Bo Dean's Blog In Wilmington North Carolina

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Day 884: Greater than through love and support

The biggest gift I have ever gotten is the gift of honesty from someone who truly and deeply cares about me. Recently, I've unwrapped two amazing gifts from people who genuinely and unconditionally love me.

The first gift was a few weeks ago when my mother called and said “I want you to come by my house because I need to talk”. Yeah, we all know that line..even in our forties. It is NEVER a good sign! J But, I have to admit that I have come to learn that the conversation is going to have something in it that I need to really bear down.

True to form when I got there in a very loving way, very similar to the way in which she first encountered me several years ago when my weight was at such a critical level, she said “what's going on with you and gaining weight again?” To which of course I was mortified because I was trying so hard to ignore the fact that some of my clothes weren't feeling as comfortable and I knew something was up.

But here I was with my mother and I was able to just take a deep breath take it in and remember how much I was loved and just say “you know what… I am so very stressed out and overwhelmed and I am feeling and repeating some behaviors that I know all too well in dealing with my stress”. I let faced some thing that were going on that I was just not wanting to look at.

I was starting to do some things that were sneaking in. First it was the eating a pizza every week rather than once a month or it was a trigger food here or there that I never eat. No it wasn't fast food but it was potatoes or it was something sweet cookies little things that I just had stopped eating altogether and all of a sudden they're back in my diet, and little by little I was eating more and still eating great healthy things but more of it. And then along with these triggers and what was keeping me so entrenched in denial was the fact that all along I was showing up for exercise and I was showing up for running and I was doing some really good things but I was so stressed out in my work life and in the things that I was doing that I was responding to it with having to go to something in a substance. Can you relate.?

So soon as mom and I finished up our conversation which was so wonderful and such a gift I went to look at your my eating and I really did make some changes. I started to lose a couple pounds and really felt great. The problem though was that one of the major underlying situations is that the stress this change in my way of living on my worklife the the lack of regularity in my hours and so still there was still a piece missing and by that not being addressed then the issue became me being able to attend my workout such sessions as well as getting hurt from time to time because I was not focusing and not taking care of me.

Enter the second gift. Adam and I only see each other for workouts once a week now and here I turn up and I don't show up for couple of sessions. This last time, it was not the “ok bubba, just take care of yourself” email. I get this text from Adam that said , in effect, you know what brother I know you're stressed I know you got a lot going on in your life and I know that you are doing the best you can do in a lot of ways but this isn't working and you are hurting yourself by not showing up for you. You have got to remember to put what you do to take care of yourself first and come to sessions, do your work out; doing what it is that is necessary for you to be healthy. That's got to be first and foremost and you of all people know it.

A long time ago we talked about in my journey here accountability partners. Adam is my trainer but he's gone much further than that now and he's my closest friend outside of Michael and he is my accountability partner and I in many ways work with him in other ways.

But here he stepped up and brought the message back to me that none of this, none of the quality-of-life none of the joy none of the help that I have is possible with out showing up for myself, showing up for those training sessions, showing up for those workouts continuing this journey that allows for me to get better to grow, and I cannot allow anything and that means anything to get in that way.

Now I don't know about you but for me, for years and years and years over my life I have made changes in certain ways and because I would get away from those changes I would then go back to repeating old behavior and I would never clearly breakthrough and completely make the change. Well now it's different because of greater than true love and support I surrounded myself with people who truly get it and they get it in a way that they return it back to me. They give back in ways that reminds me every day how important to me there is in taking care of myself and loving myself enough to want to be healthy and to continue on this journey.

So those are my two gifts: the honesty from two people who love me and I am taking the steps to continue on my journey and to continue loving myself enough to put that as my first priority again and you know if you're reading this and you need to be reminded of being loved enough to continue on your journey surround yourself with these words surround yourself with people.

