Saturday, September 12, 2015

great than through love and support; death anniversaries

Tomorrow it will be one year to the day that Mother Passed. It was 7 in the morning when harold called on the 13th. When we left the night before we thought we would go back to the house and just spend the final days toghter, but new it was the end. I had the privildege, once again for a very very powerful moment with my parent before the end. A moment that changed my life, as oft woudl be the case with mother. Michael was with me and she did the same for him. Mother was a powerful humanist and though she saw the power of our good and moral life through our actions towards one another, I saw my spiritual maker more clearly in her eyes and what she said to me that night than I have ever seen before..and that is saying alot given the depth and bredth of the blessings I have been given and continue to be allowed. I remain humbled and grateful everyday. That was and has been devastating to loose her presence in my life and I have wondered in many ways. Unsteady and unsure. I ate my way to comfort more often than not and while I tried to continue to stay "healhty"..running, do what I has been haphazard...but always, always through this there have been indicators along the way..some would call miracles, call messages that just kept me moving forward..keeping my eyes, heart and mind open and listening...and there it was..there was this deep connection in life with her and I hear and feel her more today and sense her with me. It is a comfort...not the same, but different and somehow ok. I am not nor do I expect to be "over" the loss..but it is better and gets better. Michael felt the loss, Harold is finding his way..what an amazing man and how much I have been grateful for him. How much I have been grateful for Leanne alllowing me to be a part of her life and posts on facebook and the girls and keeping the family and the love connected.

We were planning on sharing time together..and then yesterday, our last uncle passed. Daddy's oldest brother. He has been bed ridden for several years and it was in some ways a real blessing to go, but so close to this it just was a sucker punch to all. I was the most worried about much at once. So, tomorrow, we will be in the Funeral home rather than toghether around a table talking about mom, but we will sort it out becuase it is about love in the end. We are finding ways to honor all of that. After all, after all the life we have had, we get to honor those that gave us so much and have a life..a life that for me is beyond imagining. I am at work and have worked a little today. At my feet is the most amazing dog who accompanied me while my husband of going on 20 years is in his office working on a problem for his work. I am actively engaged in public service..a life that mother revealed to me and showed me the way to and i am enaged in empowering others to be the best they can be and have at their disposal every possible tool to be the most they can be like all those that paved my way to where I am now..I get to be here...doing this and it is a so mother...daddy...marshal...all that have gone on..they made all this possible...God I miss them so much, but I am them and I get to honor them by doing this..I get to leave here and go witness beauty at the Miracle Field for the Kids at Cam bringing art for kids of all abiliites..then tonight I am the MC for an event that brings food for children who go hungry in New Hanover County..nourish NC...This is all because of Mother..becuase of all those who stuck it out with me, beleived in me, and made it possible for us to have the lives we have...

So, this anniversay of mother's passing, the passing of marshal..all of this has pain..all of it still stings..but it is not a time for attention for me or for some moroseness that brings back more of the is a time to be thankful for thier lives..not jsut for what they brought to me, but what they did in this world. The love mother brought to harold, her friends..the change she brought to 10/s of thousands of mothers and infants in NC and across south alablama, the example she set for other women to succeed, the fortitude...for marhals's talents and gifts, his voice and he sharing so much with so many....God, it is so amazing....

The anniversay of death is a reminder of the life that was lead. For that, I am truly grateful.

No comments: