It is hard to believe that it was on this day THREE years ago that this part of my journey began and my relationship and understanding of living greater than through love and support went to a whole other level.
It was on Ephipany, January 6, 2010 that I made a decision to make a change. It was just that easy. I made a decision. And from the moment I made that decision I trusted others to help me. It was not unlike other parts of my spiritual growth in my life...but this time..this time, I made a decision to set aside all the things I presumed to know about change for myself. All the things I presumed to know about what I thought I could and could not do, and I allowed others to tell me. I was humbled, at my bottom...350 lbs, not able to get up a set of stairs, not able to bike more than a couple of blocks, on all sorts of medicines, constantly sick, and ready to die....it was do or die...and ironically, I was living another part of my life where I had been down this road before in other ways, had the tools, but just could not see how it worked and I could make it all happen.
The on Epiphany...it was Kristi and Ashley meeting Adam. It was Heidi giving me a roadmap on nutrition...it was a gym stepping up and helping me with memebership...and then...omg..then..it was one person after another supporting me...ecouraging me....being there for me on my "recovery"...my new life. Whether it was Colin announcing me as I crossed my first 5k, or meeting Debbie and crossing over her journey, or sharing commonanilites and love with Joanne or Neesha or seeing the success of others like Craig or just feeling the health and vitality of Mitzi or running with Mary B, or sharing that special gift of a registration and membership to Wilmington road runners with Andy McV..or the success of Andy or the amazing gift imaging from Donnie..the Heart Association..the lives of Windell and Kayliegh coursing through me when I wanted to faulter....so much....
All of it..all of them (and I just named such a miniscule few)..it has been so powerful...and the journey connected me to ME in a way that I always dreamed of and wanted to be and always wanted to become and found out I could. Here I am an athete..pushing these weights..strong...and running..and in the gym...and heathier than I have ever been. I know I am a food addict. I am close and personal with how I use food now and in this third year, it has been the hardest. I put back on some weight..and i know how and why and the success for me is that I don't have to go back to where I started...ever. There has been a psychic change and while I faulter..as I am not perfect. While I will always live one day at a time with who I am, I can be and am so much more than I ever dreamed I could be...and I love that. I embrace that. I want more of that and am WILLING to make that decision to be that. To show up to the gym. To eat healthily one day at time. To achieve some more goals for myself. I have some more things I want to do...Cooper Bridge run..the Tri Span here in Wilmington....I want to Kayak out to Bald Head...over and around Figure Eight.....I want to Kayak to Masonboro and go camping....I want to do a Warrior Dash. Not so much a tri...but maybe do the Half Marathon...AGAIN! :) I still want to improve some time on my running...and yes, I want to get some of the weight off that I gained to feel comforatble again and I want to go running on the beach with my shirt off..that one is a biggy!
I was going to make this blog post an inventory, but it is kind of...I can see in it what I did well and did not do well in the third year. I still have not been through a fast food drive through. I am so very proud of that. Three years and counting. That is remarkable for me.
Maintenance takes just that...maintenance...and it is nice to have goals to continue to works towards while still taking time to enjoy it along the way. That is the key.
I am working now in a job I love more than i could ever have imagined. I am working with health and wellness....imagine that. It have all come full circle for me. Nothing happens by accident. It is amazing...and I made a decision. The rest....well, the rest was this amazing higher power I choose to call God. I am so grateful. I made a decision and I pray to do so each day. but it is mine to make. wow.
I do have to say this. This year I have learned a lot...I guess that true for every year. But when I say I have love...true love..I mean that. It is NEVER perfect, and I will f up like anyone...but there is so much joy.....thanks be to God and to each of you...to each of you.
It was on Ephipany, January 6, 2010 that I made a decision to make a change. It was just that easy. I made a decision. And from the moment I made that decision I trusted others to help me. It was not unlike other parts of my spiritual growth in my life...but this time..this time, I made a decision to set aside all the things I presumed to know about change for myself. All the things I presumed to know about what I thought I could and could not do, and I allowed others to tell me. I was humbled, at my bottom...350 lbs, not able to get up a set of stairs, not able to bike more than a couple of blocks, on all sorts of medicines, constantly sick, and ready to die....it was do or die...and ironically, I was living another part of my life where I had been down this road before in other ways, had the tools, but just could not see how it worked and I could make it all happen.
The on Epiphany...it was Kristi and Ashley meeting Adam. It was Heidi giving me a roadmap on nutrition...it was a gym stepping up and helping me with memebership...and then...omg..then..it was one person after another supporting me...ecouraging me....being there for me on my "recovery"...my new life. Whether it was Colin announcing me as I crossed my first 5k, or meeting Debbie and crossing over her journey, or sharing commonanilites and love with Joanne or Neesha or seeing the success of others like Craig or just feeling the health and vitality of Mitzi or running with Mary B, or sharing that special gift of a registration and membership to Wilmington road runners with Andy McV..or the success of Andy or the amazing gift imaging from Donnie..the Heart Association..the lives of Windell and Kayliegh coursing through me when I wanted to faulter....so much....
All of it..all of them (and I just named such a miniscule few)..it has been so powerful...and the journey connected me to ME in a way that I always dreamed of and wanted to be and always wanted to become and found out I could. Here I am an athete..pushing these weights..strong...and running..and in the gym...and heathier than I have ever been. I know I am a food addict. I am close and personal with how I use food now and in this third year, it has been the hardest. I put back on some weight..and i know how and why and the success for me is that I don't have to go back to where I started...ever. There has been a psychic change and while I faulter..as I am not perfect. While I will always live one day at a time with who I am, I can be and am so much more than I ever dreamed I could be...and I love that. I embrace that. I want more of that and am WILLING to make that decision to be that. To show up to the gym. To eat healthily one day at time. To achieve some more goals for myself. I have some more things I want to do...Cooper Bridge run..the Tri Span here in Wilmington....I want to Kayak out to Bald Head...over and around Figure Eight.....I want to Kayak to Masonboro and go camping....I want to do a Warrior Dash. Not so much a tri...but maybe do the Half Marathon...AGAIN! :) I still want to improve some time on my running...and yes, I want to get some of the weight off that I gained to feel comforatble again and I want to go running on the beach with my shirt off..that one is a biggy!
I was going to make this blog post an inventory, but it is kind of...I can see in it what I did well and did not do well in the third year. I still have not been through a fast food drive through. I am so very proud of that. Three years and counting. That is remarkable for me.
Maintenance takes just that...maintenance...and it is nice to have goals to continue to works towards while still taking time to enjoy it along the way. That is the key.
I am working now in a job I love more than i could ever have imagined. I am working with health and wellness....imagine that. It have all come full circle for me. Nothing happens by accident. It is amazing...and I made a decision. The rest....well, the rest was this amazing higher power I choose to call God. I am so grateful. I made a decision and I pray to do so each day. but it is mine to make. wow.
I do have to say this. This year I have learned a lot...I guess that true for every year. But when I say I have love...true love..I mean that. It is NEVER perfect, and I will f up like anyone...but there is so much joy.....thanks be to God and to each of you...to each of you.
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