these days I blink and a week goes by! I cannot let that happen without blogging for two reasons: 1.) because sharing this story one day at a time or at least as many as possible is part of what I said I would do to hopefully share the amazing gift that I have been given to others and keep the gift giving..2.) because i want to have record of the blessings in my life! Things move at such a pace, sometimes it is hard to take it all in and really appreciate how amaznig this life can be, even in the hard times. sitting down and writing this way really helps me absorb what is going and truly see what permeates each day in such rich and meaningful ways!
This past week with Adam has been extraordinary..I am doing exercises that i never in my wildest dreams would have imagined, and I know that it is the start of even something more! I got to thinking though that if someone came to the blog just now they might get worried or try to attempt things that are far along. I needed to remind myself and to reflect on how much has happened because of doing things in a correct manner this time. By gradually building up my small muscles, and then beginning to work on larger muscles, while doing cardio in between the training, I have been taught how to get this far. I am so glad that Adam has started an Online training program and folks can access that from his site if they cannot do personal training in person. It really is the only way I could have this success and be this health today. Every attempt I made before failed because I tried to do exercises that were way too advanced. I would either hurt myself or give up because it was just too hard. I know I have said this before, but it bares repeating because I think many of us have that "all or nothing" attitude and we don't know what limits we have or what heights we can reach. Having a guide to move me through this has been essential for it to be successful and I am beyond grateful it has been someone that I can truly depend on and trust, but someone has become such a good friend.
This week I was allowed to volunteer and be a part of the Harlem Globtrotters All Star event and was around my hero, Meadowlark Lemon. Dr. Lemon is originally from Wilmington and while I had met him a couple of times volunteering for a tournament, I had never had the opportunity to sit and spend time with him. His story is one of the most inspiring around..16,000 basketball games, in the hall of fame three times, and is one of the most spiritual people I have ever encountered. Someone at one of the events this week asked him if he remembered the milk delievery company here in Wilmington. Meadowlark smiled and shook his head and said. "man, we didn't have no milk..only mile we had was in a can and you added water to it". This was just one of the ways that he shared how he came up. Poor in material goods. But he talked about seeing the Harlem Globtrotters on a movie reel on weekend and it was at that show that he knew what he was going to do. He said that his first basket ball was a carnation milk can and the basket was an old flour sack on a wire. He developed his famous hook shot working on that. It took him eight years after he saw that film, but he had his try out in raleigh and he made the team...six decades later, he is still going strong at 77 years old.
He talked about having a "vision" board. Literally writing down what it is that you want and want to be and seeing it each day....and believing that it will become a reality. As i listened to him talk about this I thought about Andy, Woody, Connie, those who had changed their lives physically before me and how I made that a goal in a similar way...and it is coming true. But I am going to make a vision board in a more phyiscal way. I like that as a tool! It has been awesome listening to him and learning from him this week.
today was beach sweep with the Honors Students and while i was not able to do cardio, when I went out on the beach to take pics of the students, I jogged..yes jogged back to where we were providing lunch for them! I think I did a little over a mile..maybe two..but what was pretty cool was how I was able to keep at it!
this has been a great week! thanks be!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Day 225: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman
monday!
It has been a roller coaster today of amazing highs and intense emotions..I guess that is just the nature of the beast these days...
I got up this morning around 5:30 am after having been in bed for about 16 hours..yep, you heard me..16 hours. I crawled into bed after making sure michael's fever was down and he was fed Sunday and literally went out...it was one of the hardest sleeps with lots of dreaming that I have had in a while and I have to admit it felt VERY good!
I got up and went in to the gym early and got on the elliptical. Instead of the usual 10 minutes to warm up, I did 20 at level 15 at 7.5 plus miles and hour...I really got going. It was exactly 7am when I stepped off and Adam-the-bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed one was there and ready to go. He had great things in store for me and started by telling me to grab the 25 pound weights and follow him. I did and he had me doing squats, curl, over head presses with them...20 of them! followed by a new joy....where you get down like you are doing a push up and then move one foot forward and then back like running in place with one's butt in the air! now, that felt good...and this one was at 30. then repeat. then I was to do 2 sets of push ups with alternating lifts into the air with each arm...so, I did a push up..then while on one arm, I pointed the other arm into the air while turning my body that way! I was astounded that i could do them...and i did! he then had me do squats, but this time, as I came back up, I was to jump in the air as high as I could! Now mind you, had I tried this when I began, I would have broken my knees! again, it was astounding. He then had me do more and more....you get the picture. Somewhere along the way, he had the temerity to say "now, you are doing "big boy" exercises" to which i looked at him and said "well, what the ......have I been doing!" LOL! but he was right and was proud...cause this was a new level and a whole new work out for me....and all kidding aside it was stunning to be able to do this! If you had said to me back when we began that i would be able to do this, I just would not have believed it!
It was really humbling.
That was just the start of the day...the rest..well, work..which was productive and filled with all the energy you would expect of a new year with students and the end of summer...and good things coming, then off to our commissioners meeting where we were, for the first time in a while, really bonded together on several issues, and while I got emotional, I was so proud of our advocacy for one of our neighborhoods in particular. I get so...well, disgusted by the racism, the classism, the stigma that is enjoyed by many...but it was clear tonight that we...we stood in opposition that mess and it was so good to feel a part of something that values the dignity of every person and worth! It was...well, it was good.
I left there and we opened the new softball complex that i have been on the joint committee with. It is such a celebration for working together, but more importantly, it is a celebration for so many possibilities for health and wellness and good things for our community!
then I came home to a solid hug and love and support...Jesus, how much more could I want in life.
But i had a complete breakdown when i was trying on a new shirt we bought last week. It is a size 17 1/2. I have not worn that size shirt since 1998. I put on the shirt and when i buttoned the neck without a struggle and sat down and the shirt did not strain, I literally just lost it for...literally. The whole months of work just came rushing at me and I was just so overcome for a moment of how very blessed...how very....well, you get it..right? It was a moment...and I am just so grateful! I pray for that moment for any and all who want it!
thanks be!
It has been a roller coaster today of amazing highs and intense emotions..I guess that is just the nature of the beast these days...
I got up this morning around 5:30 am after having been in bed for about 16 hours..yep, you heard me..16 hours. I crawled into bed after making sure michael's fever was down and he was fed Sunday and literally went out...it was one of the hardest sleeps with lots of dreaming that I have had in a while and I have to admit it felt VERY good!
I got up and went in to the gym early and got on the elliptical. Instead of the usual 10 minutes to warm up, I did 20 at level 15 at 7.5 plus miles and hour...I really got going. It was exactly 7am when I stepped off and Adam-the-bright-eyed-and-bushy-tailed one was there and ready to go. He had great things in store for me and started by telling me to grab the 25 pound weights and follow him. I did and he had me doing squats, curl, over head presses with them...20 of them! followed by a new joy....where you get down like you are doing a push up and then move one foot forward and then back like running in place with one's butt in the air! now, that felt good...and this one was at 30. then repeat. then I was to do 2 sets of push ups with alternating lifts into the air with each arm...so, I did a push up..then while on one arm, I pointed the other arm into the air while turning my body that way! I was astounded that i could do them...and i did! he then had me do squats, but this time, as I came back up, I was to jump in the air as high as I could! Now mind you, had I tried this when I began, I would have broken my knees! again, it was astounding. He then had me do more and more....you get the picture. Somewhere along the way, he had the temerity to say "now, you are doing "big boy" exercises" to which i looked at him and said "well, what the ......have I been doing!" LOL! but he was right and was proud...cause this was a new level and a whole new work out for me....and all kidding aside it was stunning to be able to do this! If you had said to me back when we began that i would be able to do this, I just would not have believed it!
It was really humbling.
That was just the start of the day...the rest..well, work..which was productive and filled with all the energy you would expect of a new year with students and the end of summer...and good things coming, then off to our commissioners meeting where we were, for the first time in a while, really bonded together on several issues, and while I got emotional, I was so proud of our advocacy for one of our neighborhoods in particular. I get so...well, disgusted by the racism, the classism, the stigma that is enjoyed by many...but it was clear tonight that we...we stood in opposition that mess and it was so good to feel a part of something that values the dignity of every person and worth! It was...well, it was good.
I left there and we opened the new softball complex that i have been on the joint committee with. It is such a celebration for working together, but more importantly, it is a celebration for so many possibilities for health and wellness and good things for our community!
then I came home to a solid hug and love and support...Jesus, how much more could I want in life.
But i had a complete breakdown when i was trying on a new shirt we bought last week. It is a size 17 1/2. I have not worn that size shirt since 1998. I put on the shirt and when i buttoned the neck without a struggle and sat down and the shirt did not strain, I literally just lost it for...literally. The whole months of work just came rushing at me and I was just so overcome for a moment of how very blessed...how very....well, you get it..right? It was a moment...and I am just so grateful! I pray for that moment for any and all who want it!
thanks be!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Day 222: Becoming Greater Than Through Love and Support: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman
So here is a topic that is not usual for this blog and may seem off topic...but it is not as what this whole journey is about is about our health and our health is three fold: Mind, Body and Spirit. But today, I have suicide heavily on my mind.
A dear member of my family by marriage took her own life a few days ago. It was a shock to me, but apparently was not a shock to those closest to her. This family member could not have had a better husband or support mechanism in her life. Someone, who throughout the years has been a personal hero to me. She, from what I understand got all the care, treatment and love that anyone with a disease could need, but in the end it was too much and it consumed her. She was manic depressive.
