Bo Dean's Blog In Wilmington North Carolina: September 2011

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Day 595: Greater than through love and support

of the many things I inherited from my Daddy, not wanting to shop is one. I remember when I was growing up there was a men's store in Fuquay called Ashworth's. "Skinny" Ashworth was awesome because no matter how long it had been since he had seen you, he knew your size, what you like and what you needed. You just called Skinny and then went in and picked up your purchases and left. Outside of some chit chat between he and daddy, there was not much time spent in the store. It was heaven!

I have been that way most of my life since. I know what I want..I buy it and I leave. In fact, I have been wearing pretty much the same clothes since I was 10, just different (and in years past VERY different, sizes). But I digress.

What is ironic about the speed of my shopping for clothes or pretty much ANYTHING that I buy is how much I will shop around when I want to find an ANSWER to a question to an issue that does not quite suit my liking.

This came up recently when I was giving someone else a hard time. But as always, when I have one finger pointing out, I got three fingers pointing back.

It got me to think about how long I spent trying to find a root cause to my overall health issues. My denial was so very deep. I literally would be out for days and weeks with my back, and I would go to see a specialist, get pills, and special equipment to treat the back issues. I was having horrid acid reflux and literally I could not swallow and would have to excuse myself from the table to go and throw up to continue eating because of digestive issues, so I went to a digestive specialist to get medicine so I could eat. I had heart issues, so I went and got heart medicine. My clothes did not fit and unfortunately they made the clothes I always had worn in bigger and bigger sizes, so I just shopped around till I found them and just kept buying them in bigger and bigger sizes. My feet even needed wider shoes and for some reason my shins would hurt on walks. But it was the shoes fault and I would shop for better soles..better support. I shopped around constantly and frequenly for every solution to every issue trying to get the answers that I wanted to avoid THE BIG ISSUE:

I was obese. I was unhealthy..and I had to change.

Everything..and I mean EVERYTHING was tied to that one issue. And no matter what I did..no matter what pills (and there where lots of them!)..no matter what therapies I tried, prayers I performed..no matter how sober I stayed, how much I gave to the world around me, no matter how much I loved God and my fellows, as long as I was not loving ME ENOUGH to take care of my health...then the stores, the venues, the outlets, the kiosks that I was laying down my money and time were not going to produce for me one item that would create a sustainable solution or change because what i was shopping for was keeping me from the very thing that could truly fit..that could truly make a difference.

I have learned over the years about this part of my "shopping around for answers". I have learned that taking the straight forward approach and dealing with things I dislike, that seem hard, that seem sometimes insurmountable actually can be easier. But it takes a fearlessness that, well is for me only possible when I truly feel that support and love around me. When I know that when I step out on that precipice that someone, something is there to hold and guide me. I have that faith today..and I have another piece of experience with this new phase of health to share that by stepping out and really zeroing in on THE issue...by not deflecting it any more and trying. really trying to take it head on, one day at a time..well, so much has and is happening I could never have dreamed of!...So,....from here on out..when it comes to my health..I have a clearer picture of what i want...and I am NOT shopping around..I am going for it...and I am leaving with it...and hopefully wearing it to the best of my ability. Thanks be to God!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Day 593: Greater than through love and support

In all these years it has never ceased to amaze me that if I listen to what is coming out of my mouth when I am talking to someone that I am dispensing my "pearls of wisdom" to..inevitably those very words are the ones that I need to be hearing, processing, and living by myself! :) It is kind of wonderful actually!

Tonight I was listening to someone I love very much and I started to lay out all the stressors (good and bad) that I was witness to in this person's life. I was saying how taking stock of all of this was neccessary to really be clear and honest with oneself to be able to be sure to take care and to be good to oneself, but also to be fair about involving others or taking on anything new.

I had to laugh when I got off the phone because I heard that voice inside me (and yes, there are voices...no medication needed! LOL) that said..."you did hear what you just said..right?" I thought about it and then I listed out the stressors (both good and bad) in my life and when I sat there for a minute and realized how much I have allowed to gather on my own plate, well, let's just say the blessings I was facilitating for another was flowing back to me in my own awareness! :)

This comes on the heels of a week in which stress got to maximum levels. We had the dedication of the honors college where I have worked for 11 years and along the way there were some personal issues with people that i love that came up, and I was trying to keep up with appointments and meetings as well. It was just too much. Period.