I just can't explain enough I hope maybe I didn't adequately in this house that nothing more important than the love that we're sharing with each other and support that we give to each other and can be valued or exchange it it's just phenomenal and I am more grateful that I can ever truly truly explain or give that with that and it's incredibly long post I will be at the gym tomorrow and one day at a time would just continue and I'll see

Monday, June 18, 2012

Special: Save our Races in the Port City from Assessment

Tomorrow night, Tuesday, the council will vote on this issue. I hope that all will respectfully write to the council on this issue.

thanks all and blessings!

here are their emails. ‎bill.saffo@wilmingtonnc.gov, Margaret@margarethaynes.com, earl.sheridan@wilmingtongov.com, charlie.rivenbark@wilmingtonnc.gov, kevin.ogrady@wilmingtonnc.gov, laura.padgett@wilmingtonnc.gov, neil.richardson@wilmingtonnc.gov

Dear Wilmington City Council Members,

I am writing to oppose the 1$ per racer fee that is being considered for racers that are using city streets that are endeavoring to raise funds for local fundraisers in the port city.

Currently races are already assessed fees for the streets as well as fees for security either by private or through the Wilmington City Police Department. To add on an additional see is counter to the opportunity that these races provide not only for our city to enjoy the many benefits of these races in which we are bringing in people from across not only our own state and across our region but our country.

These races fill rooms, restaurants, provide great economic stimulus to the city and are an abundant promotion that comes to us at no cost whatsoever.

Much beyond the economics, these races and walks promote the best in who we are as a community by teaching and sharing about health and wellness, bringing families together and by creating opportunities for us to actually create goals and objectives for people to improve their lives.

I am a living witness to that very opportunity coming from a place where I could barely get up a set of stairs to actually running these very city streets in my first race ever race. 2 years ago, I ran my first ever 5k, a fund raiser for the Historic Wilmington foundation. Not only did I achieve that magnificent goal, create a better life for myself, and share that example for others, I did it while enjoying my downtown, my home city; enjoying my community, and shared it with my best friend, my family along the route! All of this and we raised badly needed money for the very community in which I love!

Since this, in race after race, I have seen this happen for so many others and it is truly an amazing blessing to fathers running with sons, mothers with daughters, families running together…all to make their lives better.

The small nonprofits are the lifeblood to who we are and what makes better collaborations for the very things the city cannot do. It is unfortunate to think of taxing the very sources that do for us what we can not do for ourselves. Particularly when are not assessing fees or taxing on those deleterious things in our community. Perhaps it is with some tongue in cheek, but there are realities to these examples when we look at what we are not assessing fees to: we do not turn on the meters for parking in the evening when the bar patrons are coming to enjoy, but we do when the shoppers during the day do. Shoppers do not create need for extra police and trash. The same can be said all over the city for establishments who serve at bars. We do not assess fees to cover the cost of our police and extra clean up for that either. Maybe a dollar for each bar patron. How about a dollar for each patron of a fast food place for the effect on our costs for health. A dollar for each person who does not recycle. A dollar for each person who is enrolled at a college as there are direct links to extra security for apartments and neighborhoods. And the list goes on.

Bottom line, we are considering assessing a fee on something that actually does reduce health risk, that creates a better community, makes money for our non-profits, makes money on our economic base and that makes a better life and does something that actually works for us.

I know the leadership in Parks and Recreation. They are AMAZING and I love them all very much as they work harder and with less every year, but they try very hard for all the citizens of this city. I worry this is a constraint put on them from a difficult budget. Certainly, I do not presume the role of my elected leaders and do not presume to know all the answers. However, I do know that penalizing something in our city that produces positive results; taking money out of non-profits that are collaborative with our city; removing the incentive for others to do these races and promote health and wellness by making it more expensive and thus making it less egalitarian is not the answer.

There are other sources of income to make up 15k dollars. There are parks foundations that can be set up that have still not been done in our city. There are other ways.

We have all worked together successfully to create better parks and infrastructure. We have done our part by paying our taxes. Now it is up to our city’s management to ensure that those services that benefit the entire community are funded properly and those things that are for all the people that have such positive effects for all people are not penalized by fees.

I so appreciate you hearing this and will look forward to the results of your decisions.

Sincerely,

L.S. “Bo” Dean Jr.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Simple Acts of Love: a Special for Domestic Violence Prevnention

I was blown away to be asked to be the keynote at the annual Father's of Hope breakfast that is done for the Domestic Violence Shelter. This amazing place does so much to prevent domestic violence in our area and come to the aid of victims. These men are honored each year in an ad that is done by the Star News...it is amazing and those who donate to it make such a difference. But more than that...standing up makes a difference.....

http://www.domesticviolence-wilm.org/donate.aspx

here are my remarks:

Bear with me for a minute. I hope this will all be clear. But I have to tell a story….

Last week I went to topsail island.

18 months ago I was given the gift of the adoption of a sea turtle named chase.

Turtles are something I am VERY into. They tell us the story of our oceans, but they also tell us how we treat our oceans and how we treat the world we inhabit.

This magnificent animal was almost destroyed by propellers, had lost part of one of her powerful fins, and came very near to death.

Over the eighteen months at the Karen Beasley Sea Turtle Hospital, she was given regular care and nursed back to health.

As her adopted parent, I had her picture on the wall and I would regularly stop during each day and say a prayer for her..and from time to time go see her.

So here I was, her adopted father…one of them at least..and I had this amazing honor of walking her to the ocean, to return her home. Healthy once again.

This reporter, very insistent, was hanging over the side of the truck as we were getting Chase on her way and kept asking all sorts of questions to which all of us politely answered. Our attention, you see, was on Chase and her ride to the beach. But she kept asking and we answered and soon, she went on her way.

So, we get to the release and we walk Chase through the thousands of school children and others gathered; cheering and so thrilled to see these beautiful creations, sharing in this great moment.

We walk her to the water and we take her to the crashing waves and in that moment; that blissful wonderful moment as she is beating the hell out of my thighs..so elated to go home..there is that sweet release..that moment when you feel this magnificent animal returned to where she belongs.

I watched her turn and swish and then disappear into her world…and it was done..and she is home.

I let go tears and sobs of joy and I turned to walk away from the crowd to have a moment alone and here comes the reporter!

She said “how do you feel?”

I was able to get out. “so very happy”.

She asked “why?”

I said..”becuase chase is home”

She said..why do you or any of these people do this?

I said, “because it is a simple act of love”

And she said…”why is that important.”

I looked at her..and for a minute I was a little irritated..I thought “what a question? Why in the world ask that?”

But I looked at her and realized she was really being sincere, not smarmy and wanted to know. “Why is it so important to do a simple act of love?”

It did not take but a second for me to say “because, when it is all said and done, it is truly all that matters and all that we have.”

“Nothing I acquire in this world. Nothing I make in this world. Nothing I will ever possess in this world will be buried with me. “But that…”

and I pointed to the ocean..and then to the cheering children watching this wonderful moment and to all those people who make those turtles well…

”that makes a difference…and that is important.”

And so, I left there and I was driving back to Wilmington and I got to thinking about this moment, where Kathy Gresham had asked me to speak to you this morning. A speaking engagement that frankly I thought was way out of my league and humbled me greatly.

I got to thinking about the way I got involved in this years ago by honoring my step dad and my father each year by participating in the ad that the star news does; promoting men who stand up against domestic violence. Examples.

And I got to thinking about what an amazing, loving, and power of example of father, husband, and friend my step dad has been over the years. What a great husband he has been to my mother; what respect he has for all women; what a power of example he sets.

I got to thinking about the men that would be in this room this morning and all of the acts of love, kindness, and good that each of you amass each and every day and I have been witness to over the years of knowing many of you.

I was washed with this feeling where that moment with that turtle..that simple act of love…was so symbolic of all of what you embody; what this event embodies.