While I listen to the anger in the voices of those who grieve and those who are concerned for their dear, sweet daughter left behind and for my dear cousin who was such an amazing husband, I pray that the anger goes towards the disease and not towards her. She was a woman with a disease and to come to a moment of this action, well..I have learned over the years, it cannot be something we can ever truly understand.
In my experience I have been witness to a lot of chronic illness in alcoholism, depression, manic depression and the like. I know it to be a physiological disorder, and while yes, there are treatments and we do have responsibility..it is none the less a chronic disease. If someone is overcome by it, I can no more be unsympathetic with them as I would be a heart patient or a cancer patient.
21 years ago, I went through a major change in my own life. At the end of the first year, I began helping others (as it was a new practice I discovered that giving back was a great way of life..your given blessings..and to give them back is a reward in and of itself!) and I met Pete. Pete was 16 and his older brother who was 19 had been in and out of rehab and could not get it together. Pete's brother was chronically addicted and one night took a shot gun and with his toe, shot himself in the face. It was devastating. I walked through that with Pete and through my first Catholic Mass. The priest did something unpresedented in that village in the area, he actually held a mass for someone who had committed suicide, which for this parish and this family was not normally done (as this act was considered "unforgiveable"), and then he did the entire mass in white and with over 400 young people present in that parish that day, he talked about Pete's brother as a power of example in a positive way, of one who had stuggled with a disease, about how Pete's brother's life had a purpose and he had lived out his life and tried to do right. Here, Pete's brother's life..having passed was changing a church that typically would not have honored a service for a "suicide"..giving a message about drugs and disease to over 400 in such a small place and helping to heal a brother who was struggling with the disease himself. Pete's brother left this world and passed from the disease..but his life had purpose and meaning and while I cannot know for sure if his death had an impact on all those folks..he has, for the last 20 years been in my heart, my mind, and at times, my need to get through some very tough times and has in effect helped to "save" me!
It was at that time that I really came to believe that we are not capable of taking our own lives. I know..you don't have to agree with me here...but this is my belief based on my experience now. I am sorry, I just don't believe in the notion of folks being "selfish" or "wanton" in "quitting". For me, seeing what I have seen, until we are meant to leave, we ain't going no where. I have seen and experienced already so many who had tried...and I mean HARD to take their own lives and lived..some who ended up in wheel chairs or had to suffer some damage..but it was not their time. They had something else to do. For others..theirs was to go on..and it was for us to understand, to give compassion, to learn..to find some meaning. I truly believe that we are sought to find the best in each other in disease, in hurt, in what can appear to be the worst of circumstances. We are called on in tragedy to heal each other..to facilitate love and to make the best and see the best in us. I have seen it happend in hurricanes, in house fires, in times or tragedy...well, it is right that in times of chronic illness, we find that compassion too. The problem is that often with mental illness and drug and alcoholism we see a "sin" or a problem that is in behavior and we think that it should be fixed with meds or just "getting straight". Somehow, when someone does not get better or goes off the wagon, or commits suicide, they are selfish, wanton, or just lack the resolve. They are "sinners". We forget the very physicality of this disease. The issues that underpin the realities that lie in the body of a person who lives out their days..and while they indeed have respobsilibity..there are still realities the live with. Why then do we not have compassion for thier illness? Love? That has been my experiences.
I have not been close to my cousin's wife over the years..but the last two nights I see her face as though she is sitting next to me. I pray for her the peace of our Lord that surpasses all understandning. But for my cousin, my cousin's daughter, I am so proud of both of them for loving her..for being there for her during her illness, and her times of wellness. I know it cannot have been easy for them. They both have done so much. But out of so much love came a life lived well for over 20 years that would not have happened otherwise and, perhaps, after grieving, what is learned can help in the future as Pete's brother did for me. For being loving members of a family that struggles like all families to understand and be understood and I pray that her life helps others to understand and be understood.
We are all imperfect, fragile, but magnifcent creations of God. But not simple. I hope that anyone reading this that struggles with addictions and or depression gets the help they need. I serve on the board of one of the greatest organizations in our region that aids ALL who need help, Coastal Horizons. http://coastalhorizons.org/ Don't let it become unsolvable..don't let it get to the end. Our health is Three fold..mind, body, and spirtual!
I thank God today for her Life.....
A dear member of my family by marriage took her own life a few days ago. It was a shock to me, but apparently was not a shock to those closest to her. This family member could not have had a better husband or support mechanism in her life. Someone, who throughout the years has been a personal hero to me. She, from what I understand got all the care, treatment and love that anyone with a disease could need, but in the end it was too much and it consumed her. She was manic depressive.