The thing that exacerbated it all was that I was having some real issues with my own self image this week as well. I was looking in the mirror and seeing this fat man. I have talked about not being able to see my weight loss before, but this week was really bad and I was having some real issues. I have really fallen in love with running, but I know not to push myself too hard because I do not want to injure myself to hurt my chances of being able to exercise regularly. Well, on one evening this week, after literally working and being in meetings and class all day, for a 14 hour day, I still went for a run. I conned myself into thinking this was "stress relief". But what it really was was absolute fear of being fat and concern over what i saw in the mirror.

Ok...so this is a problem...but one that I am actually glad happened, because it is something that by seeing it, I am learning from it and am on the other side of it. I got so stressed this week that my ability to feel healthy was out of reach so my abiltity to see myself as healthy was out of reach. My own mind let me see me in ways that were just not accurate.

A real gift, though, came to me as one of my students was taking pictures at the dedication and he took a picture of me that was profound. I got home Friday night and I downloaded the photos and I saw this photo and for a minute it was hard to see "me". But then, I realized, the pretty thin guy standing there (in profile no less), was actually me. I was not posing, not tucked in, not styled for the camera. Dylan had just caught me in the moment. It was like seeing myself for the first time..and there was no "fat man" in that picture. There was the "me" that I wanted to be. It is my profile picture right now. I can't really explain it, but it was not a narcissistic moment, it was a real moment of "seeing".

The next day, I went to the Rape Crisis Event "walk a mile in her shoes". I was renewed, but still tired. I put on the heels and set out with the crowd. I was walking with this couple who had shirts on from another gym and they were asking me about my journey, having heard about me from another. I told them about it and it was as if my week was in their minds. They asked me if I had any more weight I wanted to loose and I said maybe about 10 to 15. the husband started asking me if I could "see" my weight loss? I laughed and said as a matter of fact I was just having that issue with stress this week. He said he and his wife had had the same issues and to watch out becoming obsessed with it as being able to "see" yourself and be healthy is as important and "feeling" healthy and balanced. We had a wonderful talk that only reinforced what I had seen and experienced in the week and I just marveled that this conversation with these two strangers (as I am walking the streets in high heels no less!) came to me. God I love how it works!

I don't know if I will ever truly "see" me without seeing some issues. But I do know that stress inhibits my vision on many levels, that a lot of my stress I CREATE, that I am in control of a great deal of what I choose to do, and that my choices, given these last 22 years can be more often than not, very positive. As I grow, I want my choices to be more of those that build on those that create the best in what I can be and do. I can choose to be a lot of things: spiritual, loving, sober, loyal, married, charitable, forgiving, open, honest, forthright, openminded, on time, responsible, accountable, and as I have seen in this last year and a half, I can choose to be healthy in body, athletic, energetic, and motivated... and I can choose to see myself in a positive and affirming light...right sized, and loving. I can also choose to work on those things that inhibit my choices, my vision, and my growth.

For today..I am just so grateful for the awareness.....and a picture taken by a student who had no idea they were taking a picture that would make such a difference for me.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Day 590: Greater than through love and support

Is it thursday? really? Lord have mercy it just goes so fast! LOL!
This week has been amazing and VERY busy! but I was running the other night and I remembered something that came up in my mind when Adam first approached the subject of runnning I swore I was going to tell on myself and write it down.

So, in the late eighties, I was watching "Designing Women" and Julia Sugarbakker took up running with some of her friends. She got very competitive as was her propensity in most matters and the "moral" of the story was that her competitive nature was hurting more than her "moral" standing as "running" was, as they said, bad for her and bad in general for knees and ankles. Ok..so, I let that story..that friggin sit com get into my head and for two decades..almost three went around talking about running being bad for you because of what JULIA SUGARBAKKER HAD TO SAY ABOUT IT ON DESIGNING WOMEN!...no, I am not lying..I am telling the truth.

Why am I telling you this? Well, it is another way that misinformation got into my mind and ultimately kept me from something that could not only help me but has shown me a great peace, a great freedom..a great joy! Hell, it shows me that not doing my homework, not looking into what was right for me and what works for me can really have a deleterious effect on my health..and for a long time!

I remember that when Adam started talking to me about running, I immediately came up with "but my knees...my ankles..running is not good for me"..and I remember him saying..."where did you hear that"...and I have to admit that at first I just did not know..but when I figured it out...I was just to embarrassed to say. So, when I was running the other night..when I was feeling how amazing it was to RUN and to feel that freedom..and I remembered good ole Julia Suggarbaker running back into her big ole southern living room...I had to laugh. But laugh realizing that I cannot allow, ever, anecdotal information to inform me on my own health. Not to mention that no matter how much I now WANT to be healthier, I am still dealing with an old habit that is in my thinking still....see there was that person back in the last eighties listening to Julia Suggarbaker that was looking for a reason NOT to exercise. NOT to run when my friends where running. There was that part of me that was looking for an answer that would satiate my own desires to NOT have to do things that would make me change behaviors or do things for myself. See, that is the part of my mind that can and does justify all sorts of things that can hurt me...and no, that is not what I want and I have to recommit to each and everyday.

So, just for today, I have to let Julia Suggarbaker be a remnant of my tv past and turn to my friend Adam for expert advise....but moreover...turn now to my own experience of running and feeling that freedom and realize that doing what is right for me takes understanding how to do it..and how to do it for me...and then doing it...that is what has transformed my life...and tonight I am so grateful for it!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Day 586: Greater than through love and support

So I am trying to start an internet craze...a little self serving..but one that I hope takes off.

I, from time to time, really enjoy shouting out on my status something wonderful about the people that I love and that i admire. But this week, I was running the trail and I happened on Dr. Dan Johnson as he was riding his bike home. I slowed down and as i did he grinned from ear to ear and said that he has just gotten two more donations for the Miracle Field at Olsen Park in excess of 20k.

Now, that might not sound as impressive to corporate fundraisers or to folks in the profession who do this for a living, but Dan is a professor of Health and Applied Human sciences at UNCW and and he another dear friend of mine, Dr. Candy Ashton, focus on the accessibility to parks and recreation to all people...the disabled, the differently abled..they have spent their careers on this and they are amazing.

But what is so special about dan is that I remember about 6 years ago when he came to the Parks Advisory board with the idea of a hard surface ball field in which wound warriors, people in wheel chairs, all people, children and adults could have access to the same games and recreation that so many enjoy and take for granted. Gary Shell, the visionary that he was, was thrilled, and we were all moved. Gary saw this at the park that has become the joint city county park, olson..but it was Dan and this HUGE dream that moved if forward. Mind you there was and is NO funding for this. that did not hinder of stop dan. He assembled a group and they are on their way towards the million bucks in this economy. See, they are believers in something good, something lasting, something that transcends politics and "stuff" and they are working on that end for HEALTH AND WELLNESS for ALL people.

So, I was thinking about Dan..and the biggest thing that came out about him, was how humble he was. So like my friend Gary..and I was at the least going to say, out loud, NOW, while he was and is on this earth, how special he is!

This moved me to want to start this movement: I Spy.

Oh..it is not just the Dan Johnson's of the world. Why not use my status on facebook to share about the cahier at the grocery store that takes such good care of me named Ms. Sarah or Ms. Gloria at the Dry Cleaners. Why not talk about the woman that I know who makes so many meals for Interfaith and tends to homeless families. Why not use my status to talk about the attorney that I know did pro-bono work for a couple seeking adoption. See what I mean. I figure if this takes off, then we will have status after status, after status of the "good news' about each other.

I guess, I am on this for a lot of reasons. First and most importantly because I see and experience so much good everyday and want to share it. But second to that is that in our media and in our social media there is so much negative. So much that is about personal lives. Hell, we publish mugshots of people BEFORE their trial as if they were indeed convicted of crimes and I know plenty of people who just LOVE to search those pics. We live for the juicy photos of fallen politicos. The Perez Hiton's of the world. We chase down the dirty details of the private lives of those we feel are so powerful or important. I have seen so many status's regarding yelling or decrying this service person or that service person who somehow inconvenienced us. So much fills our virtual and printed space with negative that is almost accepted. It makes something good, something well done seem rare or special. I want good and special to be the norm..as there is a lot of it...at least some balance.

I think the last reason is the worst for ME of all. It is the way we talk and share about each other. We "bless the hearts" of people to death, but we love to share a good story about the tragedy of others. Oh, I know there is sometimes real sincerity in our talking about and sharing sympathy for the pains of others. But let's be honest. Why are we talking about it? I have to check my motives. If I occupied my time with talking about the good that I see, I would not have time for the other. I am very guilty of the former. Sharing my angst about someone. It is not something I want to do or want to be a part of...and it is up to me to do better. At the root of it I usually find fear, jealousy, anxiety, insecurity, something within me that spurs this on and that is not what I want.