Just like in that act, when we transcend our titles or roles in our day to day lives, what we have, where we are from and we rise to what is the best of us, the best actions in us, those are the “simple acts of love” those are the things that really matter.

Being here today, standing up for the victims of domestic violence, whether they be women, elders, men, or children, that my friends, that is a beautiful act of love at its finest.

But moreover, living lives that deny violence and suffering a foot hold, and remaining at the ready to be available at every opportunity to prevent it in others, that is when we claim this “Men of Hope” “Father’s of Hope”, by setting an example, living as an example, and standing up against all domestic violence

And what is truly magnificent about it is that it does not take muscle

it does not take aggression, it does not take us exerting force or our own will. This is what has been granted us as a way of life for the taking. It is a choice that is at the ready each and everyday.

And for me, what is so humbling is to be here, in this moment, in front of my step dad, in front of so many of you, who make that choice..and who live it out. You get that it is about those actions that demonstrate our care for each other, our families, those we work with and particularly those we live with and are the closest too.

Simply put, it is my honor this morning just to come before you and thank you for being men who are willing to do this very beautiful “simple act of love.”

http://www.domesticviolence-wilm.org/donate.aspx

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Day 854: Greater than through love and support

I wrote this on Wilmington Faith and Values. It is from memory of another time that seems to parallel what is happening today. here's to progress and moving forward together.
http://wilmingtonfavs.com/culture/gender-and-sexuality/writer-sees-parallels-between-defeat-of-womens-equality-and-amendment-one-p

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Day 851: Greater than through love and support

I did a video today that means a lot to me and is very vulnerable for me right now. Yeah, I have done other videos before as I have gone through this journey, but lately I have been really impatient and very demanding of myself. To the point where I have been concerned.

Of course, I have not been posting like I need to and there have been some basics that i have not been attending too, but I am here now and today, as I got ready to do the amazing workout routine that Adam has for me now, I decided to video tape it and to sit and watch it. For as much as I am ok with photos of myself and as much as I am "out there", taking this video was very difficult. This is very revealing (at least to me), and for me I can see every place that I have to still make changes. But, what i did with it was watch it and remember how much of a miracle it is...how much progress I have made and how grateful I am...it was, at the end of watching it something I am very proud of. I hope Adam is not upset with me for posting it because my form is not exact throughout (particularly in the ski thingees), but without a trainer present, I think it is something I am very proud of and it is the THIRD rep....meaning that this is the third set of these exercises!!! From where I started from and to be able to do this routine, but be able to do it THREE Times...it is such a blessing! I am sharing it to mark the progress..but also...because it is still so much about progress, not perfection and while i still have goals..it is VITAL that I take time to really appreciate where I am and be thankful!

the link to this video if you cannot see it here is: http://youtu.be/LOAk8d-uxlc
Love ya'll!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Day 831: Greater than through love and support

I have a new goal to add to running everywhere I go: do TRX everywhere! :)
Yep, I got my own set of ropes on Saturday (ebay of course!) and I am so psyched. The resistance from these is awesome and these are portable and such great pieces of equipment to continue my next level of growth and development. (see the video embedded). Love learning something new!

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Thursday, April 26, 2012

Day 831: Greater than through love and support

Whenever Adam would get me to do repetitions on a new exercise, when I would get to a point when I just felt like I could not do anymore he would tell me to "push through". By pushing through I was able to grow...to move to the next level, to move, in some cases to the next exercise. It was never about "over doing"..it was about doing what I was cable of even when it felt as though the "weight" (literally) was so stacked against me and I could not meet the challenge.

Knowing that I can "push through" under those circumstances has been a real underpinning for me these last couple of weeks. I simply got off the beam with taking care of me. I have been addressing the enormity of the changes in my life (job being biggest among them), and then as I talked about, in less than three weeks there were some pretty large things that went ary in our house and we lost a major life in our home and while the experience of going to California was amazing, it was nonetheless stressful and very full. At the end of the day I was grabbing for comfort food, sleeping later and missing my regular gym time and while I made it to the gym at other times, it was hit or miss and I just felt out of sync.

