Saturday, May 21, 2011

Day 474: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

I have found some pretty amazing snacks lately..not so bad on the health side...fig newtons are making cookies now and they are delicious...low calorie and low fat. Hell, they are making these little "bars" with fruit filling too just like special K with very little sugar and like 100 calories! Love them!

But, again, there is a catch..I have blueberries and oranges in the house. I have fresh fruits and veggies in my house and I have really integrated them into my life..but as soon as I bring in the low fat snacks..well, after 40 years of habits...I gravitate to the "cookies", the "bars", the whatever if packaged and convenient instead of what is packaged by nature. So, while I am a complete advocate for having them, I just have to make choices for me about what is right in this house. If I am to keep on this track, I need to surround myself with those things that keep me healthy and that keep me moving forward. Even if these snacks are "healthier", if I am gravitating towards them exclusively, or if I am eating them like I ate the other foods that were unhealthy (chips, cookies etc)...then, like anything else that jeopardizes my good health...they have to go. Period. So, time will tell...

Last night we celebrated my Mother's 68th birthday. It was a night I will not soon forget. First, we decided to go to Airlie Gardens to the concert. I was really looking forward to this as Airlie is one of my favorite places...ever. The concerts are amazing and there is this "life" that is there that is like no other. I have to admit that what happened when we got there was completely unexpected.

Understand, my Mother has endured for 10 years or more, the debilitating effects of a chronic illness called Chronic Fatique with unreal pain and effects from Fibromyalgia and other issues, that for days, months and weeks at a time can leave her in constant pain. What has been worse for a woman who was a professional, independent and incredibly articulate, spiritual,  and intellectual woman, was that because the disease has no cure and doctors spend a great deal of time trying to "figure out" how to treat it, she has also endured "treatments" that have literally left her drugged for years at a time.

She also dealt with those, even family, who did not take the time to understand her illness becuase on many days she appeared "normal". It was horrific to deal with that kind of constant pain and have to explain it at the same time. When she and my step father moved to Wilmington, I knew that it was was a chance for, not a cure, but at least for change...and while she still deals with this damned disease, the quality of her life and the ability for her to live well while having it has been so much better due in large part to gaining control over the "treatments" and being the captain of her own destiny regarding the drugs that they give her (did I mention how smart she is! lol), having an enormously spiritual and beautiful group of friends, and an amazing husband unlike any one could dream of. I write about this because she is heroic in her own way with overcoming so much and demonstrating how one can thrive through adversity and come out of it LIVING! She has done it her whole life....and it is powerful!

Well, last night...I got to see her dance. Something she has not done in YEARS. I can remember as a child when Mother was in graduate school, she and her friends dancing to what I think was bluegrass on the eno river when the Eno river festival first began. She was as happy then as I have ever seen her. It was like that some 40 years later in Airlie...but this time it was the Imitations and we were shagging to some great beach music!

She says it was her present. But it is my birthday, Christmas, Easter, and everything else present all in one to see her smiling, laughing and celebrating life! And for the first time in my life, I got to dance with her! I do not take for granted how many folks would give their eye teeth to have that chance with their mom or was a special moment...but for me, to see all she has endured, and then to see that pure and absolute joy...was the best moment I could have asked for. It was magical.

Today, well, today, she is in bed all day..and she knew that would happen. But that is ok. That is part of what she deals with in her own day to day. But like she has my whole life, she is taking the circumstances she has and living the best life she can with those as they are. It is a very potent lesson: accept that which you cannot change. By doing so, the struggle ceases on so many front and energy can then be extended to a dance I (or she) did not even know we had. If we were fighting against what is, then the futility is where all the energy goes. But by accepting...there is this wonderful way to LIVE and DO..and BE...and DANCE!

I love the vision: 

I danced at Airlie with my Mother on her 68th birthday. My family, my friends, my God, all of us where there...and it was perfect.

thanks be!

No comments: