I still cannot believe that I am laying in a bed in the Union Square district of San Fransisco..in a hotel...but still. Me. I am not only past the Mississippi for the first time in my life, but i flew here...and since I have been here there have just been amazing things happening.
But the road to here has been wild these last few weeks. Our home went through a series of bumps in the road. First the refrigerator just died, then the air conditioner. Both were with us when we built the place and it has already been almost 12 years. So, having them go out was not so awful, we got good life out of both, but going out at the same time was pretty wild. I love that, like everything, things just worked out. We got an amazing deal on a new frig and got a new unit for the ac put in and were able to do it quickly and without a lot of pain because of some help in the financing for it. Both of these things came as we had made some changes in other areas and have been taking care of ourselves and while we are most certainly not flush...it was the GIFT of being able to do the replacements at all the superseded any bitching about them going out. I was and we are just grateful. One time years ago a woman snapped at me during a discussion about gratitude and said "sometimes Bo, when you step in a pile of sh**t, that is all it is, just stepping in it."
I heard what she was saying, but it stuck in my craw, because what i was learning at the time and what I KNOW now is that while yes, when things are going badly, it most certainly is necessary to acknowledge, feel and experience that or what is happening. But no, there is no need to dwell. There is a choice. There is perspective and sense of living that we can apply to everything in which we do not take away what we have to feel. I choose to see the positive, we can feel the perspective, and we can place things in their proper place and size. I know that there was a time in my life when the a/c, the frig and all of that would have thrown me for a loop. But, I was grateful to even have a home to start with, to be able to replace any of it. None of that negates frustration. It just brings to bear what blessings I really do have.
This was harder for me, though as we faced the loss of one of our beloved cats. Valpone has been with us since we adopted he and his sister as babies. We went to the orange county animal protection place when we were still in Chapel Hill. We wanted to adopt two cats as we were told that they did better as pairs and it was more healthy for them. We say this amazing Persian pair and we were instantly drawn to them and want ed to adopt them. Someone had already adopted one, but not the other. So we went on to look for others. We walked into this back room and from a cage on the floor something reached out and took a swipe at my leg. I looked down and there was this wiry black cat looking back at me and in the corner, balled up, was this little black and white kitten. We were smitten with the pair and adopted them. The folks there told us there was a chance the little black and white might be sick, but they were not sure. Well, she was sick alright. In fact, after we took them to the vet, we learned that had the little black cat not gotten my attention and we got his sister to the vet, she would have died. Michael hand fed her every night. We named her Circe. She was enchanting. He circled the bed and guarded her and us. We called him Valpone. From that day and for the last 14 years, he has been our guardian. Until a few weeks ago when Val started to loose weight. Finally, on last Saturday, we had to take him to the hospital. It was severe anemia and cancer. There was nothing that they could do. Michael and I brought him home for one more night and cried and held him...and he told us he was ok to go. There is no doubt in my mind. We let him go....it was the hardest thing I have ever been involved with to date. It was as painful as anything I have ever experienced. Thank God for Michael and for us being there for each other. Thank God for those 14 years. Thank God for the peace that we were able to give him through such a humane process of letting go. Thank God for our home. Thank God that we still have his sister a little longer with us. The pain is still there, but I would not trade a moment with that beloved creature in our lives and the beauty and power he brought each day to our home.
Nothing like going through a ride of emotions and not catching my breath..cause we let go Val on Tuesday, and we were off to Salisbury for me to be ready for the 7am flight out of Charlotte Friday morning! LOL. On top of all this, I really got off my healthy eating. No, I did not eat fast food. I am still good there. But, I did try and go each chicken pastry, pizza, some sweets. Things that I thought would bring comfort. In the end, none of that worked. You would think that I would know better by now...but old habits as they say. I was so grateful to friends, particularly Adam who told me to lighten up and keep walking through. He and Koral showed up with a plant the day after that was so healing and my friend Cyndi sent flowers, and Ashley was texting...it was all very special.
But, what was amazing was that I had very little time to obsess about the cross country flight to San Fran. Did I mention I am terrified to fly? Oh yeah. I did fly to DC with the Honor Flight and that went well, but it was an hour. Here I am about to go 5 and half hours in a plane..and it was supposed to rain. Well, as things go, my friend Johnnie heard me talking about how nervous I was about the flight and since he was on the same flight out, he arranged that we sit next to each other and upgraded me. It was a blessing I still cannot fully express.
As you can see from the begining of this entry, i started it in San Fran, so you know I made it. I want to tell the whole story of the trip now that I am back in North Carolina, and I will, but I am going to journal about it over the next few days. It was...and continues to be, amazing. I am so very grateful....
