Day 573: Greater than through love and support

This has been an amazing weekend...I guess yesterday was one of the bigger moments though:
I ran from our house in College Acres to Wrightsville beach. Yep! It was amazing. I got out for a run and wanted to do the Eastwood Road trail and I thought about it and realzed from our house to Rogersville road was a little over 2 miles. If I did that distance again, i would be close to the beach and since I have been running a four mile trail from time to time around UNCW, why not.
It felt great! I honestly did not really feel it until I hit the draw bridge. Even then I only felt it in my toes. My legs were in great shape. The cool part was that as I was running, Adam and Koral passed by...it was nice to see them and share that moment.
I crossed over the bridge..and it was STUNNING. The boats going out, the beauty of the intracoastal...along the way, it was like this...intermittent trees and landscapes and I was running! running through all of it!
I got close to the beach and did the following video:


Here is the link:
http://youtu.be/Xvpk5y2Do9w




But as soon as I hit the sand, I called michael. For me it was a moment that I never dreamed of..like last year when I biked to the beach for the first time. Imagine, last summer, biking to the beach was a milestone...and now I do 20 miles plus on my rides. This year, I ran it.

The moment was made even more special becuase as I am sharing with Michael the victory of the moment, I asked him to come and pick me up, but to bring my canteen when he came becuase I had not brought water or a wallet and really needed to hydrate.

A woman and her children nearby must have heard me talking to Michael and the next thing I knew she was handing me a bottle of water. It was the coolest thing in the world. So very special and the water tasted better than any i have had in a long time. It was water given so freely from a stranger who was, in some way, celebrating with me...connecting with my victory. It was just precious and something I treasure more than I can say.

I walked to the water and soaked my feet in the surf. It felt so good that I had brought myself her...but on the support, love and good energy of so many...
.
I did call Michael to get me because I have learned that while i can push myself more even after the point of achieving something new...it is best to take it a step at a time. No need to go from 4 miles to 11 in one day. I had already taken my 4 mile run to 5.8 to get to the beach and so not to step on that victory by hurting myself, I made sure to take care by riding back. The return trip will come. That is something to look forward to. It was 5.8 miles in 1 hour and 15 minutes. But moreover, it was so much more!

Today, well, i have a little bug in me that is not so fun. But I am physically well..and mentally..mentally and physically I am just amazing by the weekend as a whole.

I do got to be the guest speaker at Adam's Heart Healthy Fit Camp. It was so special.

 As I have said, I will go anywhere, anytime to share my story. But for this, this was a direct outcome of all of this goodness. I got to talk to the members of the Adam Freeman Healthy Heart Fit Camp! Adam has donated his expertise to anyone that wants to come, as long as they donate to the Heart Walk, for eight weeks, to learn how to get healthy! 

 Adam has enlisted the help of three other trainers to help out as well who have donated their time with him to do this. As with my own learning, stretching is a key to growth and to not getting hurt. Chantay, who teaches as Crest leads the warm up and is such a spirit of joy and positiveness!

 a couple laps around to start to warm up. This group has folks from low thirties to as much as in their 60's and for many they have never run..ever. Look at them now! (including my own wonderful Michael!)

 Adm shows and demonstrates each exercise for the group and shows how to make it happen safely and also gives the alternatives so that everyone has the opportunity to participate. So if you cannot do a full push up, he shows what you can do to start with.

 and this camp, there were 10 stations set up. Each person did the exercise for 40 seconds with a 20 second rest and then move on to the next exercise. All parts of the body were being exercised and there were ways for each person to be successful with Adam and the assistant trainers on hand to work with the group.

 When you got past the 10th station, you hopped on the bike. There were two teams and the team with the highest mileage on the bike won..but we were all winners! YOu should have heard this group supporting each other, yelling for the best results for each person. It was SOOOO awesome! and they were there to learn and to grow..but they were helping EACH OTHER! they were greater than through love and support of each other! It was stunning to witness and to be a part of!

Crest Fitness stepped up to allow the camp to be at their fitness center and for each of the participants to use their facilities for free and there are guest speakers and experts helping EACH week with those attending FOR FREE! just helping folks get involved and get healthy!
This week's guest health person was Jessica Cooper who demonstrated Thai Yoga exercises and how to be more flexible and manage growth and strength and all of it. She is and was amazing! She is a private massage therapist and does these classes for all kinds! You can sense from her a positive spirit and someone who is connected and truly giving. Again, she did this for the class at no charge! http://happyfamilieshappybabies.com
 Talk about amazing! NO ONE in this community gives and does like this! It is stunning!


Talk about amazing! NO ONE in this community gives and does like this! It is stunning!
There is not a program of giving that can even touch this one. You may say I am prejudiced because Adam has done so much for me and he and I are friends. But NO ONE in Wilmington has given like this to help more folks get healthy...and Adam, with Nick and Wanda at Crest, these co-trainers, and all these guests...they GET IT. Yep, they make their living at this. But they truly believe that healthy hearts and healthy living is important..and they want to see folks successful.

That is what I saw on Saturday morning..and those are the types..in giving...people that I revere the most. You don't need a ton of money to give. You don't need even a ton of time. Just giving your own talents. Giving what you know. Being available for something good. That is Philanthropy. That is LOVE, FAITH, and CHARITY. It is what I live to celebrate and what I love more than I can say because at the end of the day, when we are dust. what I have left in this world have nothing to do with the physical things I collected..eventually all that will turn to dust...it is what I did with others, for others, and yes, how I treated myself that counts and counted. I know that now and that awareness grows each and everyday.

I guess, I am going on and on about it right now becuase there is so much that can absorb me, around me that is negative, locally and throughout the world. Staying connected to this goodness..taking care of myself so that I can be more connected with things and issues that are important to me and that are part of things that I value..well, that is grace. Absolute and beloved grace.

Thanks be for grace!

Adam Freeman Personal Training  | Cape Fear Heart Walk! GIVE TODAY! | Crest Fitness | Custom Fit Meals| Heidi Kaufman Nutritional Services-Dietitian | Bike Cycles Bike Shop at Mayfaire| Boseman's Sporting Goods | New Balance Shoes | Tidal Creek- Healthy Foods! | Pita Delite- Wilmington | Hibachi Bistro on College Road | The Star News | WECT | Wilmington Biz and Wilma | Encore Magazine | New Hanover County Public Health Department | Zoe's Kitchen | Try Sports| VitaCost online NC Company for sports Nutrition | City of Wilmington Parks and Recreation| New Hanover County Parks| Airlie Gardens | The Shell Cross City Trail | Wrightsville Family Practice | Sandra Miles Dentistry | Church of the Servant Episcopal |o2 Fitness| Active.Com| Without Limits Coaching | Go Time| Cape Fear River Watch| New Hanover County Arboretum| Coastal Land Trust| Masonboro.org| Hook, Line and Paddle| Wilmington Road Runners | Cape Fear Cyclists| Jessica Cooper Therapeutic Services

Day 570: Greater than through love and support

I love surprises...most of the time! then there are those surprises that come with ropes dangling from the ceiling and maniacal grins from skinny, muscular faces looking at me as if I am the condemned in some kind of bastille day re-enactment and this is the last round of torture for the gaurds before the big release.

Oh yes...it was "new" learning day at training this morning and as Adam so proudly displayed on his status..I had my a** kicked! But not by the usual transformer-looking machines or dumbells being hurled through the air..no..this time it was just a bunch ropes with handles that looked like the last 1970's Larry Flynt fun room. But, fun, not so much! :) This my friends...is TRX..

