Day 294: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

Sunday and it the close to an awesome week!

Frankly I would have never imagined that I would be in a "celebrity" auction...notorious maybe, celebrity..no, and while I have no problem speaking in front of a crowd, taking the stage and walking a cat walk modeling clothes...well, that was unimaginable to me not that long ago. I mean, would cape fear formal have even had a tux to fit me? It was an experience I won't soon to forget with people I truly respect and love for a cause I am so honored to have been a part of of..




Course my favorite part of this vid was the expression the girl from Reed's jewlry at the very end...sort of like "who the hell is this guy"...classic!
But the folks who did this...wow...talk about blessings!

Becuase of this auction and because of a breakfast in the am, I was not able to do Cardio on Thursday. I was not too upset about missing a day, but it cannot be a habit obviously nor do I want it to be.

Friday was a great work out with Adam, we aren't doing the stairs this week...not even doing repeated sets....just going from one exercise to another and moving along at a pretty good clip.

I was getting excited about the weekend because I signed up for the Flotilla 5k at Wrightsville Beach.  I figured that I had to run anyway on Saturday, might as well do it for a good cause and have some fun too!



It felt good to be there. I have to say that the app in my ear really helps to keep the pace, but being in a crowd like this also helps a great deal too! In the first mile, the app as saying I was hitting 6.5 up to 7.0 miles an hour! It was incredible and I was staying with some pretty seasoned runners...but I have not trained for that level and that was not something I could sustain...so I got to a pace that I could handle and it was great! Yes, lots of folks passed me, but it did not matter..I was never dropping below 5.5  miles an hour, I was feeling the amazing chill while running into the sun...and it was awesome! Not to mention that this time I was running by myself..and it was me and the run...I was able to encourage myself! :) that was the best part! Getting across the finish line was great because I was happy for me! :) Does that make sense? It was a great feeling!




and after I left, I went to breakfast with Michael and spent the rest of the day doing things that were productive and had a great day! It was awesome!

Below is a great article that I found and I thought was pretty great..I am still working on the belly...but this was some good info!


Thanks be!

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Susan B. Dopart, M.S., R.D.

Santa Monica Nutritionist and Author of A Recipe for Life by the Doctor's Dietitian

Posted: November 7, 2010 11:29 AM

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Beer Gut? Spare Tire? How To Bust Your Belly Fat

We have a joking term for it -- "beer belly," but the reality is that the kind of fat that accumulates in and around the abdominal region is no laughing matter. In fact, it can have some serious health implications.
There are two types of fat contained within the body: visceral and subcutaneous. Subcutaneous fat is the padding beneath your skin and is not a health risk unless excessive. Think of it like the insulation in the walls of your home. Visceral fat is the one we call "belly fat." What makes visceral fat dangerous is the inflammatory hormones it secretes. Many people know belly fat is not attractive, but may not realize it is a metabolically active tissue with blood vessels running throughout that can be dangerous or even deadly.
Research Reveals The Dangers
A 1998 study published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism examined what happens when visceral and subcutaneous fat are observed in a Petri dish. The visceral fat released three times more toxic inflammatory chemicals than the subcutaneous fat.
Visceral fat is dangerous for a variety of reasons:

• It has a direct route to the liver and can negatively increase liver function tests such as cholesterol.

• It is linked with dumping inflammatory hormones into your body, which can affect your heart, kidney and brain.

• It is associated with insulin resistance, which is an inability of your body to respond appropriately to your own insulin, which in turn increases fat storage and blood sugars.

• It is connected with increased rates of cancer and cancer-like growths in the body.

Measure Up
Men with a waist circumference larger than 40 inches, or women with a 35-inch waist or greater, are at a high risk of disease due to increased visceral fat.
To measure your waist, place the tape measurement around the circumference of your waist at the point of your belly button. This measure is more important than the number on the scale: waist size is more important than weight.
It is important to remember visceral fat did not come on overnight, and will not come off easily. This type of fat is stubborn. Consistency with a healthy balanced diet and exercise program is required if you want to see permanent body and health changes.
Lifestyle Change Can Help You Bust Visceral Fat
1. Exercise just 30 minutes per day. "Moderate levels of cardio-respiratory fitness are associated with a 50 percent lower death rate, and this applies in both women and men," states Dr. Steven Blair, professor of Exercise Science at the University of South Carolina and former director of the Cooper Institute. Dr. Blair defines moderate intensity exercise as walking for 30 minutes on five or more days of the week. If there ever was a magic bullet to lowering fat in the body and increasing health, this is it.
2. Stick to a nutritious, anti-inflammatory diet. Consuming unprocessed food in its natural state such as local organic produce, nuts/seeds, lean protein such as grass fed meat, pasture raised poultry and eggs, wild fish, organic dairy, unprocessed grains such as buckwheat, wild or brown rice, quinoa; and healthy fats such as cold-pressed extra virgin olive oil.
3. Eat mindfully. Take 10 minutes out of your busy day to focus on your food and the enjoyment and nourishment it gives you. Eating mindfully helps with being in touch with the amount of food your body needs to match your metabolic rate, keeping your body fat normal.
It is possible to rebound from the belly bulge. By exercising, eating an anti-inflammatory diet and eating mindfully, you'll not only gain a trimmer waistline, but an overall healthier you!
Susan is the author of A Recipe for Life by the Doctor's Dietitian. For more information, visit susandopart.com

Day 289: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

Monday began with getting to the gym and having a great start to the day...





work went well and then I was off to the dentist. I go to Sandra Miles DDS and she is about the only dentist that is currently in practice that can stick that needle in my mouth without Valium or gas. She is remarkable and has been helping me with my teeth health as well, something that I have needed for a long time and now starting to really get it together.

I was in there for a while and then home to try and rest.


Unfortunately the internet stalker was at it again last night, this time posing as someone else on facebook Friday the same person had take the time and money to make a cartoon video and post that.  It seems to never end. What was nice last night after I wrote a few people, filed the report this time on this lunatic/sick person, was that I was at peace.

The world around us may seem completely out of control these days, but strangely it was almost like I have been being prepared for this moment for 20 years when I was told that I would know serenity when in the midst of a storm, I could find myself completely at peace.

Throughout the years, I have been in many storms and found some peace..but not like this.

In most of those storms there was always this sense that I needed to do more, be more, act more, and there were even twinges of regret that maybe if I had just...fill in the blank. There was also remnants of self doubt and letting the insults and hate of others infiltrate my health and opinion of me...my God centeredness. The worst of it was that whatever stress I was enduring, I let myself eat myself into bad health or not take care of myself. The more distraught, the more I grabbed at something to fill the anxiety...and food is a great comforter.

But today, I am realizing more and more that I can only do what I am capable of...and I am grateful for that..but it means there are limits...and in these political races, I have done all I can do. I have shared, talked, given, tried to educate, and been active. I have placed myself out there and not been shy about peaceful, but appropriate confrontation. In the end, that is what I have and I am at peace.

I feel no guilt for who I am and there is a sense of self that i have, after all these years, never had before and will not let go of. You can have so much from me, but you cannot have my sense of self. I acquired that by acknowledging the God within me. Not being God, but knowing that I am the imperfect creation of something much greater than myself and I am do all I can to live up to and be with that guided love in my life each day.

As a result, I don't have to hurt me anymore when I am stressed or when it is the worst around me. I don't have to over eat, do things that only make things worse.  What a wonderful freedom and happiness...that sense of peace.

I am sad that there are those who are going to the polls so selfishly, or those who are reactionary or out of hatred or prejudice. I am sad that corporations have bought and paid for so many votes...the saddest I feel are people I care about who have traded their own influence to ignore a candidate locally over long entrenched race issues and will ultimately see our whole community pay for it in the end...but I am not in control of them or those situations. I have only myself to ask for guidance and try and live that...it is a very freeing sense of place and time.