I remember daily that I am a three fold being: physical, spiritual, mental. If I am truly to be healthy..if my insides and outsides are to match, this has to be a part of it.

So, I will shout the good news, put the bad where it belongs (in the hands of God)...and maybe, just maybe this will catch fire on the internet and we will all be in the proverbial station wagon playing a game of "I Spy" on this long, but amazing trip!

here is the link to "like" I Spy"

Monday, September 12, 2011

Day 580: Greater than through love and support

Tonight was a special vigil held at UNCW as the NC Legislature debated whether to write discrimination into the constitution of our state. I was asked to speak. This blog is dedicated to my life: mind, body, and spirit. Tonight, being honored to speak at this event, surrounded by over 150 caring and amazing people form 17 to 80, I knew that in the darkest moments, there is hope, as long as we act and act together: bound by our common humanity and decency. There was love in that place tonight...and love will prevail. That is what this journey is all about: we are greater through love and support:

This is what i shared:

I have a little show and tell for you all tonight!

These are the glasses of Sylvester Allen Austin, my great-grandfather. He was born in the 1880’s in Harnett County right here in North Carolina. He lived his entire 94 years in Harnett and Wake County and I had the privilege until I was 13 years old of going to his home and sitting with him and listening to him tell stories about this state, the world, and literally unveil for me what no history book, movie, or video could ever reveal.

Through these glasses he witnessed more change in one lifetime than any of us could ever fathom. Think about it: the rise of the gilded age, cars, planes, rockets, moon landings, industrialism, phones, tv, radio, records, tapes, movies. And in his world, here in North Carolina, he grew up just 20 years from the Civil War..worked shoulder to shoulder with former slaves, he saw Jim Crow at its height and watched it’s dismantling. He saw hate and saw divisiveness.

But Papa saw that there was a better way, and that is what he taught his daughters and that is how he and my great grandmother lived their lives.

That is the North Carolina that I inherited.

In all those years what my great grandfather NEVER saw was discrimination written INTO the constitution. Ironically, it was just the reverse.

The world that he worked and literally toiled in as a farm owner and a small businessman, that he aspired to see given to his children and ultimately to me, well, he would never have guessed would end up in the hands of a body like it is on this eve where a citizen is proposed to decide, not on their own ideas of what is right or wrong, but to have the state sanction AGAINST its own.

Now, I have another artifact. This one is a notebook. In it is a letter written by Lois Austin, who became Lois Austin Phelps. She was writing it in Campbell College in 1936 to the Raleigh News and Observer. In the letter she is commenting on the suggestion that she had read in the paper in which others had indicated that African Americans did not have souls and were not equal to Caucasians.

She was writing to say that such notions were, as she said “absurd” and she believed that we are “equal in God’s eyes”. I loved her snippy retort in the margin when she says in that too perfect handwriting “every educated person would agree”. Her letter was very passionate and succinct. But it was also brave. At that time, it was not the common thing for a woman of her age, color or locale to speak out much less write such a letter.

Lois was Mr. Austin’s daughter and my grandmother.

She is the North Carolina that I inherited.

Tonight..I can point here in the audience and there is Nancy Lois Phelps Hodges. She is the granddaughter of Papa Austin and the daughter of Lois Austin and my mother. Don’t need an artifact for her, she is a living example of the North Carolina I inherited. She has spent her life continuing the trend set for her, breaking through glass ceilings and frankly..just showing up for what is right.

She is the North Carolina that I inherited.

So here I am. The inheritor of these glasses, this notebook, and my mother’s example. Here we all are on the eve of watching our North Carolina decide on letting other’s decide on writing discrimination into OUR constitution. It is no surprise that we are here. That is the sad part. We knew it would come.

But it is NOT who we are. It is not what is right and we have a charge. If, after every call, every email, and every personal connection is exhausted, this comes to pass, then it is up to each of us to ensure that the North Carolina that I have outlined…that I have inherited is the North Carolina we leave to each other and those who come beyond us:

From My Great Grandparents: a North Carolina that continues to expand freedoms, heals divisions, and moves forward

From my Grandmother: a North Carolina that becomes more educated and EXPECTS to be educated and is FEARLESS in its advocacy and its defense of what is right

From my Mother: A North Carolina that is a power of example for others, that braves new paths and regardless of circumstances continues to show up!

