Thursday, April 26, 2012

Day 831: Greater than through love and support

Whenever Adam would get me to do repetitions on a new exercise, when I would get to a point when I just felt like I could not do anymore he would tell me to "push through". By pushing through I was able to move to the next level, to move, in some cases to the next exercise. It was never about "over doing" was about doing what I was cable of even when it felt as though the "weight" (literally) was so stacked against me and I could not meet the challenge.

Knowing that I can "push through" under those circumstances has been a real underpinning for me these last couple of weeks. I simply got off the beam with taking care of me. I have been addressing the enormity of the changes in my life (job being biggest among them), and then as I talked about, in less than three weeks there were some pretty large things that went ary in our house and we lost a major life in our home and while the experience of going to California was amazing, it was nonetheless stressful and very full. At the end of the day I was grabbing for comfort food, sleeping later and missing my regular gym time and while I made it to the gym at other times, it was hit or miss and I just felt out of sync.

I faced myself, seeing this "slippery slope" of behavior and made an active decision to "push through" and show up for at the very least a short run on saturday. We went to the beach and it was the an amazing day..and while menatally I was not in the game to exercise...I saw this as an opportunity..and I took it...Michael lay down to enjoy the sun and I just took off down the sand. It was freeing and while I forgot my tennis shoes and was running barefoot, it was so awesome. I was doing something good for me and I was rewarded with the most amazing wind, the smell of the ocean and as I turned to come back from my run past shell island, a flock of Pelicans crossed the horizon in an amazing display. I got back to Michael and lay down as well and literally fell asleep, so content. It was awesome.

I have shown up and pushed through all week, and while this week has been tough in many ways...and there is still a lot I am adjusting to and trying to grasp and understand about what i am doing and how to do it...I have taken the time to run both monday and tuesday, showed up to training with Adam on wednesday (for a hell of a new routine) and today, when I honestly tried so hard to talk myself out of everything...went to the gym and ran the treadmill AND worked on the yard sale this evening! All this and this week I have been pretty good on my eating as well!

It comes back to the basics....loving myself enough to take care of me and remembering that what feels like comfort in the short run leads to discomfort in the end...but pushing through...showing up for me and for my health and well being..well, in the end, it is such a good feeling now and has the wonderful effect of being good for what will come!

So grateful!

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