I have seen my friends beaten up and spoken up, I have never been talked about so much and not let it go when it infiltrated my life but let a lot go where it just showed how unfortunate the prevaricators of such mess are (and learned about some of them enough so about their own family lives to really pray for them actually), and yet, I am at peace. I know my motives, I know why I do what I do, and I will continue to do...and pray each and everyday that it is His will, but at least know that I am trying.

It is the best I have felt, emotionally, physically and spiritually on an election night in a long time.

I had a difficult night last night physically and stayed home today. This evening I was able to run 3.2 miles and while my lungs were a little tough in the cold air and I was struggling with my pace, it was an amazing run.

It is a good night..a good day..and I am grateful..very very grateful.

thanks be to God!

Day 285: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

progress not perfection is happening in one major area and I am glad I took the time to see it today and sometimes think look easier than they actually are! :) Those are my two themes today!

I decided to go for my run over my lunch hour yesterday. I have seen a lot of folks do this over the years..use lunch to run and it seemed like a perfectly lovely idea..well, that is where the "looks easier than it actually is comes in.

I had to get home, which is not hard, since we are right by the office, but change, make sure not to dilly dally in the house and hit the road. The run itself was good. I actually thought I had picked up my pace substantially..and got my head in that too much instead of just enjoying the run. When I finished, I looked down at the "mapmyrun" app and I had only done 2.13 miles at 13:55 a mile. I was dessimated! I thought for sure I had broken 13 minutes a mile and had gone at least three when I stopped. I was actually angry when I walked in the house. But then...I looked at the app..and my recent runs..and I realized something..
2.93 miles 13:28 a mile
4.0 miles 14:54 a mile
2.0 miles 14:54 a mile
2.41 miles 13.07 a mile
2.09 miles 13:59 a mile
1.94 miles 15:00 a mile

While there have been two occassions were I got up on the my stride, for the most part, not only was today a good run, it was a new area for me to run in, but in all of this I am making progress! Hell, I only started running less than a month ago! Dag... It is so dangerous for me to get hung up to fast on pushing to be...oh..whatever...and not just enjoying this and getting the maximum benift out of it! I am running by God and that is something to celebrate!

So..anyhoo..as to the looks easier than..I am pooped now on my break at work..running mid day is a butt kicker. I am glad I did it becuase I was and am sure it is going to rain this evening, but it has zapped me.

Now it is actually Friday...I never finished that post becuase when I got home, I made dinner with Michael and as we finished I zonked out on the couch. I awoke at 11 to his adventures in Fable II (have I mentioned I am a Fable widow of late! LOL!..seriously, I love it when he has something he so enjoys!)...and I went back downstairs to bed.

I got up and went to the gym this morning. I had played with the mapmyrun app on the phone and noticed a voice activiation system..it is SOOOO cool and helpful. see, now, every morning before I work out i run. I have not been sure how far of how fast, but I know it is awesome becuase this is the first place I tried to run and was not able to even get to the first traffic circle. Now I get to the end of the road and back and THEN start my work out.

So, long story short (I, know..too late!) this morning I used the voice system and it, every 10th of a mile told me what my pace was, my miles per hour, and accumulated time etc. It was very cool and helped me to see where I was and how I was doing. I really could monitor how I ran and sure enough..I am not crazy..I do run over 5 miles an hour..but when I get lost in thought..it drops down to 4.2 or 4.0 even. By having the voice system (kinda like adam! LOL!) in my head, it kept me on an even pace and when I got back to the gym, I had done a Distance 1.46 mi, Duration 16:26, Pace 11:16 min/mile, Speed 5.3 mph! It was such an awesome feeling..and I could have done more!

We worked out and I mean we worked out! Adam has me on leg drop sets starteing at 300 pounds, to 280, to 270...then run the stairs in some choreographed fashion, then chest presses in drop sets, then the stairs, then pull downs in drop sets, then stairs and repeat! It is pretty amazing!

So, all in all it is amazing! So grateful!

I am going to post more this weekend about some body imaging stuff! But this is great!

have a great Friday and happy halloween!

Day 282: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

we started the week with adam kicking my butt for sure. We are out of the oxygen express room and back in the regular gym..drop sets are the order of the day and we are droppin' me for sho! :) drop sets on the horse..then running up the steps four sets..then drop sets on the press..run four sets up the steps..drops sets on the pull down..then four sets up the steps..then 5 minutes on the bike and level 14 at over 80 rpm steady as she goes..rinse and repeat! LOL!

of course I got in 30 minutes of running to start of the day..and I am pooped!

the very cool thing was that as I climbed the steps, the most amazing sunrise was coming up and it was breaking through with these amazing colors. Did NOT want to miss that and was incentivizing getting to the top of those stairs for sure! What wonder! So glad I was there to see that..no matter the cost of the sweat! LOL!

We joke all the time about the work out not being worth it unless Mickey Mouse comes out...Adam took a pic this morning to show that Mickey was front and center...

so. you should be able to see ole mickey's ears, and his face outlined in my shirt. He usually appears at warm up after I have run a good 30 minutes and hangs around through out. The very cool thing is that he is less and less looking as if he is swollen and more flat to the shirt as an imprint! :) 

but, if Mickey does not appear, I am not working hard enough..so I am always looking to have a disney experience at the gym! LOL!

Anyway...the rest of the day has gone well. I had a great meeting at lunch and with a new connection for doing good things in the world...and then off to the commissioner's meeting. I think at the commissioner's meeting I genuinely got a sense of feeling like it was time that the past is just that. The work that we did to move things forward has been done and we are here now and can trust the process. It is a new day and one that we can be proud of and I can feel good about being a part of things...and just, not relax perse..but not always feel like I am having to "speak up" or watch....we have an amazing staff and a great bunch of commissioners. This is a truly wonderful feeling and a stress that is lessened and a job that is more than worth doing. Thanks be to God. It is amazing. They are amazing!

Day 281: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

I can hardly believe that it is Sunday already..but it has actually been a weekend this weekend and I am very grateful! I have been able to get the house a little cleaner, catch up on some sleep and do some projecty stuff that I have not been able to attend to as well as have a little time to just relax...pull out the monasatary seats, stretch, pray, dance..and enjoy this amazing weather and be at home! :) It has been nice!

Thursday I ran the loop and posted it as a video without posting on the blog. I had a particularly aggressive day with the blogger boohead..but I had a great moment of clarity and let the run run it off for me! Here is the vid again:





After the run, i felt so good and felt so much relieved from my shoulders and heart. I allowed myself the room to feel the good and the change that is in my life and it was really wonderful!

I spent Friday evening just relaxing and Saturday, I got up and did a run around the university this time instead of the loop at wrightsville beach. Since i discovered that the uni was exactly 3 mile around on the perimeter, the run makes for perfect practice for up and coming 5k races and with the time changing and light getting less in the evening, it is a much safer place to run than in the neighborhood or even wrightsville beach.

I did not really increase my speed any, but I had a nice pace and it felt good. I have noticed that it, like the eliptical and other exercises that I have done, takes a few minutes in before I can be sure I am going to make it. Usually I want to stop or turn around in the beginning..but pushing through it begins to feel better and then it feels as though I could go forever! it is really cool!

Anyway, got to hang out a little with Adam and his girlfriend Diana and their friend form charlotte this morning and look at a project we may do togther. Not much about it yet, but what is really cool is that there is nothing but possibilities in my life today and there is so much that can be done with not on this health..but with this wellness that can be shared. I have so much more to learn, but so much to share. there is a calling and I have to seek my way in how to follow that calling...stay tuned! :)

BTW: this morning I decided to video my cooking..check out one of the best ways I taught myself how to cook an amazing breakfast without oil or butter. I love this breakfast...and it is part of the way I have learned and discovered ways to take better care of myself.



thanks be to God!

Day 277: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

got going late this morning and was actually 10 minutes late to the gym! OH MY! LOL! but it was not horrid..just the bed felt soooo good this morning and I hit snooze a little too much! :) but I made it!

Last night I hit a record for distance with 2.5 miles out onto shell trail running and 2.5 miles back..yep, that's 5 miles folks! it actually felt good and I think I was keeping a pace close to my 5 mile an hour goal..but i know that I was faster going out than I was going back...in part because i got lost in thought on the way out trying to sort out some things from the day. I swear that as I was running I literally lost my sense of place adn time and when I looked up I was back on cardinal drive in my neighborhood adn off the trail adn could not remember how i got there. I was that much in thought. The cool thing about that was that I was able to really work out things that were bothering me and connect. the bad thing was that I was not paying attention to my pace or time. the better thing was that I was free from the stress and worry of the physicality of the run! That was amazing! It was so freeing and I felt so free. I loved it.
Now according to my little ap on my phone (by the way, this I phone thingy that has certainly absorbed me into the borg has paid for itself and then some with these aps for my health and wellness with music, training etc)..I burned 329 calories out and 329 on the way back...damn near half the intake of calories for a day! That is AMAZING! so....i guess you realize that i am hooked..

But here is the blog for today...I am SO GLAD I DO NOT LISTEN TO MY OWN BAD TAPES or OTHER PEOPLE's EITHER.

Think about it..how many times have you heard others say "if you run you will hurt your back?" "I gon't run because it will hurt my knees" "I don't xyz because xyz will happen or has happen".. Well, duh...of course these things can and do happen...SOOOOO WHAT!

I have figured out that we..well I am my own best friend and my own worst enemy...we..I ..can talk myself into the best of things for myself and talk myself out of the best of things for myself as well!

I have had horrible..delbilitating back issues..so bad that I have nightmares about it. But I 1.) did not stregthen my core, gained over 160 pounds 2. did not take care of myself AT ALL 3.) rarely had any physical activity etc etc etc and I have hereditary issues. BIGGEST OF ALL..I never took the time to LEARN how to exericize..learn how to work out and treat myself well. SO DUH..If so fatso..I had a bad back! LOL! This is not to say I won't have this again..but here is the difference...I am doing what I am doing now becuase i have professional advise I am actually LISTENING TOO! LOL!..I treat myself and my back well...and I am doing things that stregthen areas that are macking the back less of a sore spot. My back going out will be less about running or exercise and more about age or incidental things..and I can LIVE LIVE LIVE and do do do! there is no reason for me not to now!

The same is for my knees. I did not take the time to get fitted for shoes? I did not take the time to learn how to run flat footed. To learn about pronating...to lean in..to learn how pace myself and streghten the areas and muscles around my knees to make them stronger. I can run by God...and while my knees do ache, I have sense enough to lighten up and do what I have been taught to make it better when it happens..and I can LIVE LIVE LIVE and do do do!

But Lord have mercy...if I listen to otehrs..or, if I get into my own stinking thinking..I can limit myself so easily and prevent myself from feeling this freedom..this feeling of..well, you get it...

None of this happens without guidance..without care..it is not careless..but it is also not so overprotected and filled with "I will nots or i cannots"...just a few "not todays..but I am open to seeing what I can do tomorrows"...Thanks be to God!

Day 275: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

back at today! Oh yeah! Don't think that being at the heart walk on saturday and making that milestone of 100 pounds is going to slow this one down! LOL!

But, to be honest, hitting milestones actually does inspire, but it requires making sure that I am vigilant.

Yes, there is no lie when I say I am loving this new life. There is no lie when I say I love the way i am eating. But, it has only been 10 months of change in a life that has been lived for 44 years in a certain way.

While I am certain, no... I have faith, that as I live each day, one day at a time, and take care of myself in each day, that I will continue on this path, I also am aware that old behavoirs and "comforts" can sneak their way back in..especially when I reach that point where "success" is so much a part of the day!

Last night, Michael and I went to dinner. Sunday was a great day to relax after such an amazing week...but also a week that was almost out of hand with stress (good and some intense).

In our talk about how the week went, it was pretty astounding how well it all went: the vigil, the parent tea, the oyster roast, the heart walk...all these blessings in one week! But also, there was the cyber bullying, the radio issues, and some negatives as well..and through it, I was able to get my exercise in and for the most part eat well. I did get this sinus mess and had to struggle at least on Thursday with exercise and I did call in sick for the first time with training. But, I was able to make up on Friday and move on.

What I looked back on though, was seeing myself grab for snacks more than usual...literally out of stress and seeking comfort.

I did not have potato chips or sweets, but i had too many of the healthier things I eat now. I am not being too hard on myself..it is a good, honest evaluation. What i don't like about it is that I was not taking better care just to chill and was grabbing "something" to quell me emotionally..see what I mean? All in all it was a remarkable week. I just keep on looking to grow in finding ways to NOT use food in that way. As a very emotional person, we have shared and I know better ways. The "need" to have something to fill, whatever, is still something I am growing with..and it is a part of this journey.

Today, I celebrate the success and not by having a pizza or having doughnuts or not working out or doing something physical or fun..but by doing those things that make me feel this good and that are achieving my goals.

Michael and I did, before i passed out asleep, go to Dockside on Saturday and sit upstairs and look out over the water adn enjoy some flounder and the beauty of the day..just quiet and together. That was such a treat and if felt so good just to relax.

Similarly, we went for a great bike ride on Sunday around campus..and then I went by myself for 15 or so mile at a fast clip. It felt great!

I cannot tell you what it felt like to look at the scale at home..the one that has fought be every step of the way..and see that digital read out tht said I was at 248..exactly 100 pounds this past week. It was amazing!

Today, I got going with a run in the neighborhood. Adam had a golf tournament, so I was on my own. I did 2.5 miles this am in 30 minutes! That was good time and it felt great! Had I known what time I was making I would have gone for the last lap that woudl make it three..but I had to get to work and was not sure what time it was. It was a good work out though. I might run again this evening if I can.
I did discover another great breakfast treat and it is even less calories than the turkey bacon sandwich at starbucks: it is the spinach, feta and eggwhite wrap at starbucks! OMG! it is so good and only 280 calories! I am soooo hooked on this one!

any hoo! It is all good and I am on my way still! I will end today with the vid we did on the trail for the heart walk! We are still on this journey and no telling where it is going to lead! I am so very grateful for the unknown..and knowing where i am right now!
thanks!
Be!

Day 273: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

So, I have been asleep since about 3:30 this afternoon. As you can imagine, I have a little cold after all is said and done..but nothing could have stopped me from enjoying the heart walk today, or the oyster roast last night, or for that matter, our first parent and alumni tea yesterday at work! Well, sometimes it just all comes together at one time! LOL! But abundant blessings are just that, abundant blessings.

Today, the heart walk, though, was overwhelming. Got to the track this morning at 5:40 a.m. and at 5:45 my first honors students arrived to volunteer!  The alpha phi's, the association of UNCW nursing students, the Honors scholars and AGD did an amazing job volunteering and the day went off without a hitch!

The gates were blown off with the number of walkers and the enthusiasm and the spirit of love and family! It was amazing.

My mother was able to be there along with Michael, and was able to walk through those gates on the walk with me! It was awesome and I was very proud! My mother's mother died of a massive heart attack and so today, we were able to walk together with her with us a well! But, just having a mother as supportive and loving as mine is pretty amazing!

I talk alot about being grateful..well, I just am.

Today, with my friend Louise as the chair of this event, a woman who lost her husband 21 years ago to a massive heart attack, who has led in this community, created a business that is unparalleled and NEVER not been involved with everything to help others (and helped and loved me), she helped to bring our leadership team to a new level of success and make this walk an experience for ALL that was and is astounding. You have to be on a committee with her to know how much care and time she takes to stay on top of things, to honor the work she is doing and the care that she takes to do the work well. It is remarkable and we are all blessed because of her. Her own journey in this is as much to celebrate as anyone's.

Ashley, one of the truest friends I have ever had showed that persistence and honestly preserverance can and does overcome everything...because as the day went on...survivors, mothers of children with heart disease, families who had lost people recently..I saw Ashley making sure that our Sammy, our "Heartie" our family of folks were there taking care of them and celebrating, remembering, and honoring them. Ashley never missed a moment to talk to each person, make sure they were taken care of and love and honor them. 

Then of course, there is Adam. His mother and father came with his lovely partner, Diana, and we all celebrated together. We remembered together his daughter Kayleigh who passed away a year and a half ago, a child that brought all of us together and started this process. In so many ways, I owe my life to that child.

I am humbled by my friendship with Adam. He is amazing and I was glad that today he got some recognition as well! Here is the raw video from a great story that WECT did on us:

http://www.wect.com/Global/story.asp?S=13334263




here is the video of the interview with me.

http://www.wect.com/Global/story.asp?S=13334263



and then here is the video of the story from the amazing claire simms! She is a wonderful reporter and i am glad we had the time to connect:




There is a video from the Heart walk itself, but I will publish this later. I am VERY tired and unfortunately I have a low grade fever right now and need to rest a little.

But this is just the beginning...the next steps are to take this to the next level and continue to spread the word about living heart healthy and maintaining that life! GOD, it is amazing!!!

Day 269: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

I cannot believe the heart walk is in three day and the oyseter roast is in two! the time flies and I am so excited!!
I hate that my head feels like it is going to explode from within from sinus pressure, but I am taking care of myself and actually for the very first time had to call in this morning and miss training. I had been woken up every hour on the hour by this head...and Adam was great about it and I was disappointed, but in order for me to get better, I gotta take care...

Anyway, last night, I now get why I was dragging. I felt this coming on when I was running. In fact in the video, I mention it:



It was a great run, and I am trying to employ those techiques that Adam talked about to get the most out of running. It is so funny how I can get so argumenative when I want to hear that I don't have to stretch beyond where I am! LOL! But I do want to achieve as much as I can and i am so grateful to have the guidance and firendship that will enable me to do this!

Now...for the rest of the week..I want you all to sign up and come to the oyster roast at Airlie gardens on Friday:
http://www.airliegardens.org/event_detail.asp?id=111
All the proceeds from this go to support the environemental education progams at Airlie

Then, sign up for the Heart Walk and come out and support hte heart walk!
http://heartwalk.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?ievent=332193&lis=1&kntae332193=9A242D133EEB4FB7AF6306317758BB76&supId=0&team=3696300&cj=Y

It will be a great weekend!

Day 264 1/2: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

I am not sure if these videos are able to be seen to folks are subscribers, but if you go to the blog, they are there. But I had to post these becuase they are very special.  Adam, not as a trainer, but just my friend, has decided to run with me! Michael has decided to walk the loop when we run! So, you can imagine how amazingly happy this all makes me...cause i get to do this new thing that I love and do with those I love. It is awesome!

My run today was and is dedicated to my friends Mary and Scott. Scott just finished his treatments with his cancer, and now folks know that my friend Mary is being treated. Scott is one of those rare individuals that you meet in a lifetime who with a steady, quiet, and wonderful intellect and sould combined makes a difference in the world in so many amazing ways. His process with his cancer is over and he is cancer free and i am one of many who selfishly celebrate this because I am absolutey honored to call him my friend and work with him on some things.

My friend Mary is a towering power of example of what it means to take just good care of yourself...she is an example to me of not only good health, but being just a good person. She has used ever spare moment in service of others and while this cancer has treatment her response was to me "I can't wait for us to run togehter". She has been amazing in supporting my journey and I am grateful for her!

So, tonight, as all this love and all of this good was invoked, we ran with these spirits in mind. Frankly, I have not said it, but rarely do I have a work out when I don't think or carry someone with me. When I fatique I think of those who suffered from heart disease and I lost them, when I am victorious in taking a next step I carry all those who have and continue to support me, and when I travel the different areas of Wilmington I think of all the amazing people who make it possible for all of us to have places to get healthy. Keeping my mind on so many wonderful people makes the works outs, the work almost effortless.

here are the videos:

Day 264: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

It has been an amazing week since I last posted. Sorry for the multiple videos and the message being condensed, but we have been traveling to DC with the students and so much has been happening.

We arrrived in DC for the Honors Lyceum on Saturday and I had about an hour before I took my first group out for a tour. I was so ready to run and fulfill a long standing dream to run on the mall, and off I went.




What was really cool about the run was that at the same time I am having this life affirming event, they were gathering for the march on washington to support the president and to stand up for the working citizens and efforts in this country! So, this combination of energies was just the rush I needed and was so very wonderful!

But the run was just the begining...I have been going on this trip and leading excursions and groups for a while. But this year was significantly different: No shin splints, no being out of breath as we went up capitol hill, and I was able to go out and enjoy things in the evening (not to late like the students LOL!) after a full day of walking and running around. This has NEVER been the case before. I have been so overwhlemed and sluggish and not able to do enough becuase of my health and weight and this time, I was so much freer and could explore so much more! It was awesome! It was also amazing becuase i had Michael with me and the energy was just plain good!
Now, mind you, exercise was amazing, but food..well...let's just call this a vacation and not dwell! LOL! I did really well on not eating candy and even found a place to sit down to eat when the bus stopped instead of fast food. But the snacks that I bought for the students were everyhwere and i was less than constrained. Again, it was better thant the five pounds of choclotate and potato chips that i would have eaten last year, but there were granola breakfast bars, gorp, and pretzel snacks and goldfish and i ate them. What I don't like about this isn't event the weight issue, it's that I was eating out boredom on the bus, or just eating..not because I was hungry and somehow, being away from home made it ok? NO, not at all. I did not dwell and kept moving forward and when we had meals i had the most incredible food at places, but i did not go overboard..just enjoyed the chef's work and loved the opportunity to try new things.  -


Right now is the busiest time I can imagine and the next month or so will be just flat insane. But I will make it one day at a time and will enjoy it, I just know I will, becuase i have discovered and uncovered putting my health at the forefront!

Here are just some vids from the trip of things we did. The last is my last run on the mall which was so amazing and so fulfilling. I just can't say enough about how amazing it is to be able to grow and continue to enjoy the world around me in new ways. I have yet in this life to have a time, but in particular, these last 22 years where I am not finding more ways to see how very blessed things are and ways to see and experience those blessings.





Thanks be!

Day 258: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

just ran three laps around the neighborhood...if my car is correct, then each lap is .8 miles, so three laps gives me 2.4 miles. I could have gone for the fourth lap, but it was getting on to eight o'clock and Michael had dinner for us! :)...oh, I'm sorry..did I just casually mention that I could have kept on running after 2.4 miles? Did I just say that I ran 2.4 miles after a 12 hour day? Oh yes I did, and it felt freakin' amazing! :) LOL!
In fact, I was bone tired when I got home, the last few days with the rain and the lack of sunshine, mixed with lots of stuff going on and intense amounts of work, have made for pretty stressful days. But going out and getting my mind clear and running is really amazing! It actually is a dream! I can hardly believe it is me doing it! It is yet another thing that if you had said to me that I would be doing this when all this began, I would have absolutely not believed it! :)
anyway...today is a short post, cause I am off to the bathtub...but thanks be! thanks be! thanks be!

Day 256: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

Saturday I went for a bike ride for the first time since the saturday before when I fell.
It was awesome to be back on the road..and while I definitely still felt it in my knee cap when I pushed down or encountered a little hill, it was good to put in the time and feel the recovery from the injury! It was even nicer to see that by taking my time, taking care of myself, but still showing up, I can move through something like this and live to do more for another day! :)






Sunday I took off for the most part and had a truly spiritual day with Michael..just really enjoying the house and aside from a brief moment of feeling overwhelmed by the garage that is still not emptied of its stacks of stuff to be gotten rid of, I let go and focused on our time, my time, and time that I could spend being at peace and the luxury of that and felt so much better! I also let the leg and knee rest as well and heal even more!

I fell asleep early and woke up at around 11 and could not get back to sleep till around 2am..so I got up this monday morning grumpy. It was not lack of sleep, just grumpy. Adam and I had a good workout and i was back at the Oxygen Express with slight modifications as I am still healing in my knee, and i am happy to say that I am not that bad after all is said and done. There really is healing going on from this!

This morning, I got up and went running..it was the first time that I have done that and it was really nice! I just stayed in the neighborhood and did exactly 30 minutes so that I could make it to work on time. I did three full circles around our private streets and after i got dressed I drove that and it was 2.5 miles. That is pretty great. I am still going slow to let my knee really get back to perfect conditon..but it is an absolute dream to be able to run! I have NEVER been able to do this and never dreamed i would be able to on a regular basis!
grateful, grateful, grateful!

well..today is work...Rotary..work...and then two committee meetings this evening! I am a lucky lucky man!

Day 253: Becoming Greater Than Through Love and Support: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman

I am healing up, but am still sore. It has been a "slower" week. I am proud to say though, that I did go for cardio on tuesday evening and did 30 on the elliptical, and then went for training on wed morning. Adam said my knee looked to swollen still, so he was going to "take it light"..yeah...on my knee maybe..but he busted my "tail" on the upper body with hard core drop sets on presses, curls etc. I love it when they say "light"! LOL! but it made me feel so much better than just lying around doing nothing...which these days would make me absolutely stir crazy!

Thursday I  was not feeling all the great about the leg..so I did take the cardio day off, however, this week it has been back to back 12 and 14 hour days, so it was not like it was a "day off". The nice part was that I did pretty well with my eating so i have not had a set back of any kind. The only red flag that came up was last night and it is something that I want to focus on in this blog...

2 2 years ago, i wanted something to slow me down..I was so wound up and I was so high strung..I loved wine and other things that would "knock me out". Well, I found out fast that those things were absolutely not gonna work for me and I have not had a drink in 22 years.

Well, without realizing it, over those years, when I have gotten the most stressed, the most "wound up" and when I get so I can't sleep, I try and "knock myself out" with eating. You know what I mean..you eat and eat and eat until you just can't move, breath..you just want to knap. It is that feeling after a thanksgiving or a Sunday dinner. The problem became that I got so wound up all the time that i was doing this daggone near nightly! Well, last night, I was so tired..beyond tired, and while I grabbed healthy stuff to eat on the way home, I also grabbed "veggie staws" and sugar free ice cream sandwiches..I ate two of the later, and two big bowl fulls of the former. I was trying to stuff myself to sleep. I realized it and stopped. But it was so amazing to see how this old behavior could so easily come back in to play..how quickly almost a physical need to do something to just cut my engine on could kick in and take over.

This month and next will be VERY busy..and I have to employ spiritual..and mental things, techniques, and opporunities that replace the "substances"..food..that, well, are just so easy. I have been doing them, i just must remain vigilant.

Part of my disicipline is to journal about what I am eating each day for my dietician. I admit that I hate to do that. It is like telling on myself. But at this stage in the game, with all this success, I am willing to go further..and to keep this going. This gift is amazing and I want to truly continue to "grow:"! :)

The very cool thing is that a pizza was not delivered this week to my house, m&m's by the pound were not at my bedside, and bags of chips are not empty in the trash next to soda. It is amazing and I am blessed!

Progress, not perfection...Progress not perfection.

Day 250: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

back at work today and walking upright like a real bipedal creature! It felt pretty good! lol! It was a little more than embarassing to have the fat lip though...but I just told folks that I got out of line with Adam and did not do the reps that he instructed me to do and, well, I wouldn't be doing that again! LOL! Of course that would be about the last thing Adam would EVER do, but it was kind of fun!
My knee is tight still and swollen, but I managed pretty well and I was itching to get back on the road, run, do something. I think, since January, this is the longest I have been without doing something...(saturday, sunday, and monday)..so today, I was ready! Adam and I saw each other at Rotary and agreed I would try the elliptical this evening and long as I would ice it down after...so that is where i am now...iced and laying here writing you! I did 30 on the elliptical it was not too bad. I don't think runnin would have worked today. Putting down to much pressure on the knee is still hard and I have to be careful.

What i am proud of is that I am pushing through...with care! There was a time I would have used this to stop..give up...or at the very least take a week or more off. Now, it is just not an option! I love this life and what I am doing and I love the results too!


I was a little paranoid about gaining weight sitting in bed. But I think I might actually be ok there too. I ate a little too much hummus and had my sugar free ice cream sandwiches, but I did not order in pizza or do anything to "comfort" myself while I was immobile. Feeding myself while I am hurt with something that would end up hurting me more just did not make much sense! LOL!


Anyway...I am looking foward to getting back to training tomorrow and maybe by saturday back at runnning!
Thanks be!

Day 247: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

well, the day did not start off the way I intended to say the least! I got on my bike and head for downtown. Today was "Walk a Mile in Her Shoes" an annual benefit for the Rape Crisis Center for Coastal Horizons. I have been priviledge to serve on that board for a number of years. Coastal treats mental health and substance abuse as well as Crisis Intervention with Rape Crisis and our Youth Shelter and 24/7 hot line. Of course, government will fund substance abuse and mental health treatment to a certain extent, but crisis intervention is almost all fundrasied and grant funded. It is astounding the amount of violence against women..AND men in our community, particularly our youth and these folks are truly heros. http://coastalhorizons.org

So, I was going to bike downtown and enjoy the day. About the time I got to the University and was crossing a parking lot, a transition from the parking lot to the sidewalk that has a step lip, well lets say the lip is a lot larger than it should be and I was thrown over my handle bars going about as fast as you can imagine with "bobblehead" playing on my I-Phone. I landed...literally on my lip and my knee. It stunned me, but I was able to pick myself up and walk my bike back. It was nice this time, because two folks passing actually asked if I was ok instead of going right by.

One thing I learned, however, today is that pain does not come immediately...but when you land on your knee at 12 miles an hour or more...pain will come lol!  I was determined to go to the event...and So off I went in my car. I am grateful for this, becuase I contemplated riding the bike still, but the chain had been knocked loose.

So, I went back to the house, doctored the lip...which looked very anjelina jolie..and headed out. As i got downtown, I was limping, but was ok. I was Stunned at the crowd. It was double last year if not triple and it was amazing!

I was so glad I came becuase the organizers, Lauran Aldredge and head of Rape Crisis, Am Feath and their committee had done such an amazing job!

I was asked to speak and did and then they were off!
I limped back to the car and realized this was a lot worse than I thought when I had a hard time getting my leg in the car. I went straight to my doctors. Long story short, they exrayed it and there is nothing broken, but I am having to stay off it a couple of days with ice etc.

Now..here is the part that I know will drive a couple of you crazy. I said at the doctor, who has been with me for years, that I was grateful and have repeated this a few times since. See, when I have been laid up in bed before it was because I got so big my back went out. I was so unhealthy my immune system was breaking down constantly. Today, I was in the office with a bruised and battered knee because of an accident while biking downtown after a week that I ran a 5k...and when they weighed me when I got there, I had lost another 3 lbs and my blood pressure was amazing! Yep...All the pain I am feeling right now...all the discomfort of this little bump in the road...I am grateful!

me and Crisis Intervention Director Amy Feath

event organizer Lauren Aldredge and our Sheriff, Ed McMahon

a father teaching great values to his sons!

Day 246: Becoming Greater Than Through Love and Support: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman

"true humility is the achievement of one's own excellence"
that was what an old monk in upstate new york used to tell us when I was in my early 20's. We called him ciggarette Bob..and he chain smoked ciggarettes and spoke in parabels. But he was one of the most influential people in my life at the time. Typically, what he said took years for me to get...and this statement took me a great deal of time and contemplation. I have learned that I am afforded excellence, but humility is knowing what is my excellence and what isn't. Even 22 years later, one of the joys of my life is still learning and growing in understaning that excellence as well as understadning some of my boundaries and things that lie outside of it.

Last night, I experienced something that I never dreamed would be a part of my life. I ran a 5k! I ran it with my friend and brother, Adam to the cheers of my life partner, my mother and step father, and friends...I experienced another "bucket list" moment that begins something new. Running is not my excellence...being an athlete is not my excellence...however, what is becoming more and more clear that is within my realm of excellence is exploring and accomplishing those things, activities, and behavoirs that promote health and wellness for myself. I can feel and see that those things are within my abilities now. It is pretty amazing and ONE DAY AT A TIME...like everything else, I have come to realize this.

I was saying to Michael though last night on the way home, I need to say, everytime I post though, that this journey is like all the changes that have come...it has only happened and is only possible because it three fold..it is inolved with my mind, my body, and my spiritual life. I have to think and believe, act in a physical way to do things differently, or to do things period, and I have to rely on and believe in something greater than myself...these things in concert..or at least as in as much harmony as possible in a given moment allow for the transformative in all things..not just diet and exercise, but in all things I want to see adn change....and believe you me, I have a lot of other things I want to continue to seek changes and growth in and for. My journey is not complete...that is another things I actually can be very grateful for!
Well, here are the vids that Adam took last night as we ran! What a gift from him..not only as my friend..but capturing this moment in time...a middle and a begining! thanks be!

at the begining of the race!

Day 248: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

so last night I decided to go to the loop before the Interfaith Hospitality Board meeting and see what if the whole running this was just an anomaly! LOL! It wasn't! In fact...I ran the entire loop this time and did not stop! All 2.4 miles! It was an incredible feeling!
I did a little vid to celebrate!


Now mind you, all my adult life I have honestly been jealous of runners. I have said repeatedly that i thought running was stupid...but of course the reason i said that was because I felt like I could not do it! Well, today, I feel like I can just about do anything. I am still a little wary of my back...and I am very much monitoring it...but it is amazing. That said...well, read on to what I am doing tomorrow night.

Today, I wanted to show a little of what Adam has me doing. This is the Oxygen express room at O2. Like I said the other day, you get on one machine...the music plays and you pound out as many reps as you can..it beeps...you jump on the bike...run at over 100 rpm (he has me at level 14)..beep..and then on to the next machine...and so on. We did a vid to show how this is done. He has me at high intensity and this is the second round. We did not do the whole work out...but it gives a good overview of it! It is pretty amazing!..and I am very grateful!




I also truly love you all cause I look like hell in the morning! LOL! but I look better than the 348 pound man that started this and could not make it up the stairs! LOL!

I really am stunned every day and just amazed by this life. I am never stopped from finding something in a day that just makes me...well...grateful. I know, I go on..but it is true. Michael puts up with a lot from me everyday...but he knows like I know how very blessed we are...and I am so blessed because of him! I am also blessed with the support and love from all of my friends and Family..and my brother Adam...damn....what a guide in this part of the journey!

Tomorrow I am doing the Historic Wilmington Foundation 5k....yep..I am registered and gonna do it....
I will have all of you with me every step of the way!

thanks be!

Day 246: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

wow..what a day..up at 5:45..got my butt in gear and got to the gym...as soon as I hit the door. I turned tail and went back out and hit the street and ran again. It was great. The first time Adam ever had me try and run, back months ago, I could barely get down the sidewalk to the first traffic circle from the gym....today, I left and not only did I pass that traffic circle, I kept on going and got almost to the end of the road at Eastwood and the only reason I turned around was I knew i had to get back to train! :) I arrived at exacty 6:58 am and was ready to go!
The only soreness was a little in my hip and some in my right knee. Otherwise, I was good to go!
As I said last week, Adam said this week started a whole new level for me and us. I have seen this "oxygen express" room the whole time. In fact we have been in there a few times to used the machine. Basically, the music overhead plays a few minutes and then theres a beep..when it beeps you have a few seconds to go to the next machine..and you do this for 30 minutes. Adam got me set up on the machines..I think there were 12 of them, working everything you can imagine. In between each machine I have to do the bike to keep my heart rate up and I have to be at level 12 (then 14) and keep the bike at over 100 rpm's....oh boy! this was the butt kicker extraordinaire! Let me tell you! I was drenched getting set up...but then...doing the routine..moving from one to the other..never stopping and doing as many reps as possible was..well, intense. When I got done it was 7:40 and we decided to try and get in round two..and I almost made it...just shy a couple of machines! Like I said, it was amazing!
So, it looks like this is where I am going to be for this week and maybe longer...
I also signed up for my first 5k..it could not have been more perfect..NC Public Health for goodness sake! I am really looking forward to it!

Environmental Health & NCPHA 5K & Urban Hike | Wilmington, North Carolina 28401 | Tuesday, October 26, 2010 @ 6:30 PM

http://www.active.com/running/wilmington-nc/environmental-health-and-ncpha-5k-and-urban-hike-2010

one day at a time! :)

anyway! I am pooped!
thanks be!

Environmental Health & NCPHA 5K & Urban Hike | Wilmington, North Carolina 28401 | Tuesday, October 26, 2010 @ 6:30 PM

http://www.active.com/running/wilmington-nc/environmental-health-and-ncpha-5k-and-urban-hike-2010

Day 245: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

Today has been awesome! I got up and had a quick breakfast with Michael and then I headed off to the beach for a new day for cardio that Adam has wanted for me....
but first...I took this vid the other day on the trail! I love it and wanted to share! I wish everyone would get out and find out what I have found in this amazing new experience! I know..it did not start out this way..but it is greatest feeling now!




But now, today. Adam, on Friday said that he wants me to really think about adding running to my routine...not just the tread mill, but really running and as a goal, he wants me to do a 5k. So he sent me this great Couch to a 5 k program. Well, today, I biked to the Loop in Wrightsville beach and wanted to see what I could do:


I honestly did not know how far I could go and the few miles to the beach on the bike had helped to get me warmed up. But when I got started, it did not feel so bad, and at least I was passing those folks who were walking! LOL! :) but it was working..so as I went, I kept setting new goals..from counting breaths to then saying I was going to make it to the first bridge..and I did! :) when I got to the first bridge, I walked across and wehn i got to the other side, I took off running and set a goal to get the next bridge without stopping..and daggone if I did not make it! So, I walked across it and enjoyed the amazing view and then when I got to the other side made a goal to get back to the place i left my bike..and well, here are the results:



Well, it was amazing and I do not think I have ever felt so accomplished! I got on my bike and boy was I feeling it, but I did a full loop...then I did my military cutoff and back home...wow!

what an amazing run! I am looking forward to so much more...of course..right now, I am looking forward to an epsom salt bath! LOL!

but thanks be!

