Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Day 986: Greater than through love and support

I have let this get away from me since Daddy's death. But, I have not let my life, health and moving forward get away from me I am happy to say. I just had to redirect my talking in another direction and while "in the hallway" find an outlet that would work for me. You know the "hallway" right? It comes from one of my favorite sayings: "when one door closes, another will open, but it's hell in the hallway!" Well, I have been in the hallway for a while. What is interesting though is that while in there, I was left there for a longer period than usual and I believe now that the reason was to teach me a very cool and wonderful lesson that "hell" is my own creation and my own state. That while in that "hallway" it is my choice how to respond to being in limbo and not sure of a direction. Sounds metaphysical or to ethereal, but its not. What being in indecision was all about was about enjoying what WAS, what was in each moment..not what was coming or what was about to happen or could happen, but about accepting what was and living each moment. And there I was with this awakening in that hallway and realizing, I was in control of that choice...hell or heaven, joy or misery, frustration or acceptance.

By focusing on the blessings of what IS, life was and IS amazing. No matter what was happening (or not happening) I was seeing the clouds, feeling michael's embrace, showing up for my runs, talking to my mom, being with friends, enjoying some of my work, engaging in things that I cared about and remaining so very open to the possibilities without living in them or being so focused on them that I lost my today.

More importantly, by finding some peace and serenity while I was experiencing some indecision and change, well, I did not loose relationships by reacting rather than responding to difficulty, I did not gain to much weight (remember I am a stress eater and food addict and when its rough I run to food..well, I did pretty well during all this), and I did not shut down...just throw up my hands..by the grace of God, I was able to keep moving forward.

I have been so fortunate to have the experience i have had this year. So much learning...and some growth. I am blessed beyond my own full understanding of it all, but I know that it is a gift! That gift is only kept by honoring the blessing and keeping the move forward with those lessons. in tow and celebrating so much of the good!

This week I am completing a job that I only started back last November. Yes, it is a short time in the world of work. But so much have I learned here and I will be forever grateful for it on so many levels for teaching me about myself in so many ways. I am grateful to leave this work on such a positive note, where what WE did hopefully will continue to resonate and reverberate in the community for the museum for years to come...opening it up and the community up for all sorts of possibilities, sustainability and hopefully JOY for what is in this place. nothing could be better. I pray that EVERYONE will continue to celebrate this place and support her as she is worthy..always.

But a calling came, one that has been around me and circling me for almost a decade through my work with Parks and recreation and like most things in my life, it came to me through no coincidence at a time when i least expected it, and while I am excited, I am enlivened by the possibilities. I live everyday with a disability. I have since I was 17. over 20 percent of our county does as well. On Monday, I will be a part of something that ensues access and opportunity for all US and all of those who love us....the Miracle Field. I am going to need each and every person I know and every person that I can reach. This is bigger than any one person. It is something that means the quality of a community, the compassion of a community, the inclusion and understanding of a community and I know we...all of have it.

So, here to peace in the hallway..but going through another door and living another day...one day at a time....
See you on the Miracle Field!

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