I have not clue what it stands for..I frankly am too tired even to come up with a name for it..but I know, in all seriousness that it stands for the next level in my fitness training.

And aside from my hyperbole and over the top descriptions, I am excited about it. For two reasons: 1.) had, a year and a half ago, I been placed "on the ropes", so to speak, of these things..I would have FAILED..walked away and never come back. But this morning..I walked into that room with a confidence I have never had before and I was ready to try something new. Frankly..I was ready to try anything..because a.) I trust Adam enough to know he would never let me get hurt and b). I am healthier and more capable and can do more and am up to the challenge. That is an awesome feeling.  2.) and the second reason that I was excited was that I WANT  a new challenge.

I am by no means bored by my work outs..but i WANT to see what I can do..to explore and learn and go places I have not been before and use different things to get the results that make me feel healthier and stronger. It is not about being scared anymore..or being intimidated..hell. BRING IT ON! :)

Now, we just started with this this morning on some very basic stuff, so I really cannot go into detail yet. But i will share more when i learn more. More than anything I am psyched about not being afraid to do something different. To get out of my comfort zone..to grow.

Funny, that seems to be a theme lately..growth.

At work (not in my department, but around me), so much is changing. It just hit me that I am being presented, metaphorically, with ropes that appear like those torture mechanisms latley. They aren't really different than what I have always had, they are just presented by different people in different ways..and sometimes they "hurt" a little. I have to adapt to them in order to grow. I have to figure out a way to exercise with them and excel in order to get the best results. Being resistant, seeing the mechanisms for "training" as a threat only breeds hostility. Seeing them as an opportunity to be better...well, that is the way to challenge and maybe do better and get more for the things I value most.

God, I love this blogging mess..It helps me to think and get out what is sometimes so muddied in my head...

that said..I am looking forward to a long weekend...and thanks be!

Day 568: Greater than through love and support

There is no doubt that one day at a time over the last 22 years i have developed a deeper sense of being able to balance out the positive with the negative when assessing my own self. It has has taken a lot of lessons, a lot of help from a lot of folks and a lot of guidance. But through this process with health and weight loss, there has been a whole new level of learning how "assess" myself...particularly the phsyical as I have had to learn to judge my outsides with my insides and let the two be in harmony.

Early on, I had a mentor/ friend who literally took a marker and on the wall of my little apartment in Millerton, NY (a story in and of itself)...drew a large circle on the wall. I will never forget that circle. It was my "cycle" circle. 

At the top was the critical issue...then as I went along the permiter he wrote "conflict"...a little further along he wrote "struggle"...then he wrote "crash and burn" an then towards the top..."recovery"...then "repeat".

He pointed at the circle and he said, "bo, this is your cycle of xyz. This is how you go through situations....and one of the ways you will grow is to break these cycles. But first, you have to see them. You have to want to break them, and then you have to find constructive ways to truly make changes. That will be growth for you...and it will happen. I know it will, but you have to want it."

Well, twenty two years later, I have seen that wheel many times. I will come to an issue in my life that repeats (critical issue). At some point it just becomes to much and I find myself in some sort of conflict: with myself or others, I begin to struggle and under the weight of it I hit a wall, get sick, crash, burn, whatever.....and many times, because I am able to get relief (or get away with it at the time), I don't take corrective action, but just "get away with it..and i find myself at the top of the circle/cycle again, ready to begin all over again.

But sometimes..and happily more often than not, I get to that place  in the struggle and sometimes even before it and I see there has to be change. There has to be a different way to react. A different way to be...and there is real and sustained change. I reach in, I reach out..I seek answers, and I have learned to extend effort! :), pray, have faith..and there is and has been Growth.

What a gift that that person gave me all those years ago (and frankly, this is the way i remember it..so if it is not completely accurate, this is what I remember and how it has worked for me! :) ). The gift has been being able to see paterns and cycles that keep me from moving forward and seeing ways in which I can make real and sustained change. the bigger pleasure is to look and see one day that i am not repeating an old behavior or getting caught up in an old cycle..feeling that freedom.

I say all this because i was at the top of a cycle the other night and I did not have to complete the cycle. I was asked by a dear friend to audition for something that, if it comes through, will be very beneficial. But in making the audition, I had to look at myself in a very close up and very detailed way. As you can imagine with the weight loss that i have had there are things that not perfect about my body and I found myself completely absorbed in the flaws in my body. to the point where I was grabbing food to ease my anxiety. No, not candy or anything deadly..just snacks..The point is I was stuffing myself in that same way that I have so often when discouraged and upset with myself. The ironic action of doing something harmful to myself because I saw myself as less than, not greater than. In the way this would have played out, this would have led to me getting completely off my diet, maybe skipping exercising, and moving me into a direction if not a crisis of inaction to a point where i really did make a reversal. But what happened? I saw, almost immediately what was happening. I talked about it with Michael. I got up the next morning and went for a run at lunch, I ate sensibility and i focused on the healthy outcomes of those imperfections I was seeing and I have been talking about it and them ever sense. I have literally defied that cycle to try and repeat itself...and it feels amazing.

Maybe it sounds like a lot of work, but it really is not. It is the simplist thing in the world: I want to grow. I want to pay attention to my behavior. I want to do what it right for myself. It is interesting that one of the best friends I have ever had was telling me on the phone how loving oneself enough to take care of oneself is primary to being able to love others. As this person was experiencing this, I was hearing it as well. No coincidences.

Alright..enough babbling...just thanks be!

Adam Freeman Personal Training  | Cape Fear Heart Walk! GIVE TODAY! | Crest Fitness | Custom Fit Meals| Heidi Kaufman Nutritional Services-Dietitian | Bike Cycles Bike Shop at Mayfaire| Boseman's Sporting Goods | New Balance Shoes | Tidal Creek- Healthy Foods! | Pita Delite- Wilmington | Hibachi Bistro on College Road | The Star News | WECT | Wilmington Biz and Wilma | Encore Magazine | New Hanover County Public Health Department | Zoe's Kitchen | Try Sports| VitaCost online NC Company for sports Nutrition | City of Wilmington Parks and Recreation| New Hanover County Parks| Airlie Gardens | The Shell Cross City Trail | Wrightsville Family Practice | Sandra Miles Dentistry | Church of the Servant Episcopal |o2 Fitness| Active.Com| Without Limits Coaching | Go Time| Cape Fear River Watch| New Hanover County Arboretum| Coastal Land Trust| Masonboro.org| Hook, Line and Paddle| Wilmington Road Runners | Cape Fear Cyclists

Day 565: Greater than through love and support

I really do get why preachers get fat. Lord, the food at weddings! I was honored to officiate at another wedding this evening (sat) and true to form, the food was amazing. This wedding was a little different than the last though in that at 5:30 this morning we had hurricane force winds in the area and the wedding that was planned for this weekend, complete with decent down a staircase at the family home under oak trees by masonboro sound was just not gonna happen with a hurricane 70 miles off shore.

What i loved about the couple and about the occasion was that they looked at the situation, they reassessed what they could and they could not do and they adapted to what WAS in front of them and they had, truly, one of the most special weddings you could have ever asked for. They had acceptance. As a result, so much joy, so much goodness came out of this evening...and so many were able to join in and celebrate...that is BEAUTY...that is what it is all about. 

Once again, it was an honor..humbling..to be able to stand with a couple as they make their commitment to one another...but on this occassion, as we were still dealing with the effects of a hurricane, it was just nice to stop and celebrate love. Honestly, I think that when you get down to it that is what weddings really are, if they are not a self indulgent social/business endeavor. They are just a way to stop all that is going on and for a few hours focus on the connections that we can make with each other, eat things we traditionally run from becuase of trying to stay healthy (we feast!), and shut out all of those things that day to day invade our world in negative ways...and we just focus on essentially what is important....the love we share with each other.