While I listen to the anger in the voices of those who grieve and those who are concerned for their dear, sweet daughter left behind and for my dear cousin who was such an amazing husband, I pray that the anger goes towards the disease and not towards her. She was a woman with a disease and to come to a moment of this action, well..I have learned over the years, it cannot be something we can ever truly understand.
In my experience I have been witness to a lot of chronic illness in alcoholism, depression, manic depression and the like. I know it to be a physiological disorder, and while yes, there are treatments and we do have responsibility..it is none the less a chronic disease. If someone is overcome by it, I can no more be unsympathetic with them as I would be a heart patient or a cancer patient.
21 years ago, I went through a major change in my own life. At the end of the first year, I began helping others (as it was a new practice I discovered that giving back was a great way of life..your given blessings..and to give them back is a reward in and of itself!) and I met Pete. Pete was 16 and his older brother who was 19 had been in and out of rehab and could not get it together. Pete's brother was chronically addicted and one night took a shot gun and with his toe, shot himself in the face. It was devastating. I walked through that with Pete and through my first Catholic Mass. The priest did something unpresedented in that village in the area, he actually held a mass for someone who had committed suicide, which for this parish and this family was not normally done (as this act was considered "unforgiveable"), and then he did the entire mass in white and with over 400 young people present in that parish that day, he talked about Pete's brother as a power of example in a positive way, of one who had stuggled with a disease, about how Pete's brother's life had a purpose and he had lived out his life and tried to do right. Here, Pete's brother's life..having passed was changing a church that typically would not have honored a service for a "suicide"..giving a message about drugs and disease to over 400 in such a small place and helping to heal a brother who was struggling with the disease himself. Pete's brother left this world and passed from the disease..but his life had purpose and meaning and while I cannot know for sure if his death had an impact on all those folks..he has, for the last 20 years been in my heart, my mind, and at times, my need to get through some very tough times and has in effect helped to "save" me!
It was at that time that I really came to believe that we are not capable of taking our own lives. I know..you don't have to agree with me here...but this is my belief based on my experience now. I am sorry, I just don't believe in the notion of folks being "selfish" or "wanton" in "quitting". For me, seeing what I have seen, until we are meant to leave, we ain't going no where. I have seen and experienced already so many who had tried...and I mean HARD to take their own lives and lived..some who ended up in wheel chairs or had to suffer some damage..but it was not their time. They had something else to do. For others..theirs was to go on..and it was for us to understand, to give compassion, to learn..to find some meaning. I truly believe that we are sought to find the best in each other in disease, in hurt, in what can appear to be the worst of circumstances. We are called on in tragedy to heal each other..to facilitate love and to make the best and see the best in us. I have seen it happend in hurricanes, in house fires, in times or tragedy...well, it is right that in times of chronic illness, we find that compassion too. The problem is that often with mental illness and drug and alcoholism we see a "sin" or a problem that is in behavior and we think that it should be fixed with meds or just "getting straight". Somehow, when someone does not get better or goes off the wagon, or commits suicide, they are selfish, wanton, or just lack the resolve. They are "sinners". We forget the very physicality of this disease. The issues that underpin the realities that lie in the body of a person who lives out their days..and while they indeed have respobsilibity..there are still realities the live with. Why then do we not have compassion for thier illness? Love? That has been my experiences.
I have not been close to my cousin's wife over the years..but the last two nights I see her face as though she is sitting next to me. I pray for her the peace of our Lord that surpasses all understandning. But for my cousin, my cousin's daughter, I am so proud of both of them for loving her..for being there for her during her illness, and her times of wellness. I know it cannot have been easy for them. They both have done so much. But out of so much love came a life lived well for over 20 years that would not have happened otherwise and, perhaps, after grieving, what is learned can help in the future as Pete's brother did for me. For being loving members of a family that struggles like all families to understand and be understood and I pray that her life helps others to understand and be understood.
We are all imperfect, fragile, but magnifcent creations of God. But not simple. I hope that anyone reading this that struggles with addictions and or depression gets the help they need. I serve on the board of one of the greatest organizations in our region that aids ALL who need help, Coastal Horizons. http://coastalhorizons.org/ Don't let it become unsolvable..don't let it get to the end. Our health is Three fold..mind, body, and spirtual!
I thank God today for her Life.....
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Day 221: Becoming Greater Than Through Love and Support: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman
This week is off to a bang with school back in full gear! Adam was awesome to train me earlier that usual on Monday (at 6am) so that i would be able to start off on the right track for the week! It really helped me and I was able to face and enjoy the training and orientation for my new staff for the fall that morning and get ready for the semester and even make it to the final session for a retreat for the housing authority that evening..but i was POPPED by the end of the day for sure!