Day 244: Becoming Greater Than Through Love and Support: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman

today was amazing..but i have to admit that I had a momentary lapse in the "ungrateful"..I will get to that.
I got up at 5:15 am because I had an event at work and had to be on site a little after 7, so Adam agreed to train me at 6! It was such a great thing for him to do and I was greatly appreciative for him to give me that spot. Now, let's think about this for a minute. Less than a year ago, I barely rolled out of be to huff and puff up the stairs to get to work...this morning, I was making sure that I got to the gym so i did not miss training at 6am...and I was awake to do it! I did not even really think about it...but as I was getting ready to blog, it hit me what difference this is...which is why the reaction I had later in the day was a little, well, if not ungrateful..at the least a little unpatient!

Anyway, I got to the gym and Adam wanted to do the last day of this round of "big boy" exercises and see how I had progressed. the routine goes: 20 squat-curl-overhead presses, then 30 mountain climbers then repeat a second set: then 20 push ups, then 20 squat jumps, then repeat a second set: then 20 crunches, 20 bicycle crunches, 20 side to side crunches, 20 leg lifts, then 20 "heismans"..this is pulling a 50 pound weight while on one leg and then letting it guide me forward in a one legged squat..doing 20 of those on each leg, then repeating the crunches and heismans again. WHEW! Well, I finished the routine. I barely stopped during the routine and I have definitely progressed! I felt so amazing..and it was 6 a freakin' clock in the morning! LOL!

So, it was a great training and then off to the event at work that was so wonderful where our students just shone so wonderfully and the rest of the day was great!

well, I went to see Heidi at the dietician's office. I was convinced in my mind that I was 250 or below in my weight...that would mean since the last time I saw here on 6/29, that I would have lost over 26 pounds....well, when I got on the scale, it was only at 20 lbs and I decided....instead of celebrating...to pout!....well, I am grateful for Heidi, becuase she was not having that! LOL! losing 8-10 pounds a month is the way we SHOULD lose weight..and I have been doing exactly what I should..my body is reshaping..i am doing things I have only dreamed of..wearing clothes I have not been in in 15 years..and I am satisfied with the food I am eating! :) LORD..I am grateful! Well, Heidi has that "fat" model in her office...it is 5 lbs of fat...when it hit me that in the last 2 months I have lost almost FOUR of these:

Let me tell you...hold this for just a minute and it only takes that moment to truly realize how very grateful I felt...how all that self doubt..impatience and petulance washed from me and I was overcome with victory....inspiration...and readiness to do more..continue! It was wonderful..(in a icky sort of way)

It truly is greater through love and support..cause I started my day with the friendship of Adam...the guidance..love of a friend...and then there was the skill and knowledge of Heidi Kaufman and her amazing understanding of what I was going through as I am going through these changes as a dietician..and in between there were the calls from Michael...a lunch with a new friend..time talking to mother..support at work....those amazing students...wonderful connections with others....and of course prayer...and ending the night with dinner with Louise and Michael at Pita Delite and their generosity for the heart walk....damn....that is pretty amazing!

thanks be!

Day 243: Becoming Greater Than Through Love and Support: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman

Great couple of days, but I would be lying if I said I had not been freaking out a little. I am petrified of the dentist. Even though she is one of my closest friends, I just do not do well with them and it is a stressful event for me. So much so that I generally have to be knocked out to go. However, I do not drink alcohol and have a highly additictive personality so I have this catch 22 of also hating to take any narcotics. Dr. Miles, Sandra, perscribed me the valium for the appointement that was going to take 3 hours yesterday..and I was ready to take them. A couple of nights before somethign happened where I remember a family member who had been severly additcted, and not of her own fault at all given the time and circumstances of the way women in particularly were hooked on those drugs, to these pills, and it got me to thinking...I just don't need to do this. I was also dealing with a friend who is withdrawing from nicotine and as we were talking I shared with him my use of the serenity prayer and how, many years ago, when I went through another issue in my life adn in years since then, when I have gone through things that I just could not or felt I could not handle on my own, that prayer literally saved my life. Funny..or not so funny how things come up when you need them. So, I said it, and I used it and i showed up for my dentist appointment and not only did I get through it..I laughed during that apppointement..I took pictures..I actually had a good time..if such a thing could happen in a dentist chair! But seriously..I saw the blue sky about the beautiful chruch across the street..I saw sandra's blue compassionate eyes..I felt the warmth of everyone in that office..all becuase I got out of my fear, turned it over to somethign greater than myself and let go...

I say all this, becuase so much of this journey has been about that..saying the serenity prayer..that wisdom..courage, strength..acceptance....becoming GREATER THAN..through love and support. God...a higher power working through others and really seeing it..still....in news ways everyday..in such beautiful ways.

This week has been abundant in this. I have seen it in an old friend who is now a Lutheran minister (and Lord knows from our college days he has grown! LOL!) but he has always been such a loving person and this week, he shared somethign that was EXACTLY what I need to share with others about so much fo the hate I was seeing in the world. My own mother had an experience, that while frightening, showed how much love was around her, in neighbors, my step dad, michael and the amazing staff at New Hanover, I saw it in my Rotary from someone who is so different than myself who honored me..but saw how we were alike..I saw in work from my students as they spent so much time writing thank you notes to their donors for their scholarships, I saw it at home when Michael went and got us dinner after I spent those three hours in that chair..such a simple, but loving act....
Damn, It is such a blessing to see all this love and all this goodness...and it is there...It can be so hard to see somedays because of all the mess in the world..but it is there...and I have not even captured it all!

Thanks be..Thanks be to God!
Thanks Be for the serenity Prayer!
God grant me the serenity


to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.




Amen.



--Reinhold Niebuhr

Day 240: Becoming Greater Than Through Love and Support: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman

Snacks are just plain evil if I let them and lately I have let them! Oh, don't worry, I am not eating chocolate bars and cheetos like i used to, but at the same time, I am eating too much of the good stuff in my life and frankly, that mess can sneak up on me as well. Here's why....Part of my issues all along have been eating constantly and eating the wrong stuff. Well we got rid of the wrong stuff, but I stilll have this "eating constantly" thing that rears its ugly head every so often. A lot of it has to do with stress and some of it has to do with my physological reaction to the foods I am eating. Yep, I have learned that when I am eating things that I like and there is this great combination of salt and fat, I am likely to just want to eat more and more all daggone day! What I am learning through all of this is that if I am going to eat something that has that combo (like hamburger and a salad with my favorite lowER fat ranch) then I have to be prepared to STOP myself from eating all day...and taking care of myself...maybe chewing gum after to stop the taste..even rinsing my mouth out with listerine..yep..you heard me. Folks, I am learning and I have shared before that I can have a lot, but there is a physical reaction. So, if I am going to choose to eat things that give me cause to want to eat all the time, well I gotta do things to take care of Bo!

The stress part, well, that one is a little trickier, becuase I am sometimes not aware of my stress until I am in the thick of it..usually on my third snack of hummus and crackers or my second helping of pretzels and lowER fat ranch...or my second bowl of sugar free ice cream...all of which if done ONE of ONE in ONE night would be fine, but two or one of each in a night...that ain't helping ontop of a meal :)

Bottom line...food don't fill the emotional...don't fill the stressful..don't solve problems...don't make anything better....and I am a lot better today for knowing that!