I faced myself, seeing this "slippery slope" of behavior and made an active decision to "push through" and show up for at the very least a short run on saturday. We went to the beach and it was the an amazing day..and while menatally I was not in the game to exercise...I saw this as an opportunity..and I took it...Michael lay down to enjoy the sun and I just took off down the sand. It was freeing and while I forgot my tennis shoes and was running barefoot, it was so awesome. I was doing something good for me and I was rewarded with the most amazing wind, the smell of the ocean and as I turned to come back from my run past shell island, a flock of Pelicans crossed the horizon in an amazing display. I got back to Michael and lay down as well and literally fell asleep, so content. It was awesome.

I have shown up and pushed through all week, and while this week has been tough in many ways...and there is still a lot I am adjusting to and trying to grasp and understand about what i am doing and how to do it...I have taken the time to run both monday and tuesday, showed up to training with Adam on wednesday (for a hell of a new routine) and today, when I honestly tried so hard to talk myself out of everything...went to the gym and ran the treadmill AND worked on the yard sale this evening! All this and this week I have been pretty good on my eating as well!

It comes back to the basics....loving myself enough to take care of me and remembering that what feels like comfort in the short run leads to discomfort in the end...but pushing through...showing up for me and for my health and well being..well, in the end, it is such a good feeling now and has the wonderful effect of being good for what will come!

So grateful!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Day 831: Greater than through love and support

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Day 824: Greater than through love and support

I want to get this out before I get to far away from the trip and finsih the blog post about the trip to the West Coast. I really need to for my own sake becuase there were some things that happened that were just affirming of the direction that my life is heading in.

When we touched down in San Fransisco, it was amazing to me. I had made it for the very first time across the country. For some, well, that is just no big deal. For me, it was huge. Johnnie pointed out to me as we headed into the city the pacific ocean. I was seeing the pacific ocean for the first time and in my mind I was thinking, I am going to touch that before I leave.

I was exhausted from the flight, but with the time change it was only 10 in the morning. We got into the city and I was let off at my hotel. When I walked in the hotel clerk informed me that my room would not be available until 2. My heart sank. But, I locked up my luggage and struck out with my carry on on my back and just headed down the street. I saw one of those double decker open air tourist buses and hoped on. It was the smartest thing I could have done. I got an open air ride to all the major points in the city and went around as much as I could. It was the perfect way to orient myself to this place and to actually find out where I was. I got to Pier 39 and had lunch with sourdough bread and clam chowder and the famous Boudin's bakery. Years ago my mother and step dad would travel here and mother LOVED sourdough. This was a place for me to stop for her. It was awesome and so filling. From the pier I saw the golden gate for the first time in the distance and it was surreal to see it. It was deceptive at what distance it lay, but there it was. I rode around and walked more getting my bearings and discovered the Academy of Arts University. I had no idea what it was, but the sculpture outside this one building was amazing. I walked more and gallery after gallery was filled with things that made this Magpie have whiplash! :) By 2, I went back and checked in, but I had it in mind that I was going to go to the bridge. Understand that my purpose in San Fran was professional development. Already in one day I had seen so much of an amazing city that was supportive of an art community. I saw galleries that were clearly being fed by such an abundance of art and patrons, but the afternoon was about wanting to go see something I had heard about and seen all of my life: the Golden Gate Bridge. Secondarily, I wanted to see if I could overcome my fear of heights and actually go on it..and in the back of my mind, I wanted to see if I could run it.
Well..I took the bus back to pier 39 and then got off and started walking. Like I said, it was way further than I ever imagined...but the closer I walked, the more excited I got. It was over an hour. But here is the very cool thing:

Somewhere along the walk I heard in my head "be careful not to get so caught up in the destination that you miss something along the way".