Adam had me doing drop sets again on Monday and I am doing better with them, but they are a complete work out to say the least! Tuesday morning I woke up and was from the get go feeling queasy and had a BAD stomach all day. I got dehydrated very quickly from the stomach issues (details not needed). The day was intense to say the least and towards the end, I I was nauseaus and just did not feel like i could do anymore. I had been to rotary, been to a training at work, been to something for heart walk..I was T I R E D..but i had to do cardio and since I still had a pulse, I decided that I would push through. It is amazing to me that, while I certainly felt the ill at ease in my stomach..by drinking water, moderating my pace, and paying attention to my distnace, I was able to do my ride and actually do well on it..I actually thinkt that it helped me becuase while I felt worn out..it did feel..well, different, when I got home and climbed into that epsom salt bath and soaked for a short while. I swear to you, if I ever thought I would "push through" anyting in my life, i would have told you all that you were big ol liars...but here I was..doing it!
Michael and I had a short time together and he got us a sandwich for dinner and then..well, I hit the sack..had great dreams..and while I am not 100% today..I am better and was able to get through training this morning and show up for the day! VERY cool if I may say and not something that I can readily take for granted. It is such a great feeling to not wallow or use the slightest feeling of being "off" to not take care of myself or treat myself to health.
They have posted the video of all of us on the Show on Sunday! It was so great to have this so that others might get insprired and get involved in this Heart Walk and changing their lives! It is amazing!
Heart Walk Interview with ByLine Wilmington 4
Heart Walk Interviews with By Line Wilmington
Hear Walk Interview with By Line Wilmington 2
Heart Walk Interview with ByLine Wilmington 3
A recent article in the Starnews makes us one of the fattest states in the country...well, we can do somethign about that! JOIN ME! :)
http://www.starnewsonline.com/article/20100819/ARTICLES/100819586/1155?Title=10-reasons-North-Carolina-is-tenth-fattest-state
Adam had me doing drop sets again on Monday and I am doing better with them, but they are a complete work out to say the least! Tuesday morning I woke up and was from the get go feeling queasy and had a BAD stomach all day. I got dehydrated very quickly from the stomach issues (details not needed). The day was intense to say the least and towards the end, I I was nauseaus and just did not feel like i could do anymore. I had been to rotary, been to a training at work, been to something for heart walk..I was T I R E D..but i had to do cardio and since I still had a pulse, I decided that I would push through. It is amazing to me that, while I certainly felt the ill at ease in my stomach..by drinking water, moderating my pace, and paying attention to my distnace, I was able to do my ride and actually do well on it..I actually thinkt that it helped me becuase while I felt worn out..it did feel..well, different, when I got home and climbed into that epsom salt bath and soaked for a short while. I swear to you, if I ever thought I would "push through" anyting in my life, i would have told you all that you were big ol liars...but here I was..doing it!
Michael and I had a short time together and he got us a sandwich for dinner and then..well, I hit the sack..had great dreams..and while I am not 100% today..I am better and was able to get through training this morning and show up for the day! VERY cool if I may say and not something that I can readily take for granted. It is such a great feeling to not wallow or use the slightest feeling of being "off" to not take care of myself or treat myself to health.
They have posted the video of all of us on the Show on Sunday! It was so great to have this so that others might get insprired and get involved in this Heart Walk and changing their lives! It is amazing!
Heart Walk Interview with ByLine Wilmington 4
Heart Walk Interviews with By Line Wilmington
Hear Walk Interview with By Line Wilmington 2
Heart Walk Interview with ByLine Wilmington 3
A recent article in the Starnews makes us one of the fattest states in the country...well, we can do somethign about that! JOIN ME! :)
http://www.starnewsonline.com/article/20100819/ARTICLES/100819586/1155?Title=10-reasons-North-Carolina-is-tenth-fattest-state
Monday, August 16, 2010
Day 218: Becoming Greater Than Through Love and Support: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman
Saturday as an amazing day and very different than the last eight years. See, at UNCW, we have a "move in" day unlike any other in the country. when the first year students move-in, faculty, staff, students, and community volunteers come out and move the students in..yep, 1700 of them come out, unload the cars of the incoming first year students and haul their things into the residence halls. Having been at Carolina where move in day was one of the most tense adn depressing days of the years..everyone fighting for a place to park, trying not to get towed, arguing, fighting over the elevators, and dying from the heat, you can imagine what the parents think when a swarm of volunteers descend on their cars and within 5 minutes ahve all of their child's belongings in the room and are back on the street to the next car! It is astounding! We also clap and yell and scream "welcome to Honors" as they arrive! It is really special!
Well, I ahve been doing this for the last eight years..I was a skeptic at first..but once I saw how this worked, I was hooked. But over those years, i was always embarassed becuase I generally could not find a move-n shirt that would fit me. And if I did..it was always to tight. I felt like the good year blimp out there and always felt like I was going to pass out half way through. This time..I was in my shirt..it was an XL..it fit...and I was awake..and full of energy and it was WONDERFUL!