Now, throughout my little snack attack this week..I have worked my butt off in my exercises and I am proud of myself for that! I in fact..I bought 40 inch waist pants this weekend..did you hear me..40 inch! Pretty amazing for someone back in January who was pushing out of 54s! :) I am stunned by them..and so very grateful! So very grateful!

I am ready for a great rest of the week!
thanks be!

Day 236: Becoming Greater Than Through Love and Support: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman

I hope everyone survived the storm of Earl!LOL! I hate to treat it lightly because I know we dodged a bullet, but it was truly a non-event that you would have thought was the second coming given the news nationally. I am so grateful for our local WECT cause they always keep it in perspective and always have and help to keep us calm...even when it is serious. We still have a ways to go. but for today, I am grateful.
I left work on thursday and headed for the gym because I had a dinner I was expected at around 6. Regardless, I had to get in my cardio. I got in and did 6 minutes on a new machine Adam had shown me..the rowing machine. Frankly, it is a tough one, keeping it at the level he wanted me to, but I actually like it. The way they have the machine positioned upstairs you look out over the gym,but more importantly, it looks out of the windows. It was great. I could well imagine that I was "rowing" outside! Adam had me do five minutes and that was tough when I first tried it..so that was my goal..but I counted my breath like I did on the elliptical and was not through with 300 so I stayed on until I was over 6 minutes.

I got off and got on the ellipitcal and then went to my level 15 adn stayed above 7.5 miles an hour on that one for the rest of the 30 minutes. I was able to knock that out, get home, get dressed and get to the Hilton and it was only 6:30 when I arrived! not bad! :) and I burned over 400 calories on the elliptical alone! :)
I was happy though because I made sure it was a priortity and by doing so I was still able to to do the other things I had planned!

This am I got in and Adam knocked it out of me! We had a great work out and I got through the whole routine with abs included! I was really happy with that and I think he was too! I have to get my but down though more on my pushups with side rotations. I will work on that!

I am looking forward to a night in the gardens tonight!

thanks be!

Day 234: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman

I think I am always going to miss tuesday on this blog as it is the biggest day of the week for meetings after work and then rotary. But I have to share the most amazing feeling that happened at rotary yesterday. first, I love rotary becuase it's motto is "service above self" and the group that I am in, well, we have radically differing views, but we have great discussions and we are all focused on service. So regardless of our differences, we are bound by our committment to others and our community. It is almost as if the teabaggers don't exist in this world. There is a real appreciation of differing veiwpoints and care and concern for what we can do to make things better. It is very special.

Well, at the meeting the governor and assistant governor of the district were visiting. Don, the asst. gov. asked me to stand up. I was not sure why, but I did as I was asked. When I rose, he also asked Colonel Anderson..Andy to stand...and then from a sheet in front of him, he began to read that Andy and another donor had donated an amount in my honor to be a Paul Harris Fellow because he and they believed I lived up to the ideals of Rotary. Folks, you could not imagine how stunned I was. First, being surprised by such honor was mind blowing. I know I will hear about this, but I still don't always feel "worthy"...but to have that recognition was..well, stunning. the other part was that this came from someone I thought did not see me in this light.  But ever since I joined Rotary I have come to know this person and the work he has done. It is something I revere now and while we have very different views on some issues, I see someone who has dedicated his life to helping others and someone who has an enormous enthusiasm for Rotary. So, this honor coming from him reminded me, and frankly that is why I am sharing it, that I can NEVER shut down on someone because we may disagree. I was told years ago that if I shut down on someone..shut them out, it may be the very person that is holding out a hand I cannot see that could save my own life. We can learn from ALL and we can grow in knowing each other. It is a blessing that I am glad I was able to see and experience....and frankly, the new health I have been experiencing and this life of wellness has enabled me to really and truly be present.

I got going to the gym this morning. Adam had the big boy exercises for me today as well, but I got psyched out by the scale at the gym. On Friday that messed up scale said I was 253 and today it said I was 256. Now, nevermind that that means..even at the higher number that I have now lost 92 pounds....I was so stuck on the possibility that I had gained something I could hardly hear being reminded how messed up that scale is. I let it get me off so badly that it was hard to concentrate...at first. But I got going and decided to push through...I knocked out the 2 sets of 20 squat, curl, and over head presses with 20lb dumbells, 20 squat jumps, 2 sets of 20 push ups with reaches, 2 sets of mountain climbers...and then Adam said "let's have fun!". I was introduced to the rowing machine upstairs. Aside from falling off the seat like a dumbbunny....I made the 5 minutes that he wanted at the rate he wanted. Then i got to do stairs..running, not walking....5 times twice...and run and jump up and down the ladder (hell's hopscotch!). So, regardless of the scale, I put it out and did my work out! It was great.

I had to the go the dentist and got very bad news. However, my dentist, who is one of my friends and someone I love very much, made me feel much better. On tuesday, I will have three hours in the chair.

When I got home, with the storm in the air, concern about my teeth..I wanted to eat..and eat a lot. So, here I am writing instead. I have been able to take care of myself lately, but I have to make sure I am staying honest about wanting to feed my stress. This is one of the busiest times of the year and there is a lot of pizza and other things around me all the time...but its the rush...the stress that reallly makes me stay on top of my eating.

All in all, it is was two great days!
thanks be!

Day 232: Becoming Greater Than Through Love and Support: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman

perfect start to the day..up and at em and off to the gym. Course, we are doing the "big boy" exercises...but it feels good. Maybe if the two of us weren't like two Yenta's talking so much on Monday morning, we would have gotten through the whole routine! LOL! but, I got my butt kicked regardless! It is so funny, I have been hyper critical of folks who stand around and talk and not work out..frankly as I have said, I just don't want to sit in their and smell it all day...but as I continue, it really is easy to really enjoy it. But, staying focused...staying focused! LOL!

I have been batching it for a few days and willl be this week as Michael is at a conference. It is funny that after all these years, I miss him more now when he is gone! But, I was really having a good morning because yesterday I took a day just for me with the house to myself. I stayed in bed till noon, then got up, cooked for me, went to the grocery store, did somethings I enjoy and even got some cleaning done I have not been able to get to lately. It was heavenly. I did not think I would ride my bike or anything this being a "day off'..but abouty 7pm I got to thinking about how much I really enjoy riding my bike..LOL! funny, it is not a chore to do cardio when you live in a place like this and there are such great placed to ride. So, having a day "off" does not mean not doing something physical...it just means that I get to do what I love! :)

I was also thinking about what a "a day off" meant less than a year ago...off to bojangles for two..not one..but two chicken biscuits with cheese and a large order of their hash rounds..back to bed and watch tv. Then convince myself and Michael that since it was a "day off" we really should not cook..so we would go to Casey's BBQ or head out to a steak place...the latter meant an 18 ounce steak, stuffed potato and salad with blue cheese and 4 or 5 hot rolls. then back home..drag myself to do something..and then get back to watching tv..then, becuase of indigestion or just to much (cause i would have had at least 4 diet cokes)...I would snack or even order a pizza that evening. This is NO exaggeration...and it was NO way to live. I am stilled amazed I made it this far...I went at it so hard and so stressed that when I had a day "off" I literally wallowed in anything that would give "comfort"..the only problem was that "comfort" created HUGE discomfort and I was never really satifsfied or at ease.

I am just so thankful and the more I sit on our meditation cushions, enjoy our den, read in our library space, go out with Michael to places, do things that are engaging, but create so much serentity, the more I want moer of this life that I have today! I have been so amazingly fortunate over the last 21 years..but now, now I get to live even more and do it in such a healthier manner.

A day off is a Day ON...a day of living and connecting!

Thanks be!