Over and over that paid off, but twice in particular. I was walking along and on my left there was this amazing structure...seemingly way out of place that turned out to be the left over of the 19 something world fair called the palace of fine arts. It simply is a collossally beautiful structure. I actually ended up liking it becuase it was just nice. just beautiful. After I left there and passed through this amazing Crissy field, I came onto a rocky place by the bay shore and a man was making sculptures/forms out of rocks. he was balancing large on small and making these forms..and the very making of them was an act of peace, suspense, and tranquility. Everything seemed to just stop around him. It was beautiful. I was transfixed.
I moved on and what was running through my mind tried to get me to turn back. Tried to tell me that there was no way I was going to get up on that bridge. But I pushed forward. I was met at the base of the climb to the bridge by a staircase through hillsides of lillys growing wild..their white petals open to the afternoon sun. It was breathtaking..and I began the climb up. My intense fear of heights melted into that hillside and I climbed up to the bridge..and once on it...I began..to run! The wind..the sun..everything was so intensely freeing. I felt safe...but never ventured to close to the rails. It was phenomenal! I broke free..but more importantly...just like in the flight..I gave over control..gave over to the experience..made the decision to let go and because of that...I was able to experience something amazing!

That, as it turns out, was the lesson of the whole trip: by letting go..by not trying to control it..not caving to fear...and truly allowing myself to show up in that moment and accept the very gifts that were being given to me in those moments, those experiences, those opportunities, I was able to do more, have more, and GROW! the who trip was like that! I was able to take elevators to the 27th floor of buildings(have not done that in years). I went and experienced so much Art and find places..seek out people in museums: get their counsel...do so much that could and would have such a benefit..it was extraordinary!

On the last day, I went to the Legion of Honor...an amazing Museum on a cliff looking over the pacific ocean. I won't go into the journey out there..but it, in and of itself was awesome on public transportaion. But, after I went through the shows and exhibitions and made some very real connections for us here, I went to walk the grounds. I could see, again, the pacific ocean..and I knew, like the bridge, that it was further than it appeared..and there is actually a golf course around the Legion..so i walked along the cart path headed towards the ocean. I was not prepared for what came next. I went past the gate that did allow for any traffic from carts to continue and as I rounded a corner...a vista opened up like nothing I have ever witnesses in my life. I was on a cliff...looking out onto the pacific ocean....below me were giant rocks, waves crashing on them. Trees on the side with wind rushing through....it literally took my breath away and I said outloud and with tears going down my face "God, why do you give me so many blessings"...it was such an amazing gift. Just then a couple..interestingly enough from Virginia came walking up from the path to my right and I said "isn't it amazing" and they said yes and that there was a way down the cliff to the actual beach. I was inspired. I followed the direction they gave and found myself on a mile long climb down to the beach through what felt like Hobbitt woods: thick, ancient, knarled trees..and then I landed..this southern boy..never on the west coast..landed on the pacific ocean. The colored stones were magical...I had to take a few :)! I am stone freak..but just to look at them where they are was enough. What beauty!

Just think about it...2 years ago..I never could have done this..but also..by showing up and letting go...by making that decision to give myself over....it is stunning what life holds. I am not and we are not in control...it is so hard to expereince that all the time..but God, when I do....wow.....
thanks be!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Day 820: Greater than through love and support

I still cannot believe that I am laying in a bed in the Union Square district of San Fransisco..in a hotel...but still. Me. I am not only past the Mississippi for the first time in my life, but i flew here...and since I have been here there have just been amazing things happening.

But the road to here has been wild these last few weeks. Our home went through a series of bumps in the road. First the refrigerator just died, then the air conditioner. Both were with us when we built the place and it has already been almost 12 years. So, having them go out was not so awful, we got good life out of both, but going out at the same time was pretty wild. I love that, like everything, things just worked out. We got an amazing deal on a new frig and got a new unit for the ac put in and were able to do it quickly and without a lot of pain because of some help in the financing for it. Both of these things came as we had made some changes in other areas and have been taking care of ourselves and while we are most certainly not flush...it was the GIFT of being able to do the replacements at all the superseded any bitching about them going out. I was and we are just grateful. One time years ago a woman snapped at me during a discussion about gratitude and said "sometimes Bo, when you step in a pile of sh**t, that is all it is, just stepping in it."