This will happen if each and every one of us will be willing to be unified, educated, fearless, powers of example and for God’s sake..show up when the time is nigh! 

The legislature has passed the bill and it will move to the people. The time is nigh.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Day 579: Greater than through love and support

"Be the Change you wish to see in the world"
I vlogged today. Hope you can view it:

Monday, September 05, 2011

Day 573: Greater than through love and support

This has been an amazing weekend...I guess yesterday was one of the bigger moments though:
I ran from our house in College Acres to Wrightsville beach. Yep! It was amazing. I got out for a run and wanted to do the Eastwood Road trail and I thought about it and realzed from our house to Rogersville road was a little over 2 miles. If I did that distance again, i would be close to the beach and since I have been running a four mile trail from time to time around UNCW, why not.
It felt great! I honestly did not really feel it until I hit the draw bridge. Even then I only felt it in my toes. My legs were in great shape. The cool part was that as I was running, Adam and Koral passed by...it was nice to see them and share that moment.
I crossed over the bridge..and it was STUNNING. The boats going out, the beauty of the intracoastal...along the way, it was like this...intermittent trees and landscapes and I was running! running through all of it!
I got close to the beach and did the following video:

Here is the link:
http://youtu.be/Xvpk5y2Do9w

But as soon as I hit the sand, I called michael. For me it was a moment that I never dreamed of..like last year when I biked to the beach for the first time. Imagine, last summer, biking to the beach was a milestone...and now I do 20 miles plus on my rides. This year, I ran it.

The moment was made even more special becuase as I am sharing with Michael the victory of the moment, I asked him to come and pick me up, but to bring my canteen when he came becuase I had not brought water or a wallet and really needed to hydrate.

A woman and her children nearby must have heard me talking to Michael and the next thing I knew she was handing me a bottle of water. It was the coolest thing in the world. So very special and the water tasted better than any i have had in a long time. It was water given so freely from a stranger who was, in some way, celebrating with me...connecting with my victory. It was just precious and something I treasure more than I can say.

I walked to the water and soaked my feet in the surf. It felt so good that I had brought myself her...but on the support, love and good energy of so many...
.
I did call Michael to get me because I have learned that while i can push myself more even after the point of achieving something new...it is best to take it a step at a time. No need to go from 4 miles to 11 in one day. I had already taken my 4 mile run to 5.8 to get to the beach and so not to step on that victory by hurting myself, I made sure to take care by riding back. The return trip will come. That is something to look forward to. It was 5.8 miles in 1 hour and 15 minutes. But moreover, it was so much more!

Today, well, i have a little bug in me that is not so fun. But I am physically well..and mentally..mentally and physically I am just amazing by the weekend as a whole.

I do got to be the guest speaker at Adam's Heart Healthy Fit Camp. It was so special.

As I have said, I will go anywhere, anytime to share my story. But for this, this was a direct outcome of all of this goodness. I got to talk to the members of the Adam Freeman Healthy Heart Fit Camp! Adam has donated his expertise to anyone that wants to come, as long as they donate to the Heart Walk, for eight weeks, to learn how to get healthy!

Adam has enlisted the help of three other trainers to help out as well who have donated their time with him to do this. As with my own learning, stretching is a key to growth and to not getting hurt. Chantay, who teaches as Crest leads the warm up and is such a spirit of joy and positiveness!

a couple laps around to start to warm up. This group has folks from low thirties to as much as in their 60's and for many they have never run..ever. Look at them now! (including my own wonderful Michael!)

Adm shows and demonstrates each exercise for the group and shows how to make it happen safely and also gives the alternatives so that everyone has the opportunity to participate. So if you cannot do a full push up, he shows what you can do to start with.

and this camp, there were 10 stations set up. Each person did the exercise for 40 seconds with a 20 second rest and then move on to the next exercise. All parts of the body were being exercised and there were ways for each person to be successful with Adam and the assistant trainers on hand to work with the group.

When you got past the 10th station, you hopped on the bike. There were two teams and the team with the highest mileage on the bike won..but we were all winners! YOu should have heard this group supporting each other, yelling for the best results for each person. It was SOOOO awesome! and they were there to learn and to grow..but they were helping EACH OTHER! they were greater than through love and support of each other! It was stunning to witness and to be a part of!

