Sunday, May 29, 2011

Day 482: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

I bought a belt. I know..that is not really news..but I posted it on my facebook nonetheless. It was the first time in years..and I mean years that i bought a fabric belt. The reason is that they really don't make those causual belts for big and tall. It has been embarassing wearing leather belts with casual shoes, but that is what you have to do when my waist got to be a 54!  Not that having to wear a belt was all that essential since it was usual that most of my clothes were pretty snug even when I tried to by the next size up.

I am serious. My eating had gotten to the point where in the morning I put on my clothes and they fit ok. I was then off for the day. I would stop at Hardees or Bojangles or some fast place. If hardees, it was a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit AND a steak biscuit with cheese and hashrounds and a diet coke. When i got to the office I would drink coffee and somewhere in the morning, I would usually have a muffin, a doughnut or something of that nature. At lunch, I would have something equally as "quick"..dropping though a drivethru and grabbing a burger and fries...usually Wendy's triple with cheese, pickles, and mayo..fries and a diet coke. Then in the afternoon some snack...and then a big dinner with sweets and eating until I passed out. That was an average day for me of eating. I was eating for convenience and I was eating out of pure stress...filling and unfulfillable place with the easiest and worst foods imaginable. And by the end of the day, the clothes that fit the morning literally left an indented pattern around my waist because I would have swollen throughout the day and everything would feel so tight.

Not anymore...yesterday, I bout a belt and it was a size 38! It was not a belt that had to go to the very last hole..there was actually space on it..and it fit beautifully and gave me hope that while I have hit a goal with this waist size, I can set new goals and go even further towards my health and wellness. It was even better because I know that at the end of the day, at the end of a full day, that belt will not leave a dent, an impression on my body..because I am not killing myself anymore with my gorging..the choices that i made that began to make choices for me.

There is a new sense of freedom in all this and it is amazing!

Don't get me wrong..I still have to watch my eating. That is a daily walk. In fact, we have decided to do custom fit meals for our dinners to help with not only with portion control but also with controlling out eating out and making sure that we have something healthy and well prepared in the house each and every evening.  I just picked up our first round of meals today and am looking forward to this new addition today!

I also need to get out that it is hard for me still to see my body and changes. Lateley in particular I have looked in the mirror and it is hard for me to see me as a 38 inch waist. I see the larger man staring back. Only when i put on clothes that are slimmer or I see a picture do I see it..but my mind's eyes makes it hard for me to see my progress...muscle can be discouraging..even hard to deal with sometimes....But i know it is just the old tapes playing in my head and I am pushing through..
Particularly when the scales are showing that I have lost more weight and i have pushed through the stagnation period and i am trimming up more!

I am so very grateful today for all it...but I am the most grateful today for a simple..but a symbol fo so much!

thanks be to God!

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