In that room tonight I saw friends that I have not seen in a while. I actually had a chance to talk to someone that who I have felt disconnected from and with and work through that a little, share some time with people I admire, hug, laugh, and beam at Leigh and Randall, the couple getting married, and watch them enjoy their day.  While there were little things that happened in the evening that tried to creep in other aspects of what we deal with in people and situations who were not focused on celebrating, those things never took over, and we had an evening to just feel love. That was the celebration. that was the time.

Imagine taking time to have a "wedding" at least once a week. Time, at least once a week to have a "feast", however that is defined for us.  Connect or at least acknowledge the ones we love, focus our attention on love and relationships in deep and meaningful ways. Have a day to dance, even if we are on our own, and to listen to beautiful music, have a flower or two to brighten up the place..just one day a week to really focus...celebrate what is truly the only lasting and the only truly important thing we have in our lives and our spirits...love.

I have a feeling that if we did this...If all if us did this, it would change us and the world around us significantly. I have no doubt about it.

Now, I am off to run....my "feast" this weekend needs a little balance! LOL! but it was worth every bit!

Thanks be!

Adam Freeman Personal Training  | Cape Fear Heart Walk! GIVE TODAY! | Crest Fitness | Custom Fit Meals| Heidi Kaufman Nutritional Services-Dietitian | Bike Cycles Bike Shop at Mayfaire| Boseman's Sporting Goods | New Balance Shoes | Tidal Creek- Healthy Foods! | Pita Delite- Wilmington | Hibachi Bistro on College Road | The Star News | WECT | Wilmington Biz and Wilma | Encore Magazine | New Hanover County Public Health Department | Zoe's Kitchen | Try Sports| VitaCost online NC Company for sports Nutrition | City of Wilmington Parks and Recreation| New Hanover County Parks| Airlie Gardens | The Shell Cross City Trail | Wrightsville Family Practice | Sandra Miles Dentistry | Church of the Servant Episcopal |o2 Fitness| Active.Com| Without Limits Coaching | Go Time| Cape Fear River Watch| New Hanover County Arboretum| Coastal Land Trust| Masonboro.org| Hook, Line and Paddle| Wilmington Road Runners | Cape Fear Cyclists

Day 562: Greater than through love and support

Started off the morning right. Today and Monday I did my routine on my own. I say "on my own", but let me qualify that by saying that what I was doing was prescribed by Adam and because of him showing me what to do, how to do, and how to be safe at it...I could be successful.

But that said..what was really amazing....and I know it really should not be amazing..but what was really awesome..was that throughout the routine, I never once cheated..I never once did less reps than were prescribed..and I heard something in my head that was just so incredible:

I was finishing lunges..which are HARD (make no lightness on these..and they take lots of effort and I dread them) buthen I finished the third round, and I had kept the pace so that I was steady, I moved my leg out far enough to get a good stretch, and I kept my hands to my side with the 20 lbs weights to stay steady, I heard me say to myself "good job". I was encouraging ME. None of that "you can't" in my head. None of that "wish it was over"

I heard and I felt in me a sincere appreciation to and for myself for a job well done. Folks, that is a BIG change. Make no mistake, I love myself as a child of God. I have learned over the years to think more positviely and to be better to myself..but this, this was sincerely a moment of change. It is almost hard to describe...because it was like what i have said about other things...where I have been in a group of people who said "we will love you until you can learn to love yourself" and I did.

Well, in this realm..Adam has given me so much and it has been his voice that i look to to say "good job" "well done"...and his friendship is a gift I am so grateful for. But today, it was me saying that to me! From inside my soul. What a powerful thing!

Make no mistake, I need my support system, but I am growing and today was a growth for me. It was a sense of self I have not really felt. Perhaps making a big deal out of finishing a workout on my own and encouraging myself seems like being over the top..but for me, it is another blessing. And I am not about to go without acknowledging my blessings. They are, all of them are precious...

thanks be!

Day 559: Greater than through love and support

It is Sunday and folks are gonna be here in just a few for a neighborhood BBQ. I went for run before and just got in. I am sitting here at Papa's desk and I looked up in the mirror and there was this man staring back at me....and there was the coolest feeling I have not had in years: I liked, physically, what I saw. No..this is not Narcissus! LOL! it was just a nice feeling to SEE me and to not be repulsed...or spend the time looking at me trying to hold my head just right so that I could deny the folds, the expanse...the damage that I was doing to myself. This came at a moment when I was looking at something on my laptop and in the back ground was "May the circle be unbroken" by Johnny cash, and It hit me how bountiful my life is with love, friendships, so much goodness. Certainly this life is forged in fire often, and cooled by a soft touch that polishes its current state..but, while we still struggle with things, I can still reach out and see really good things...and that is what I was feeling this morning. A comfort..a good feeling. I wanted to share that because these feelings..so deep, are precious..moreso than anything we posess.


Today, at the BBQ, folks are going to see the new "Gallery" display. I wrote a while ago that when I/we started getting healtier we redid out house. The room that I cherish the most not is the "big" room. It is space where we can, quarterly or with the seasons, change the art and things that are special to us so that we really can appreciate them, and we are never cluttered. The space is great to have folks over and to have a space of peace. My mother did an art piece that I treasure for my birthday, so this "show" in the Gallery space is about "faith, spirituality, and family"...that is so in sync with the fall as what is the harvest of our toil, our foot work, our daily living is the love, the connection to those we are closest to and something greater than ourselves. So, out went all the crystal..all those "bought objects, and in are pieces that are about the earth, the spirit, our family....it is very cool!


Happy Sunday everybody! and Happy New Week!

Adam Freeman Personal Training  | Cape Fear Heart Walk! GIVE TODAY! | Crest Fitness | Custom Fit Meals| Heidi Kaufman Nutritional Services-Dietitian | Bike Cycles Bike Shop at Mayfaire| Boseman's Sporting Goods | New Balance Shoes | Tidal Creek- Healthy Foods! | Pita Delite- Wilmington | Hibachi Bistro on College Road | The Star News | WECT | Wilmington Biz and Wilma | Encore Magazine | New Hanover County Public Health Department | Zoe's Kitchen | Try Sports| VitaCost online NC Company for sports Nutrition | City of Wilmington Parks and Recreation| New Hanover County Parks| Airlie Gardens | The Shell Cross City Trail | Wrightsville Family Practice | Sandra Miles Dentistry | Church of the Servant Episcopal |o2 Fitness| Active.Com| Without Limits Coaching | Go Time| Cape Fear River Watch| New Hanover County Arboretum| Coastal Land Trust| Masonboro.org| Hook, Line and Paddle| Wilmington Road Runners | Cape Fear Cyclists

Day 556: Greater than through love and support

So I vlogged on Satruday as I was leaving one event and heading out for another. I am sorry..vlogging just sounds inappropriate. But, here is the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJDXdDR_paA

I was pretty overwhelmed as I left the MLK Center. It was so very special. Sandra McClammy is one of those amazing souls that just makes good things happen. I have known her as long as I have been in Wilmington. In fact she won the UNCW Employee Excellence Award adn the Governor's Award when she worked at UNCW and then set out to 97.3 with Brandon Hickman (Big B) and they have done nothing but good ever since. So for 6 years they have been doing this Teen Summit..and for six years they have made a difference in the lives of these children! To be there was to witness just simple, good old fashioned goodness. Very cool.

But it hit me who was not there. Who was not in a lot of places where this kind of thing takes place on a saturday morning. Oh, I know..we all are busy..many have their own children to deal with and so much, so many things....but then again...we all have so much and so many things. It took exactly one hour on saturday morning to "show up" in that room. It took 1/2 that to just sit down and talk to the kids. I learned a great deal in that 1/2 hour..and maybe they got something from me. But it was one hour. ok..an hour and half. But, it was a short time. Imagine giving an hour a week to somebody..to an activity that feeds each other's sucess. Something that makes a differnece. An hour that might otherwise be spent watchign tv or just doing nothing. An hour. I know that I keep focusing on that...but it is real. I keep hearing that folks don't have time for this, that and the other...but we do. we do have time...adn the difference..the impact...it is...it simply is.

Ok..sorry..off the soapbox. It was special! I left there adn went to teh Fit Campt that Adam is giving for the Heart Walk...15 people have signed up adn more on the way..but 15 people! that is amazing! and crest stepped up to let these folks use their facitilies while this is going on...just one blessing after another...one amazing chance to make a difference after another..good things!

I ran so well after all that..a storm was coming and the breeze was amazing on me...4.1 miles around and it was lovely! What a perfect day!

thanks be!

Adam Freeman Personal Training | Cape Fear Heart Walk! GIVE TODAY! | Crest Fitness | Custom Fit Meals| Heidi Kaufman Nutritional Services-Dietitian | Bike Cycles Bike Shop at Mayfaire| Boseman's Sporting Goods | New Balance Shoes | Tidal Creek- Healthy Foods! | Pita Delite- Wilmington | Hibachi Bistro on College Road | The Star News | WECT | Wilmington Biz and Wilma | Encore Magazine | New Hanover County Public Health Department | Zoe's Kitchen | Try Sports| VitaCost online NC Company for sports Nutrition | City of Wilmington Parks and Recreation| New Hanover County Parks| Airlie Gardens | The Shell Cross City Trail | Wrightsville Family Practice | Sandra Miles Dentistry | Church of the Servant Episcopal |o2 Fitness| Active.Com| Without Limits Coaching | Go Time| Cape Fear River Watch| New Hanover County Arboretum| Coastal Land Trust| Masonboro.org| Hook, Line and Paddle| Wilmington Road Runners | Cape Fear Cyclists

Day 451: Greater than through love and support

I am going to do an entire post about my birthday, but I needed to write about something that really came up in me as I was running today.

It really hit me today what it means to be a friend. What is required to be my friend. A lot of my thinking came from the blessings that transpired from my birthday weekend and how many people mean so much to me. It makes it even more glaring when I see dishonesty, appearances, and fear that rattle and plaque so many relationships around me. But moreover, the disfunction that is part and parcel of relationships built and lasting that have no real communication. Don't start thinking about people you know I know and start thinking about drama...this is just something that was really bubbling today..how very real friends are ..and what friendship means.

For me...it is about willingness and acceptance. I could give a rats ass if you have two cents to your name. I could also care less who your "people are". I also do not worry a great deal about what you look like. Mostly, I don't care that you mess up or make mistakes..big or small. None of that has anything to do with why I befriend or am friends with folks.

I do care immensely that people that are in my life care about others (but are no caretakers), understand the importance of family (but don't define family for others in ways that limit love), see beauty in each other and in the world around them and when things are the darkest actively seek beauty as a counterbalance, strive for the positive in real and sustainable way, and when they make mistakes, and they will and do..they seek ways to address them...and hold themselves responsible. That last one is the hardest for me and for each of us..but it is one that is neccessary. Essential. 

I love people..I adore them actually..but to be close to someone..to trust and be trusted..I have to know that we are going to be responsible with each other..emotionally and otherwise..that means taking care of the phycical, the mental, and the spirutal...and that takes all of us..helping each other. 

I am constantly amazed at the people in my life who see the weaknesses and the mistakes of others as an opportunity to feel better about themselves. Exploiting pain or hardship as a means to bolster their own sense of self or as a means to "get back:" or take advantage. Not just people who like fat jokes..but people who like to tell stories about adultry..or violence..someone else's defects or faubles. Don't get me wrong, this tongue of mine should fall out fo my mouth from doing the same..and I hate it in me as much as I hate it in otehrs..but I see it and I know that I cannot live that. I know that that is NOT what I want or can want for myself or in others. 

I repel from the idea that my worth is lessened becuase I associate with someone who is imperfect. As a spiritual person..hell, as a someone who professes Christ, it is just the opposite! To associate with those who are imperfect is to associate with OURSELVES..and to heal each OTHER. The trick is to not try and do it for the other person..but to be a loving support. To be my friend..you have to take help and show that you are willing to go to ANY LENGTH to get better..to be better. You show that..you have me for life. Do the opposite..well, I am out of here. And you damn well better expect the same of me.

But, to take joy in someone's lack of success, someone's pain, someone's harship or imperfection...the older I get..the more repellent, the more repgunant that becomes. Mostly because I am old enough now to see my own imperfections..my own flaws..I have made enough mistakes..I know I am not perfect..so who the hell am I to judge. My job is to love. My Job is to do what I can to do right by others. And those who I am closest to..well....my job is to acknoweldge, cherish, and keep on earning that gift each and everyday!

Bottom line..to be my friend..you have to show compassion and love. Fine..get angry when you see arrogance, avorace, selfishness...but have a heart to remember that there are those who can and do change and learn and grow...and they do so because we love them enough to see that in themselves...many people did for me...and I became a friend to myself and am here as a result.

Amen? Amen....: )

Day 548: Greater than through love and support

I have a very vivid memory of sitting in Mrs. Kuerner's class room in Davidson High School in 1980 and calculating in my mind the year that it would be when I turned 30. Memories were easier to remember from that classroom because it was one of three in the whole building that actually had air condition. This was mobile alabama (the third ring of hell and hotter) and if you think for a minute that schools are in trouble now..you should have seen a school that was built for air condition that had none and we were not supplied with toilet paper because of budget cuts. The vast majority of minorities at our school were bussed in, almost an hour, from an area called pritchett, and if you were not in honors classes, well, let's just say, life was not so pleasant! But I digress. 

Here I was, in the air conditon, my kelly green polplin pants with the embroidered whale belt and penny loafers with the appropriately dirty penny in them...complete with starched white polo and monogramed LL bean back pack..I was in the company of my peers..or at least trying to keep up with them...and we ruled the world by our ability to live about it.  Life was about the outside..what we could get..what we could have..what we had...who we were.."who are your people"...and defense..defense against reality. It was the time of Reagan after all. Glitz, glamour and LOTS of credit flowing out into the country...the age of the "most toys" wins was apon us.

It seemed an eternity, 30, and that  seemed to be an age when life would begin to wane and I would be heading towards retirement. A lot has happened since then. Alot.

Ok..so I still have some of the same clothes (hey, the are classic and comfortable! LOL!)....but the values that went with them..they melted with Reaganomics. I am afraid that the falsehoods of "appearances" and "things"..never "trickled" down. I had to find out, through a series of episodes in life what really mattered. That is a whole other, evolving story..and I would rather live that than write about it.

But, here I am, this weekend..WAAAAY past 30...and there is no waning.

