Sunday, June 12, 2011

Day 496: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

I have a great sense of humor..that is something I am very comfortable fact, I consider humor one of the ways I have survived over the years some of the worst and best events in my life. Laughter..real, honest laughter is healing. I remember when they where filming that Robin Williams movie on Campus at UNC..we were about to move that year and I heard about the doctor that he was portraying and the techniques he employed. It made perfect sense to me. To use laughter, humor, fun in a positive way to make a difference, help get through a bad spot, see myself or oneself in a way that takes some of the stress off of "taking myself so damn seriously'..just lightening up and breathing and being humor. One of the best lines I heard about taking it easy and laughing a little was from dolly parton when she yelled out "get off the cross honey, sumbody might need the wood!". Lord did I understand that and am glad she said it cause I have needed it many times since then.

This journey has needed a lot of laughter. Primarily because it is hard sometimes. I have been and continue to be faced with overcoming limitations. Seeing myself in ways that are truly humbling. Hell, remember a year and half ago when I first started and I could not do a squat. If I could not laugh, if I could not make fun and have fun with all of this I never would have made it! I named all the exercises...bozo ball, cirque de se bo ball, the horse. etc etc etc. It all made the awkwardness of the change, the challenge of growing muscle, learning how to use muscle, accepting the changes in me as they occurred and not as I would have them, finding something in all of it to be happy about.

I was glad that those around me had a sense of humor too.....Adam helped me when I got angry or frustrated to stop being so demanding of myself in a negative way and remember that I was making a difference every time I stepped in that gym, every time I made the decision to do something other than what I was doing that got me to the point where I began this part of the journey. In fact, getting pissed off when I "couldn't" was not and is not allowed..that anger just did not have a place...frustration and anger did not burn calories and frankly could get me hurt because I lost or lost my focus and push in a way that is not healthy. But stopping, taking stock, and laughing...remembering the journey, how fortunate I am, how many blessings there are...that did the trick to get me back on track.

But there is humor and and "being funny" that is not helpful and can actually be very destructive. Humor that masks something that I need to say for real, but can only do it by making light of it, and humor that is supposed to be smart, but falls short because it shows insensitivity to another. Both of these forms of humor I am aware I have been and am involved in and work very hard to eradicate. But it is progress not perfection. I am more sensitive to the latter, though, when it comes to weight or health, and/and or addiction. The other day someone I care about, who has struggles with overeating and has been on her own journey of weight loss, posted that she wanted chocolate. I posted back about these amazing protein bars that I have found that are AMAZING and can be easily gotten now at Harris Teeter (they are called Pure Protein and only have 2 grams of sugar and 19 grams of protein).

After I posted that someone else I like posted that I had given "bad advise" and instead she should go and get this double chocolate thing that was full of fat, sugar, and all the things that would impact her progress unhealthily. I knew this other person was being "smart" funny. But the more I thought about this, the more I got, not angry, but saddened. I see it all the time. People trying to be "cute" or "funny"...but it shows a real lack of understanding and frankly a real lack of care. I mean, do you offer sugar and fat to someone you know is struggling with their weight? or do you reinforce healthier options...or just say nothing?

Part of the reason that I was so thrilled when Donnie "branded" my journey with the gift of "greater than through love and support" is because I have been overwhelmed with people who have wanted to see my success. When I post a "progress" picture or a status that is about another milestone or adventure and I get the comments from folks, it is...I cannot it explain is overwhelming. They are as much a part of my change and health as I am with all that positive love and conneciton. It is powerful!

How horrid would it would have been to post about craving something that would hinder my progress to have someone post about me going and having a whopper. No, I would not have had the whopper and sure, it is up to me to stay on target, but what a missed opportunity for love. The gift we have to offer others of being supportive of the best for health and wellness...that is such a blessing. That is what this journey at its root really is. It has shown me more deeply that by loving, and allowing others to love me, I can be more loving. By being sensitive and open to the pain or struggles of another, we can and I think we do become more loving and more capable of caring. God is the fountainhead, for me, of all this love, but I know that Michael loved me through all my sizes and has been there everyday! Then my friends and my Mother and Stepfather, and as I was loved, I saw that and was able to return that love. Some of this even came through me. But all of it connected in such positive ways, and it continues too. 

It goes to a larger issue for me about what I do in all my relationships. I cannot determine what is best for another. However, I have learned, through my own experiences and I continue to learn, what is best for me, and I can share that. But I just don't find anything "funny" or "smart" in offering an addict the drug from their addiction or reinforcing its use. That, for me, just does not feel loving. But moreover, if there is a chance to love...if there is an opportunity to lift someone up, to be positive, then there is just no other choice having experienced what I have in this journey.

thanks be! 

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