I heard what she was saying, but it stuck in my craw, because what i was learning at the time and what I KNOW now is that while yes, when things are going badly, it most certainly is necessary to acknowledge, feel and experience that or what is happening. But no, there is no need to dwell. There is a choice. There is perspective and sense of living that we can apply to everything in which we do not take away what we have to feel. I choose to see the positive, we can feel the perspective, and we can place things in their proper place and size. I know that there was a time in my life when the a/c, the frig and all of that would have thrown me for a loop. But, I was grateful to even have a home to start with, to be able to replace any of it. None of that negates frustration. It just brings to bear what blessings I really do have.

This was harder for me, though as we faced the loss of one of our beloved cats. Valpone has been with us since we adopted he and his sister as babies. We went to the orange county animal protection place when we were still in Chapel Hill. We wanted to adopt two cats as we were told that they did better as pairs and it was more healthy for them. We say this amazing Persian pair and we were instantly drawn to them and want ed to adopt them. Someone had already adopted one, but not the other. So we went on to look for others. We walked into this back room and from a cage on the floor something reached out and took a swipe at my leg. I looked down and there was this wiry black cat looking back at me and in the corner, balled up, was this little black and white kitten. We were smitten with the pair and adopted them. The folks there told us there was a chance the little black and white might be sick, but they were not sure. Well, she was sick alright. In fact, after we took them to the vet, we learned that had the little black cat not gotten my attention and we got his sister to the vet, she would have died. Michael hand fed her every night. We named her Circe. She was enchanting. He circled the bed and guarded her and us. We called him Valpone. From that day and for the last 14 years, he has been our guardian. Until a few weeks ago when Val started to loose weight. Finally, on last Saturday, we had to take him to the hospital. It was severe anemia and cancer. There was nothing that they could do. Michael and I brought him home for one more night and cried and held him...and he told us he was ok to go. There is no doubt in my mind. We let him go....it was the hardest thing I have ever been involved with to date. It was as painful as anything I have ever experienced. Thank God for Michael and for us being there for each other. Thank God for those 14 years. Thank God for the peace that we were able to give him through such a humane process of letting go. Thank God for our home. Thank God that we still have his sister a little longer with us. The pain is still there, but I would not trade a moment with that beloved creature in our lives and the beauty and power he brought each day to our home.

Nothing like going through a ride of emotions and not catching my breath..cause we let go Val on Tuesday, and we were off to Salisbury for me to be ready for the 7am flight out of Charlotte Friday morning! LOL. On top of all this, I really got off my healthy eating. No, I did not eat fast food. I am still good there. But, I did try and go each chicken pastry, pizza, some sweets. Things that I thought would bring comfort. In the end, none of that worked. You would think that I would know better by now...but old habits as they say. I was so grateful to friends, particularly Adam who told me to lighten up and keep walking through. He and Koral showed up with a plant the day after that was so healing and my friend Cyndi sent flowers, and Ashley was texting...it was all very special.

But, what was amazing was that I had very little time to obsess about the cross country flight to San Fran. Did I mention I am terrified to fly? Oh yeah. I did fly to DC with the Honor Flight and that went well, but it was an hour. Here I am about to go 5 and half hours in a plane..and it was supposed to rain. Well, as things go, my friend Johnnie heard me talking about how nervous I was about the flight and since he was on the same flight out, he arranged that we sit next to each other and upgraded me. It was a blessing I still cannot fully express.

As you can see from the begining of this entry, i started it in San Fran, so you know I made it. I want to tell the whole story of the trip now that I am back in North Carolina, and I will, but I am going to journal about it over the next few days. It was...and continues to be, amazing. I am so very grateful....

1st Day of this Journey!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Monday, June 18, 2012

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Sunday, April 15, 2012