I will be 45 this Sunday and just last weekend, for the first time in my life, I broke a 10 minute mile in a race. This week, inbetween training at 6am, I have run four miles on the alternate days and it felt amazing! I have been exploring the waters that we are so fortunate to have on a kayak. Been tearing up the trails I was so blessed to be a part of. Active in areas and ways that I could never have dreamed. My outsides, my physical self...that is a blessing! But, this three fold self..the mind, the body, the spirit...it is finally coming togther more than I have ever felt. And there is a certain sense of self that I just never dreamed of. I am not afraid like I was. No, I am no fearless. But I am more secure...and self aware. I have a deep and abiding faith..a spirtuality that I feel. It is a lifeline. However, having that sense of self, requires me. It requires my particiaption and my ability to remain open to learning and listening (two things I do fairly welll..with some proding! LOL!). There is a comfort in that. I am going to do what I can do and if others don't like it..well, that is ok. I may still not like to displease or disappoint..but I know that I have to be true to myself. It, life everything requires daily work. Someone once said years ago "wear the world like a loose garment". That is my aim.  As I am growing, there is SOOOOO much that pulls at me..at us. It is hard to stay focused, positive...it requires vigilance.

Who would have guessed that at 45 I would even have had the capacity. My birthday is not my celebration as much as it is one that I mark as a milestone to this journey..Anyone reading this knows that the "journey" for me is defined by the people, my higher power, and the things that come in teaching and learning along the way. I say it over and over that when Donnie gave me the gift of "branding" my journey "greater than through love and support"...he could have done no better. From this self centered, materialistic, kid of the 80s to where I am now....I have nothing but PEOPLE, through whom patience, tolerance, love, compassion, guidance, energy, intelligence, spirituality, and much more has come to me and given me this life. It is, I believe, true for all us..I am not by any stretch of the imagination unique, but I am, grateful!

Now...for my birthday..(you knew there would be an ask!...we have met, right?? Please make a donation to the heart walk! Cape Fear Heart Walk! GIVE TODAY!

 

Adam Freeman Personal Training  | Cape Fear Heart Walk! GIVE TODAY! | Crest Fitness | Custom Fit Meals| Heidi Kaufman Nutritional Services-Dietitian | Bike Cycles Bike Shop at Mayfaire| Boseman's Sporting Goods | New Balance Shoes | Tidal Creek- Healthy Foods! | Pita Delite- Wilmington | Hibachi Bistro on College Road | The Star News | WECT | Wilmington Biz and Wilma | Encore Magazine | New Hanover County Public Health Department | Zoe's Kitchen | Try Sports| VitaCost online NC Company for sports Nutrition | City of Wilmington Parks and Recreation| New Hanover County Parks| Airlie Gardens | The Shell Cross City Trail | Wrightsville Family Practice | Sandra Miles Dentistry | Church of the Servant Episcopal |o2 Fitness| Active.Com| Without Limits Coaching | Go Time| Cape Fear River Watch| New Hanover County Arboretum| Coastal Land Trust| Masonboro.org| Hook, Line and Paddle| Wilmington Road Runners | Cape Fear Cyclists

Day 544: Greater than through love and support

I am sitting at Papa Austin's desk (my great grandaddy), and the thunder outside is, well, it is kind of wonderful. I moved this desk back in the house because, well, it is one of the most special pieces from a very special place, from a special person...and I just wanted to keep it.

Last year when we made the big changes in the house (the outer surroundings changing as I changed...etc)...I/we decided to sell some of our family things and some of the pieces that were handed down. About a month ago I was finally able, after years of trying, to get a leather chair for Michael. I closed it up in his office and when he came home surprised him with it. But what hit ME when I opened the door was this intense smell of good leather. In a flash, I was in the summer, back in Fuquay. My mother's mother, Grandmother Lois,  would always pry me away from the overly air conditioned, darkened den (she kept the curtains closed all day so her sister from across the street could not see what she was doing...particularly if she was still in her nightgown during the day!), her giant TV (she had CABLE..and that was a BIG deal then!) and send me off to see her father and mother. I would go, reluctantly...but when i got there..I was always glad that I did!  I would enter in the back by the den of Papa's and Mama's. Papa's big swivel leather chair in the corner where he always sat was the focus of the room and the smell of that leather and his pipe smoke was as aromatic as any scent I have ever encountered.  The desk that I am sitting at was in between he and Mama, and I sat across the room in a goose neck rocker and got to listen to stories from both of them (well into their 90's), until I was 13 years old. Think about it...Papa and Mama were born 20 years after the civil war...the stories that they told and the things they had seen...it was amazing.

Having this in the bedroom to write on, to use...well...it is a connection to a part of me that is...simply comforting. We have a rule that nothing comes in the house unless it has a use and a place. This desk is my gratitude desk. I will write my blog here and thank you notes. That will be the use of it and given from whom it came, how it was used by them, and what it means to me, that only seems right. If fact, I knocked my first note off right before I started this blog tonight. It just feels good.

This has been a very intense weekend of gratitude. On Friday, I vlogged:




the jist being that I am at the point in my working out and living well that it is dangerous. So many HUGE changes have happened. They are smaller now. The "pink cloud" and the euphoria of a lot of the success has begun to dissipate and now it about not only maintenance but moving forward with living healthily one day at a time always. No one is doing to do it for me...and it means that i have continue to reach IN to me and show up! and reach OUT to those who love and support me and not allow myself to get out this wonderful path!

Certainly Saturday was an amazing wake up call that I have a lot still to enjoy if I keep at it! I got up and went to volunteer at a mile timed race that Without limits coaching was hosting with Go Time and while there two friend encouraged me to run. I did and ran my first mile under 10 minutes ever! In fact, I ran the mile in 9:26! It was freakin' amazing. Just to make sure it was not a fluke, I got on my bike today and after doing the loop around UNCW, I went to the track and ran it...it was almost the exact same time! :)...It felt AMAZING!

The biggest part of the weekend though was our anniversary. We have combined our Holy Union Anniversary, our "first meeting" anniversary" with this date since it was the date that we were legally married in Massachusetts. We are on 15 years. For me..well, that is more than a miracle. I said to one of the runners on Saturday that "I was loved at 220..then 350..and still now...it never seemed to make a difference..tell me I am not the luckiest man walking the face of the earth." I can assure you that I know how blessed I am in this relationship. In fact, it is part of this desk's history. Mama and Papa were together for 75 years before Moma died. Nothing perfect in them....but I know they "got it" when it came to being grateful...We take it to the next level of not just making a life together..but also..LIVING a life together. I truly cannot imagine any other life....

Adam Freeman Personal Training  | Cape Fear Heart Walk! GIVE TODAY! | Crest Fitness | Custom Fit Meals| Heidi Kaufman Nutritional Services-Dietitian | Bike Cycles Bike Shop at Mayfaire| Boseman's Sporting Goods | New Balance Shoes | Tidal Creek- Healthy Foods! | Pita Delite- Wilmington | Hibachi Bistro on College Road | The Star News | WECT | Wilmington Biz and Wilma | Encore Magazine | New Hanover County Public Health Department | Zoe's Kitchen | Try Sports| VitaCost online NC Company for sports Nutrition | City of Wilmington Parks and Recreation| New Hanover County Parks| Airlie Gardens | The Shell Cross City Trail | Wrightsville Family Practice | Sandra Miles Dentistry | Church of the Servant Episcopal |o2 Fitness| Active.Com| Without Limits Coaching | Go Time| Cape Fear River Watch| New Hanover County Arboretum| Coastal Land Trust| Masonboro.org| Hook, Line and Paddle| Wilmington Road Runners | Cape Fear Cyclists

Day 540: Greater Than Through Love and Support

I am updating my blog posts if you have not noticed and I am hoping that it comes through ok. The title comes through with the day (as this journey is ONE DAY AT A TIME) and the entire journey itself was dubbed Greater THAN (instead of  the original title that was see LESS of Bo) through love and support (because only through the love and support of others and a higher power, whom I chose to call God, do we/I succeed at meeting my goals and making the changes that I want to make in my life in the way that I have! 

