, in fact the first priority so that I can do the things I really want to do or in my case believe I am to do, life has been transformed. I also have allowed myself TIME to let this unfold and to continue to let it unfold. It is ever evolving and it is NOT over. It did not happen in a vacuum and it is not happening overnight.

What a wonderful opportunity to share that not only with this person, but back to myself. To be reminded by sharing with another that there not only is hope, but there is and will be real and effective change if this path is followed. It may happen slowly or quickly for some..but it will happen. What is so powerful is that the change is within us. It is in our power.

Each day is a gift. I am grateful  to pay this forward..and to keep on moving forward! thanks be!

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