Sunday, November 13, 2011

Day 641: Greater than through love and support

Seems like my posts are becoming Sunday posts...the Sunday Evening Post by Bo...naah..don't like the ring of it. But I am sitting in Rex and looking out of the fifth floor at the amazing trees and the color from fall. It is pretty spectacular! I miss the trees so much! I had to come through town to get here today and I noticed the welcome sign for Raleigh now says the "city of oaks"(ok...this could have been this way for a long time..but i just noticed it)...I thought we were the capital city..but oh well..I do love the trees!

Anyway...things are ok. Daddy is better and actually he can go home tomorrow. He will get a hospital bed for his house now and they can give him a continuous feed for his feeding tube that will hopefully prevent dehydration and kidney issues that put him in so much pain and caused this trip this weekend. It is pretty miserable, but he has been joking today...and happy about the elections in I know he is focused on stuff other than his decline. My sister who lives here is very attentive and we have been in communication a lot. It is a great comfort.

I chose not to go to my award this weekend, but I was able to do a little of the tournament. The award meant so much and from a group I revere, for work that, as Scott Whisnant put so aptly at his Albert Schweitzer ceremony, I was getting because I was "lapping up the glory, while so many others shared in the work".  But what was so special is that a small group of students from UNCW where able to attend! That, in the end is the most important thing. I needed to be close by and to stay on what is my first priority: my family.

There was no irony lost on the fact that this weekend's tournament was for Kidney disease! If that kind of money had not been raised over the years, I know my Dad would not be here today. It is great work while I was a great deal more emotional at times and kept a little more to myself, it was very meaningful and i felt like I was actually making a difference in a very personal way...and I got here..and everything is ok.

I really do have to watch my exercise and diet though while all this kind of mess is happening. Stress was at a new high Friday afternoon and I was grabbing for sugar. I was able to go running on Thursday, but I was not able to Friday or Saturday. I am really hoping i can get to that tonight when I get back. I just don't feel right without it, and the eating was an issue. I was also not sharing like I normally do and a couple of things happened: one I ate more than ususal (no, not a binge, just more). and two, I found myself angry and taking out my pain on silly stuff. This "wellness" thing is more than just diet and exercise, it is prayer, calling, and FEELING. Michael was amazing with me and let me just do the best I could and I was able to reach out to Ashley, but I was trying so hard to just get through and not upset others with my own stress, I ended up causing more stress for me! this hindsight thing..but at least I see it this process is not over and there is a ways to day at a time , and I don't have to do this to myself unless I just really really want to! ;)

Anyway...I have started my annual thanksgiving list. that will and does help a lot..."get me out of me!"

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