Then, at the bottom of each post now, I have the links to the people, places and things that have effected me in a way that have created this health and wellness. Clearly Adam is going to always be first on that list. Always! But these links are here for you to research to see if these resources are something that you might want to access as well..and as I learn, I will add to the list. They certainly have worked for me.  I recieve no endorsements from them. I just love them and they have changed my life utilizing them.

Anyway...I am back at it this week at work and getting back into my routine. I gotta say that they runnnig is getting WAY better and the trail around UNCW is getting so amazing!! If I leave out house and enter the woods at the end of Randall Parkway and go by the challenege course, I can pick up the Shell Trail that is parralells rose avenue right there. It snakes through the woods in that area and is SOOOO beautful! It goes over a bridge and then enters into UNCW at the back of campus and does straight up past Graham Hewett and the the path that I laid my feet on FIRST when they laid the asphalt by the Fields runs up by the track. They have finished the gravel from there to the front of campus adn right now it is like running on the national mall! I like that feel. I am not sure if they are going to black top that..but it is nice the way it is. I run across the front of camps and then back down randall to the house! I think it is a little over 4 miles..and it is awesome! I am actually loving this more than the loop! :) and it is right out our back door!

This morning Adam put me through my paces and took it up a notch on a new machine clearly designed by the devil himself. It is a stair machine....perpetual stairs. I can imagine a hell where you are condemed to walk this for eternity! :) but it busted my tail and we had to literally mop up after me. The deal is that the ellipticals are just not getting me there..so he had to take me to that next level..and this did and then some! I will be soaking in a tub this evening! but with gratitude! LOL!

Anyhoo...off to work..break is over!

Love to all!

Links to the Keys to my Health and Wellness Success!

Adam Freeman Personal Training  | Cape Fear Heart Walk! GIVE TODAY! | Crest Fitness | Custom Fit Meals| Heidi Kaufman Nutritional Services-Dietitian | Bike Cycles Bike Shop at Mayfaire| Boseman's Sporting Goods | New Balance Shoes | Tidal Creek- Healthy Foods! | Pita Delite- Wilmington | Hibachi Bistro on College Road | The Star News | WECT | Wilmington Biz and Wilma | Encore Magazine | New Hanover County Public Health Department | Zoe's Kitchen | Try Sports| VitaCost online NC Company for sports Nutrition | City of Wilmington Parks and Recreation| New Hanover County Parks| Airlie Gardens | The Shell Cross City Trail | Wrightsville Family Practice | Sandra Miles Dentistry | Church of the Servant Episcopal |o2 Fitness| Active.Com| Without Limits Coaching | Go Time| Cape Fear River Watch| New Hanover County Arboretum| Coastal Land Trust| Masonboro.org| Hook, Line and Paddle| Wilmington Road Runners | Cape Fear Cyclists

Day 537: Greater than through love and support

it feels like the night before the first day of school. God did I hate that. the end of summer. the end of vacation...but that is what it feels like tonight. I don't have new pencils, a new lunch box, and a new bag with my initials on it...but maybe, having had some time off, I have a little more patience...a little more peace about me than when I left work two weeks ago.

This vacation has not been as long as the summer's of my youth...but in many ways it had some of the same joys. When I was young, we would not go far...usually to Myrtle beach for a week or two. I would spend time playing in the fields near my grandparents, enjoying time with my cousin, exploring the world around us, getting sunburnt and trying to cross from daddy's to grandmother's house without getting a foot full of sandspurs. We went to my favorite Uncle's house at night and played rook for hours. Then shot bottle rockets. We belonged to a private pool in town and were too young to notice the "lack of diversity" there..but we had so much fun in that pool. they would grease up a watermelon and throw it in and the winner was the one to get it to the side. (ok..so we were not brilliant..but at least it was not a greased pig!). We ate watermelon like it was air and corn on the cobb eating contests where pretty regular and I spent hours and hours watching my cousin and others play at the little league fields..sneaking away to go to see my other grandmother during the games. We ate blueberries off Mrs. Mewbern's bushes and that got us through the afternoon and the Kinton's scupernon grapes were just overload for us....but were gooood!  All around us farms churned out work and people kept going to off to whatever they did, but we were free and having "summer".

Well, for two weeks now, I have had "summer". No daily office to go to. Just time to do some of those things that I love. I have avoided sandspurs on the northend and walked out and watched the sunset. Kayaked to new places discovering the almost empty beaches along masonboro and the most amazing wildlife ever. We tandem kayaked..and had a blast and along that journey explored parts of banks channel i would never have seen otherwise. We roasted corn and I ate it with the fervor I did when I was little...or at least younger..and although Watermelon will never taste like it did off the back of Grandaddy's cub tractor right after we had pulled them from the field, I have enjoyed it just the same...and remembered him. I have shared time with friends, gone to dinner, had a laugh at the comedy club downtown, done things that just filled my soul. I have even done some volunteer things and activities that feed me...oh..and i got to spend so much time on the shell trail...so much time....so much good energy burnt up there. such a blessed place....like the pitcher plants and venus fly traps at alderman we got to enjoy and the lecture..the history we witnessed with mr. rehder...wow....


I have had time to digest...or at least try to all the changes that are going on. Friends who are being uprooted in their jobs, loss, grieving, pain....there is a lot of loss and emotion around me. With those I care deeply for. I know I cannot change it for them, but I also needed to recharge my own batteries so that I can be the friend I want to be. That has been important in this and it has been so healing. Hell, I know it sounds simple, but I cleaned out my/our closet. That alone was cathartic and made me feel a little lighter. freeing me to be available to what life has to offer next.

there were some things I did not do....but will not dwell there. It has been perfect as is...and i think, as i have been learning over the years that tomorrow, when I go back to work, it does not have to be the "first day of school". Summer is not over. It is just a transition back to a routine that not only sustains me and us, but also allows for all of this to happen....for these blessings to exist and be possible.

So, while i will don my work clothes..there is still a kayaking adventure in my future this week, corn on the cob, watermelon, a connection, peace....there still is all of it....and for that, I am truly, truly grateful.
thanks be!

 Links to the Keys to my Health and Wellness Success!

Adam Freeman Personal Training | Adam Freeman Training On line | Crest Fitness | Custom Fit Meals| Heidi Kaufman Nutritional Services-Dietitian | Bike Cycles Bike Shop at Mayfaire| Boseman's Sporting Goods | New Balance Shoes | Tidal Creek- Healthy Foods! | Pita Delite- Wilmington | Hibachi Bistro on College Road | The Star News | WECT | Wilmington Biz and Wilma | Encore Magazine | New Hanover County Public Health Department | Zoe's Kitchen | Try Sports| VitaCost online NC Company for sports Nutrition | City of Wilmington Parks and Recreation| New Hanover County Parks| Airlie Gardens | The Shell Cross City Trail | Wrightsville Family Practice | Sandra Miles Dentistry | Church of the Servant Episcopal |Down to Earth Essential Oils

Day 534: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

I was dialing for dollars yesterday for an organization that I care a great deal for and  went to get a private email for someone from their facebook and on their profile was this:

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future"

It was a quote that I needed to read so badly. Not only was it the most appropriate thing I could read for the organization I was writing folks about to donate to (Wilmington interfaith hospitality network, as the agency works to provide housing and shelter to homeless families and work to bring about resources to help the families back to self sufficiency), but I needed it because I have been feeling scared...maybe that is not the word...sad? concerned? I am not sure what it is, but I know that what I have been feeling has been a sense of my overall optimism and belief in the goodness of folks being absorbed by so much around me.