Crest Fitness stepped up to allow the camp to be at their fitness center and for each of the participants to use their facilities for free and there are guest speakers and experts helping EACH week with those attending FOR FREE! just helping folks get involved and get healthy!
This week's guest health person was Jessica Cooper who demonstrated Thai Yoga exercises and how to be more flexible and manage growth and strength and all of it. She is and was amazing! She is a private massage therapist and does these classes for all kinds! You can sense from her a positive spirit and someone who is connected and truly giving. Again, she did this for the class at no charge! http://happyfamilieshappybabies.com
Talk about amazing! NO ONE in this community gives and does like this! It is stunning!

Talk about amazing! NO ONE in this community gives and does like this! It is stunning!
There is not a program of giving that can even touch this one. You may say I am prejudiced because Adam has done so much for me and he and I are friends. But NO ONE in Wilmington has given like this to help more folks get healthy...and Adam, with Nick and Wanda at Crest, these co-trainers, and all these guests...they GET IT. Yep, they make their living at this. But they truly believe that healthy hearts and healthy living is important..and they want to see folks successful.

That is what I saw on Saturday morning..and those are the types..in giving...people that I revere the most. You don't need a ton of money to give. You don't need even a ton of time. Just giving your own talents. Giving what you know. Being available for something good. That is Philanthropy. That is LOVE, FAITH, and CHARITY. It is what I live to celebrate and what I love more than I can say because at the end of the day, when we are dust. what I have left in this world have nothing to do with the physical things I collected..eventually all that will turn to dust...it is what I did with others, for others, and yes, how I treated myself that counts and counted. I know that now and that awareness grows each and everyday.

I guess, I am going on and on about it right now becuase there is so much that can absorb me, around me that is negative, locally and throughout the world. Staying connected to this goodness..taking care of myself so that I can be more connected with things and issues that are important to me and that are part of things that I value..well, that is grace. Absolute and beloved grace.

Thanks be for grace!

Friday, September 02, 2011

Day 570: Greater than through love and support

I love surprises...most of the time! then there are those surprises that come with ropes dangling from the ceiling and maniacal grins from skinny, muscular faces looking at me as if I am the condemned in some kind of bastille day re-enactment and this is the last round of torture for the gaurds before the big release.

Oh yes...it was "new" learning day at training this morning and as Adam so proudly displayed on his status..I had my a** kicked! But not by the usual transformer-looking machines or dumbells being hurled through the air..no..this time it was just a bunch ropes with handles that looked like the last 1970's Larry Flynt fun room. But, fun, not so much! :) This my friends...is TRX..

I have not clue what it stands for..I frankly am too tired even to come up with a name for it..but I know, in all seriousness that it stands for the next level in my fitness training.

And aside from my hyperbole and over the top descriptions, I am excited about it. For two reasons: 1.) had, a year and a half ago, I been placed "on the ropes", so to speak, of these things..I would have FAILED..walked away and never come back. But this morning..I walked into that room with a confidence I have never had before and I was ready to try something new. Frankly..I was ready to try anything..because a.) I trust Adam enough to know he would never let me get hurt and b). I am healthier and more capable and can do more and am up to the challenge. That is an awesome feeling. 2.) and the second reason that I was excited was that I WANT a new challenge.

I am by no means bored by my work outs..but i WANT to see what I can do..to explore and learn and go places I have not been before and use different things to get the results that make me feel healthier and stronger. It is not about being scared anymore..or being intimidated..hell. BRING IT ON! :)

Now, we just started with this this morning on some very basic stuff, so I really cannot go into detail yet. But i will share more when i learn more. More than anything I am psyched about not being afraid to do something different. To get out of my comfort zone..to grow.

Funny, that seems to be a theme lately..growth.

At work (not in my department, but around me), so much is changing. It just hit me that I am being presented, metaphorically, with ropes that appear like those torture mechanisms latley. They aren't really different than what I have always had, they are just presented by different people in different ways..and sometimes they "hurt" a little. I have to adapt to them in order to grow. I have to figure out a way to exercise with them and excel in order to get the best results. Being resistant, seeing the mechanisms for "training" as a threat only breeds hostility. Seeing them as an opportunity to be better...well, that is the way to challenge and maybe do better and get more for the things I value most.

God, I love this blogging mess..It helps me to think and get out what is sometimes so muddied in my head...

that said..I am looking forward to a long weekend...and thanks be!

1st Day of this Journey!