Monday, May 02, 2011

Day 455: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

All day I have been on a collision course with myself has been that way since I got up...just rushing and moving forward and not feeling like I could breathe. In the shower I was ahead of my prayers and my thoughts for a good day with what i was going to do when I got to work and when I got to work nothing I had been thinking of doing was actually happening so it all was feeling pressed and pulled and interupted and stressed and ARGHHHH...and in the mix of it I got an email from my particular one of the members of board who just LOOOOVES me (sarcasm) and I did not breathe and took the bait and off I went..and so there I was balanacing all that was going on in my office and this stupid mess with this insipid sniping on email, and oh yeah...last night I was up late watching the President and listening to the news of the Death of Osama Bin Laden with the rest of the world and still trying to process and amazing weeked, and then I was trying to get names to one luncheon and settle an arrangment with another...and oh yeah there were calls from parents who students did not get in, and students dropping by and a dear student who graduated coming by to see me and connect and.....


Yep, it was a day and believe it or not..I had the audacity to look at Michael in the eyes when I got home and say "I just don't know why I feel like I am on the verge of tears every second today and I feel so out of sorts"...WOW!....maybe, by doing exactly what I am doing right now and just looking at what I did today and how I went about is amazing I was not only not balling the whole time, I did not end up in a corner with a pacifier babbling baby talk! :)

Here is what I know..I ran into my day....and I did not stop and pray (and yes, that is off a prayer card..but hey, if it is true, it is true! LOL). I did not stop and take care of me this morning..go to the gym...have that time to set my self on the right path and as a result, the rest of the day never slowed, and I did not stop and restart my say (which is my option).

Now, what i did for myself this evening was go to the gym..I made sure that no matter what, i was going and it was that "settling" that I needed. I got on the treadmill and at 5.6 miles an hour, I ran my heart out for 10 minutes...and I felt it..I felt the day release and I felt it go from my bones...and my soul...and I could breath for the first time in the day.

I went downstairs and did the routine we have been doing lately. Squats with 25pound weights, 20 plus push ups, 20 pull ups on the bar (at an incline), with 45 seconds on the bike at 110 RPM's in between each set, x2...then Chest press, pull downs and 45 seconds on the bike at 110 RPM's in bewtween x2. I forgot to do the leg press..but that was ok.

I am still not feeling completely grounded, but it has helped so much to see the day for what it was and know that for the rest of the evening that even though I have to work this evening, I can take it easier and tomorrow I can take care of myself.  Michael was so great tonight as I talked about the week ahead. It is pretty packed and while there are great things, it is I have to take care to be good at being good to me in order to be able to enjoy what I am doing and do things better and well. After all it is a life worth living and one that I am grateful for in more ways than I can list...and as you all know..I can list a lot! LOL! to some paperwork!

Thanks be!

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