As the news continues to get worse for the economy, I look to see those around me rally...like we do after a hurricane. Ya know what I mean? After a hurricane it is amazing to watch folks from every walk of life coming out to help each other: clearing debris, cooking food, providing for each other. It is like the crisis tears away the divide between us and creates opportunity to truly be about the business of our spiritual selves..giving and being givers. We are transformed by the event and no one is unworthy of help or assistance. We are all "in this together".

Yet, our country is facing and has been for some time a crisis of financial issues, wars, and deep constructed cultural divideds and I have never seen such division and selfishness in my life. One cent on our tax rate could have saved scholarships for those in need of an education and yet that was too much. Our congress plays a cat and mouse game with our senior's social security and our neediest citizen's medicare and somehow that is a legitimate discussion? Mental health and other health issues take a beating while our elected officials have the best health care in the country. Early childhood development and women's health are slashed. While we have folks who still have two cars, a home, have so much who rage against parks, wellness, and the common good and go to church on Sunday and somehow make it fit.

It seems that the harder it gets the worse it is getting for people who are so afraid to share what they have ("that is socialism!!"..well, no it is not, it actually reflects what I understand more in line with my spiritual life)..or to give a little of what they have to help others is somehow enabling folks who are "taking advantage" or who just "need a job".  And if the Government is the issue of where they are concerned about giving to...why aren't charities seeing great increases in giving? It is gut wrenching to watch, particularly being involved in groups that are working with those who are struggling.

Where is that spirit of "we are all in this together?" Instead we circulate emails that regale tales of abusers of food stamps, go viral on folks who use government assistance inappropriately...and there is such a sense of superiority in the comments that are attached from the senders or on facebook etc. (because none of us EVER cheat or take advantage and THEY are the real problem. THEY are the rule...etc etc etc)

I have been a commissioner for the housing authority for 5 years. I have been involved for a long time in groups who aid folks that are of the greatest need. I have seen the worst and the best of those in "the system", and I know it is far from perfect. Abuse of the privilege of assistance is revolting. But what is more revolting is a system that is set up that does not encourage success or change. A system that defunds opportunity, that at one time gave a "way out" for those who were able, but no longer does and ironically has no limits on the length of time to receive assistance. And yet what do we do? What do our elected officials do?  What are we doing to make a difference? What are we doing to add to the discussion to create change?

What I am seeing for the most part is this "all or nothing" discussion.  No reform of the issues at hand, just cut it off..eliminate...slash and burn...and so the truly deserving, the truly in need, those who are of greatest concern go without and those who abuse the system...well, they have won the day...and those who "have".....well, they get to keep what they "have" and get to feel superior as well.

I am hear to tell you, having had the experience that I have had, that there is REAL NEED. I have witnessed what can happen and I am witnessing it everyday when WE take the time to INVEST in each other and to CARE about each other and reinforce SUCCESS. WIHN, Habitat, UNCW/WHA Campus, YouthBuild, CFCC Foundation are just a few of the mechanisms that are at play that I have seen change lives and help folks move from assistance to self sufficiency. But these groups struggle for lack of funds and funding and support. It is inconceivable sometimes.

That is where that scripture came so powerfully at me: "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future"

I know that THE work happens through US...In those programs and agencies I just named, I have seen it...but it is fragile and not the DAY. It is not the common. the Common Good. THE Work  is not worked by some magical hand coming down to earth and clicking a finger or blinking an eye and making it happen...it requires US. For NO HARM, rather HOPE, and A FUTURE to happen, it requires US.

What has bothered me lately is to see folks who harm either overtly or by denial of the problem. Those who see what is and choose to look the other way or see what is and act in accordance with what will only serve their own selfish ends. They limit hope for so many and create a future for ALL of us that is divided and engulfed without that spirit of giving..without that spirit of "all for one"...without a sense of who we CAN be. 

I believe with every fiber of me that there is perfection in a plan that is handed to us to "prosper" each one of us...but it requires each one of us. It requires that WE do something. That We care about each other. That WE give. That WE understand. For me, from here on out...I will be asking "what have I done today to proper hope and the future.

 Links to the Keys to my Health and Wellness Success!

Adam Freeman Personal Training | Adam Freeman Training On line | Crest Fitness | Custom Fit Meals| Heidi Kaufman Nutritional Services-Dietitian | Bike Cycles Bike Shop at Mayfaire| Boseman's Sporting Goods | New Balance Shoes | Tidal Creek- Healthy Foods! | Pita Delite- Wilmington | Hibachi Bistro on College Road | The Star News | WECT | Wilmington Biz and Wilma | Encore Magazine | New Hanover County Public Health Department | Zoe's Kitchen | Try Sports| VitaCost online NC Company for sports Nutrition | City of Wilmington Parks and Recreation| New Hanover County Parks| Airlie Gardens | The Shell Cross City Trail | Wrightsville Family Practice | Sandra Miles Dentistry | Church of the Servant Episcopal |Down to Earth Essential Oils

Day 531: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

My favorite movie of ALL time is "hunt for red october"...I have watched that movie...oh, about 1000 times.  There is a line in it in which the captain recalls that when cortez traveled to the new world and landed, he burnt his ships. Thus, the sailors where highly motivated to explore the new lands. I thought about that line a lot last night I was finishing something i have been doing off and on for a while now: I got rid of ALL of the big and tall clothes in my closet.

Up until now I have gone through and gotten rid of some shirts. Selling them on E-bay and using the money for charity. I even mailed them with information about the American Heart Association and my journey hoping that perhaps the next recipient of the items might be inspired. But I have held on to a TON of stuff. No more. Last night, after hours of pulling and proding, it is all in bags, ready to leave the house.

But holding on to them is not an option..see, I am not going back. None of this "fat clothes" bs...this is a lifestyle change and I have made it. I am "burning the ship" of my 3x, 4x shirts, my 48-54 inch waist pants, my 3x rugby shirts (ok..that one hurt..I have a collection of these and I LOVE them...but not enough to go back..but damn....LOL!) Holding on to any of these clothes says that it is ok to not do what I am doing for myself today for my health. It is not. Moving forward and staying the course....exploring more of this unchartered world of health and wellness, that is where it is at!...ok..enough with the analogy...but it is good...and there is a certain freedom in "letting go".

It is shameful how much clothing there is. I did this thing when I got larger in buying clothes..and lots of them that were like the quality clothing that I had always worn. See, somehow if I could keep up the appearance that I was wearing the same clothes as I had always worn, then, well, it was not that bad. Never mind that I could only either shop online or in the big and tall sections of stores.

Every once and a while I would go into one of those "regular stores"..the amber-expressed-navy-buckle places and I would feel like the sales people would just stare at me like.."really?...can we help you find your way out?" I felt like a total perv in those places. Typically I would look at hats and accessories and slink out trying not to be noticed. However, this weekend, Michael and I where in the mall and he wanted to go into Express. The salesperson asked ME if there was something I wanted....now, mind you, I am about 20 years too old for those clothes..but he nonetheless asked ME if I wanted to try on something..he thought I could FIT into those clothes...and the cool thing is...If I was really have a mid-life crisis and wanted to dress inappropriately young...I could have fit in those clothes! It was AWESOME! I felt completely free and it was nice!

Another blessing along the way of many blessings...
Now, what to do with all these clothes..I guess have a sale and figure out how to convert the cash to the Heart Association!
Thanks be!

Day 530: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

ok..I am swear i am not being lazy..but i am VLOGGING today becuase I am still on vacation. I also really want to share the amazing new section of the cross city trail with folks...it is a piece that runs along rose avenue and it is AMAZING! so peaceful, serene..a place to get lost in the middle of the city! What a blessing!

here is the link if you are getting this by email or on a reader



we are enjoying out staycation so very much and have so much to reccomend! It was one of the smarter things we have done! :)

Day 525: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

I let my posts slip away for a week. An intense week. July fourth was awesome in so many ways. I had the first, literally the first experience where I went to a party at someone's home and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I don't want to offend anyone who might read this and who might have had me over..what I mean by this is...it was the first time in years I was truly comfortable in my own skin....It was an indoor outdoor party...there was food by middle of the island catering (good old fashioned country food), a mixture of people, a steel drum band..and just people I love. But unlike other events where I worried that my clothe did not fit right, or i did not look good sitting down, or I was so conscious of my weight...I literally sat in this party and just enjoyed everyone's company...never got over heated..ate just a little, but enough to be satisfied, and just enjoyed the evening. No one would suspect, I would imagine, that I was that uncomfortable in social scenes for so long. I am always, or at least I told, seen as the someone who is so "out there" and social. But I spent years loathing going places..because I was so self conscious. Don't get me wrong, I ain't over all that! LOL! but, sitting in Livian's, it was just nice...and that was...a relief..I could breathe..enjoy..not feel so pressured..and really enjoy connecting and being with people. What a pleasure.

But after that evening, I am afraid there were some things that happened that made for some intense time. No need to detail it as it was more involved in those I care about than anyting to do with me....but what is so important for me, what is so amazing and so needed for me to write about is how, when I reach out in what appears to be the darkest moments, when what appears to be the worst of circumstances, someone, something is always there. It may not be in the form or in the way I want it. It may not come in the desired manner in which I prefer, but I am reminded in every episode of concern and need in my life, that no matter what, no matter the dire feel of a moment, I am not alone, we are not alone, if we allow that love, support and help to come in through and from others... I have said to a couple of people this week how much they mean to me. How much having people I can trust and how much their love means. It is more precious than anything else in this world and I NEVER take it for granted.

If nothing else, it goes back to the name that donnie gave this who journey "greater through love and support". By connecting with and to one another, we can and do overcome and get through anything and everything...and this week, it felt like, it was going to be a non-stop need. We sometimes have to watch as others feel pain, and the most courageous and helpful thing we can do is just be there for there...because I cannot fix it. At work two people I love dearly lost their positions after literally serving the university for decades..another 147 positions were cut. It was hard, harder than I can remember to say "but for the grace of God..". A dear friend's son was hit on his bicycle and sustained spinal injuries and just today, I learned that a woman I love dearly, who is the sister of two of my dearest friends has stage four, colon, lung, and kidney cancer. If she is 50, I would be surprised.

My friend Nick walked up to me and said "but tell me something good. I need to hear somehing good today." I love Nick for that. I turned to him and I was able to tell him what I heard from Tracey wilkes about a student that she had in Dreams who was able to attend a modern dance workshop because community donors saw the value in making that happen for this 13 year old to seek out and fulfill his talents, She talked about how 100% of the students in her program, 90% of whom are on free lunch (thus below poverty line) have graduated high school when 56% of those below the poverty line drop out. I told Nick about how a recent graduate of the Youthbuild program got a job with Kids Making it full time and two of them are in college and we have another YouthBuild grant. I told him about meeting with Bob Calboun from Cape Fear Habitat and Jim Morgan from his board and connecting up on a new initiative they are coming out with for revitalization, and how the chamber was so involved in helping with the Youth Enrichment ZOne for at risk youth and they wanted to recruit volunteers...and how I had vacation..and how we were having time...and by the end of all that...all the things that have been happening and had happened...well, they did not go away...they are still there...but somehow..there was a balance...somehow that sucking noise of negativity that came at me last week...that emotional intensity...well, like I said, it did not go away..but I was filling up with the good...Nick reminded me to "tell something good".

Ironically, or by no coincidence,  I was asked to follow up behind Adam, who was speaking and INSPIRING at the downtown rotary...and by doing this, before we got up there, I was filled with "the good news". I have no idea what I said when I got up there...but I know that what I shared followed being grateful. I needed to do that. I needed to extend the life I have been given. I am glad that was the bargain that we struck..and that is what I am asked to do.

I went for a run when I got home and the heat was intense, but not to bad. I am at such peace this afternoon. I know that part of taking care of me..as I talk about the "physical, spiritual, and mental" self is to "fill me" spiritually so that when I experience a friend in a dark place, or I am around suffering, or something "surprising" happens, I am able to deal with it. We used to call it the "spritual bank account". Part of this week is to relax..do things that add to that account...give myself a break and be about the business of healing in some ways. I am a fortunate and blessed man to have that opporunity!

thanks be!

Day 514: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

Ok..so going for a run is no big news..but going for a run in the woods is..and preparing to go run through fire, mud and through a course of obstacles with a pack of other fools..that is news to. Yep, I have signed up for the Warrior Dash in August and i cannot wait (go to http://warriordash.com/). One thing that a lot of folks don't know about me is that as a kid, my mom's rather loud voice used to echo through the hills of chapel hill trying to hunt me down trying to get me to come inside. Although about half the year I spent in teh hospital growing up because of severe ashtma, the other half was spent, and as much as I could, outside, traveling through the creeks and woods of Chapel Hill..getting as dirty..as muddy, as filthy as I possibly could. It was not till I hit puberty that I became sedentary and let the ashthma and the "I can't do it" take over my life". My childhood was filled with camping, being outside, and it was MAGIC. Part of this journey..a large part of this change and being back to a health that is amazing has been re-discovering that part of myself that loved being outside..loved being physical..playing sports even and being ALIVE in so many ways! This dash looks like so much fun and I cannot wait.

Oh yeah..i know I am 44..and I am not going to go crazy. I aims to finish! LOL..not win! :) I also aim to have a good time. That is the aim now..enjoy myself..enjoy being alive. Enjoy being healtier and continue to grow. Yes there is work involved..but there does not have to be so much struggle all the daggone time. There is so much to enjoy! It is an "attitude of gratitude!".

Anyway, back to the run last night.....The woods behind our house are the woods by UNCW. They are also the woods that go between Randall Drive and Rose avenue and border the challenge course for UNCW. I hotfooted it down the path and it was great! It felt like being in the woods back home in Chapel Hill..smelled like home to with honeysuckle hitting my nose mixed with pine..and I was able to keep pace with the soft sand under my feet. I was watching myself to make sure I was steady becuase of the change and variation in the ground, but it was good.

When I got to the end of the woods..there it was...the Gary Shell Trail that now borders Rose avenue has been put in. The asphalt was clear and beautfiul and I stepped onto it and it was serpentine and wrapped through and around the woods behind the homes. It was lovely. I was overwhelmed with joy as I ran down that stretch..seeing another piece of this progress. But here is what I encountered. I saw a father a way down the path, getting onto it with his daughter. Dad was overweight and looked out of shape. But here he was. out for an evening walk with his little girl. Because of this path...a working class neighborhood that has no sidewalks, now has an area for he and his daughter to spend time together..and maybe, if they keep this up, he will get healthier and his daughter will have him around a lot longer. I saw a couple riding together..and lots of others...this was and is an extension of health, relaxation, and wellness for the neighborhood and EVERYONE could access it and use it! What power in that! What blessings! What COMMON GOOD!  I was energized in my run like none other. Grace...so much grace comes in being a part of something like that. It is something I can never repay or fully explain..but I am grateful..and I will run, bike..and do it all as long as I am here....

thanks be!