The only bad part came towards the end when I drank, back to back, three VITAMIN waters..I thought these were like the sobe vitamin waters that I have been drinking since I quit soft drinks. OH NO!! turns out, that these so called VITAMIN waters are made by our friends at coca cola and they have..wait for it..33 grams of sugar PER bottle! OH yeah! so..as someone who does not eat anything except natural sugars in apples or vegetables, standing all day in 90 plus degree heat..guess what happened? Yep..left there feeling as though I was drunk and I had a MASSIVE sugar crash. I laid down at around 3:30 of 4. Michael could not get me up at around 7...and was out till 3 in the morning! I missed a very special event..and worse..I felt like an complete idiot for not reading the label....LESSON LEARNED1
It did not take away the whole day..but I really have to be vigilant about these things.
But, Sunday, I had to work to take care of things for this week and went in for 6 hours and then did a bike ride for 12 miles. it was great!
I am so glad I am learning and can share what I am learning. I know it makes a difference in my life. I pray it is making a difference to others! Life is definitely good and getting better everyday!
thanks be1
Well, I ahve been doing this for the last eight years..I was a skeptic at first..but once I saw how this worked, I was hooked. But over those years, i was always embarassed becuase I generally could not find a move-n shirt that would fit me. And if I did..it was always to tight. I felt like the good year blimp out there and always felt like I was going to pass out half way through. This time..I was in my shirt..it was an XL..it fit...and I was awake..and full of energy and it was WONDERFUL!
The only bad part came towards the end when I drank, back to back, three VITAMIN waters..I thought these were like the sobe vitamin waters that I have been drinking since I quit soft drinks. OH NO!! turns out, that these so called VITAMIN waters are made by our friends at coca cola and they have..wait for it..33 grams of sugar PER bottle! OH yeah! so..as someone who does not eat anything except natural sugars in apples or vegetables, standing all day in 90 plus degree heat..guess what happened? Yep..left there feeling as though I was drunk and I had a MASSIVE sugar crash. I laid down at around 3:30 of 4. Michael could not get me up at around 7...and was out till 3 in the morning! I missed a very special event..and worse..I felt like an complete idiot for not reading the label....LESSON LEARNED1
It did not take away the whole day..but I really have to be vigilant about these things.
But, Sunday, I had to work to take care of things for this week and went in for 6 hours and then did a bike ride for 12 miles. it was great!
I am so glad I am learning and can share what I am learning. I know it makes a difference in my life. I pray it is making a difference to others! Life is definitely good and getting better everyday!
thanks be1
Friday, August 13, 2010
Day 215: Becoming Greater Than through Love and Support: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman
Not loving Wednesday because
it means that the week is almost half over and i still have so much to do! Loving wed because the week is half over and I have gotten so much done! lol! yesterday was a marathon day for service and work, but it was a good day because I started out by getting my butt to the gym to do my cardio first thing. I actually think I may need to go up a level on the elliptical because I got to 30 minutes ok and it felt great! I am still practicing the breathing meditation that helps me not get to bored on the machine and I love it! I close my eyes when I get on the machine, start the music, make sure I am over 7 miles and hour and then I count my breath. Every time I get to 100, I begin again. When I get to around 300, I have done at least 10 to 15 minutes. It is pretty amazing. My mind fills with sounds and sights and I drift away. It is grreat. I don't focus as much on my muscles or the work and am somewhat seperated from my body. It is nice...I get a great work out this way and I am at peace. I am also not as focused on the clock.
I went to work, then a retreat for a board, then another board meeting and then a retreat/social for another board on a boat from one of our board members. That was an amazing way to end a very long and at times contentious day. Being out on the ocean with people who care deeply about others and the world around them is pretty amazing. Actually, I spent the whole day with folks like this, but this was an especially loving crowd. It was also a chance to focus on a sunset and to feel that peace of focus that comes from, again, just paying attention to the blessing around us. Thanks be.
When Adam and I got interviewed I was caught off guard to say the least. Adam had told Donn his surprise, but they got me on camera for sure. See, Adam has said he would train me for free until I reached my goal. Well, on the show, he said that he wanted to train me for life! It was so powerful! My brother and friend...so indicative of who he is and how much he and I have experienced over this journey and I have few if any words to describe what that meant to me. I have gained a new lease on life and a gift I am so very grateful for, but I have gained a true friend that I never expected and is a blessing I cannot even describe!
Thursday afternoon we all went for a bike ride to support the Mayor's "get fit" initiative. Bill lead the pack down the bike trail with councilman sparks, Josh Mello from transportation and planning, Chris O'keefe from the county planning department, and others. It was great and what was really fun was to not be all that tired after the run we did and want to do more! Unfortunately there was a storm brewing and I had to get my butt home.
Thursday night though I just could not stop eating. I did not have anything "bad'..I was just eating alot. I had to drive at a quarter of 6 in the morning to Raleigh to be with a family member for a medical procedure and in hindsight, i was just stressed and anxious. that is a real big one for me. I reach for things that will fill me...carbs: crackers, pretzels, bread..anything that will shut down the anxiety and help me to feel...or not to feel...and while I am concious of what I am doing, I am not either! It is a weird state of "self will run riot" or so I have read. No, I am not beating up on myself. 9 months ago this would have been a pizza, fast food AND a pound bag of m and m's with 6 diet cokes. But there is still progress to be made...there is still spiritual growth where the substances don't fill in the need...and that is filled by awareness, connection, sharing, asking for help. Each time I do this, it is..well, nice.
Today, as I said, I went to raleigh..and while the news was not great..it was not devastating in that there is still time and we have that time to share still..and the quality of life can be good. I even stood up for myself a little.
When I got home I did 17 miles on my bike at an average speed of 14 miles an hour...I kicked butt and it felt great. tomorrow is move in for the new students...another cycle begins...
Got a lot to be grateful for!
thanks be to God!
Monday, August 09, 2010
Day 213: Greater than through love and support: Journey with the Cape Fear Heart Walk and Adam Freeman
An astoundingly wonderful weekend and so much gratitude I can hardly explain or say how much!
After the little crash on thursday, I was very nervous about what was going to happen this weekend with my work out. I did take Friday off, but on Saturday, my birthday, I got up and did some errands and just felt like it was not right not to celebrate without a ride and doing my cardio. I got on michael's bike and went to it! I had such an amazing ride...actually did the full 17 miles and felt amazing! My wrist was in the holder, and I was careful not to hold the handle bars to tightly and just went to town. What an amazing way to celebrate my 44th birthday!
I got ready and headed over to Julia and Chrystal's to set up the party! I had asked a ton of people to come over and just celebrate our lives..but that they contribute to the heart walk instead of giving to my birthday! I was blown away at the turn out...in fact, I was just grateful that julia and chrystal were not freaked out at the turn out! LOL! about 72 friends! LOL! but it was amazing and everyone had such an amazing time! It was so awesome to feel so good..have a great time together an just be!
I decided I was going to have a heart health party too....gone are the days of sausage balls and heavy cream cheese and baked brie. Sorry, I jsut don't need and ain't servin it up. The the menu was exactly what I wanted! :veggie straws, fresh cherries, strawberries, grapes, tapenade, olives, marinated mozzarella, carrots, sugar snap peas, french green beans, mini turkey wraps, marinated shrimp and two kinds of hummus with toasted points and yes, for those that wanted them, black and white cookies and madelines with atlanta bread company brownie bites...but overall,it was good for you and good to eat! and of course..after eighth months...I got to have CAKE! and lord, yes..I had cake and am grateful for it! (can I get an amen! LOL!). and everyone seemed to love the food too! :)
and at the party, we reveled this:
The generosity of folks for the heart walk was awesome and it was so great! I have enough crap and trust me, I am doing this one again! :) after the party, my mom and step dad took us to dinner and what was so cool, was even with having cake finally, I did not over do..I just don't need to anymore! We went to dinner and it was my birthday. I had to the excuse. I could have had anything..stuffed myself. Done some really awful eating..and the worst of it was having some pasta with my grilled chicken when we went to dinner! :) It really just is not "celebrating' anymore if I am hurting myself!
After the little crash on thursday, I was very nervous about what was going to happen this weekend with my work out. I did take Friday off, but on Saturday, my birthday, I got up and did some errands and just felt like it was not right not to celebrate without a ride and doing my cardio. I got on michael's bike and went to it! I had such an amazing ride...actually did the full 17 miles and felt amazing! My wrist was in the holder, and I was careful not to hold the handle bars to tightly and just went to town. What an amazing way to celebrate my 44th birthday!
I got ready and headed over to Julia and Chrystal's to set up the party! I had asked a ton of people to come over and just celebrate our lives..but that they contribute to the heart walk instead of giving to my birthday! I was blown away at the turn out...in fact, I was just grateful that julia and chrystal were not freaked out at the turn out! LOL! about 72 friends! LOL! but it was amazing and everyone had such an amazing time! It was so awesome to feel so good..have a great time together an just be!
I decided I was going to have a heart health party too....gone are the days of sausage balls and heavy cream cheese and baked brie. Sorry, I jsut don't need and ain't servin it up. The the menu was exactly what I wanted! :veggie straws, fresh cherries, strawberries, grapes, tapenade, olives, marinated mozzarella, carrots, sugar snap peas, french green beans, mini turkey wraps, marinated shrimp and two kinds of hummus with toasted points and yes, for those that wanted them, black and white cookies and madelines with atlanta bread company brownie bites...but overall,it was good for you and good to eat! and of course..after eighth months...I got to have CAKE! and lord, yes..I had cake and am grateful for it! (can I get an amen! LOL!). and everyone seemed to love the food too! :)
and at the party, we reveled this:
the amazing Art that Donnie Wrights did for me that captures not only this journey to day...but hell, my whole life. It really got folks talking and sharing about how true this is for ALL of us! He is inspired! :) In fact, this journey has been renamed through this: from "see less of Bo" to "becoming greater than through love and support". Because we become greater through the love and support of those around us...and my journey is living proof and witness that Donnie so perfectly captured here!
We are seriously making t-shirts with this on them. Write me and let me know if you want one made. I will be putting the order in in the next few weeks. Having the light come through this was so awesome!
The generosity of folks for the heart walk was awesome and it was so great! I have enough crap and trust me, I am doing this one again! :) after the party, my mom and step dad took us to dinner and what was so cool, was even with having cake finally, I did not over do..I just don't need to anymore! We went to dinner and it was my birthday. I had to the excuse. I could have had anything..stuffed myself. Done some really awful eating..and the worst of it was having some pasta with my grilled chicken when we went to dinner! :) It really just is not "celebrating' anymore if I am hurting myself!
On sunday, I went to visit my dad and he had gone and gotten NC BBQ for me. Again, it was very sweet for him to do this, but I had such a good lunch eating fresh green beans, fresh corn, fresh picked tomatoes and cucumbers in vinegar, and a taste of the BBQ and two hushpuppies. Daddy was so funny cause he just could not figure why I was not putting butter on my corn..but it did not need it! Hell, i bet it was pulled less than 12 hours before I was eating it! It was great...and here again, I had every opportunity to just do what I wanted and my choice was to enjoy within the life I am leading today! I was great! In fact, I on the way home, I called michael and told him that if he wanted the left over cake, that was fine, but I did not want to be tempted by it, so put it somewhere I don't know about! LOL!
When I got home, I hopped on Michael's bike and did 20 miles! It was such a great ride and I felt so good!
Thankfully, Adam came back today (monday)..it was like a family reunion this morning! LOL! I had a great work-out with drop sets (remember those....you start at the highest level with eight reps..drop to the next level..do 10 reps..then drop to the next level and do 12 and try and do it without taking a break to keep heart rate up. We did leg press, chest press, and pull down..then back stretch and cruncher. Now the cool thing was I got up to 300 lbs on the sitting leg press...not bad! :)
off to work and it has been a great day! like I said..thanks be! right?
Friday, August 06, 2010
My Birthday Wish! :)
My Birthday Wish!!!!!
On Saturday, I will be 44 as you know. This will be the first birthday in many years that my waist size is smaller than my age! LOL. In fact, I am now 80 pounds ligther than I was in January! It is amazing and things have happened and continue to happen that astound me everyday!
Many of you know the story of what has happened through http://bowilmington.blogspot.com/, but suffice to say that because of my friends Ashley Miller, Kristi Tomey and my new brother and trainer, Adam Freeman, I have been granted a new lease on life of heart health and wellness that I have never had before. All of this came from being involved with and learning from the American Heart Association.
So, for this birthday (and frankly for all birthday's to come), I want to celebrate by having a party where all the gifts from others go to this gift, the American Heart Association..to keep on giving the gift of life to so many in the community around me and us!
I want you to help me celebrate by making a donation to this amazing organiztion to help erradicate heart disease and bring about health and wellness that I have been granted in my own life!
Do so for this, or honor someone that you know or have know with Heart Disease or stroke. Every dollar makes a differnece and helps so much!
You can help me raise funds and protect those you love by making a donation online. Click on the link below to visit my personal donation page where you can make a secure online credit card donation. The American Heart Association's online fundraising website has a minimum donation amount of $25.00. If you prefer a smaller amount, you can do so by sending a check directly to me.
Your donation will make a difference in the fight against our nation's No. 1 and No. 3 killers-heart disease and stroke. Thank you for your support.
Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support American Heart Association - Wilmington, NC
******************************************************************************
Some email systems do not support the use of links and therefore this link may not appear to work. If so, copy and paste the following into your browser:
http://heartwalk.kintera.org/faf/r.asp?t=4&i=332193&u=332193-236359844&e=3615511715
******************************************************************************
love, light, and life!
Bo Dean
On Saturday, I will be 44 as you know. This will be the first birthday in many years that my waist size is smaller than my age! LOL. In fact, I am now 80 pounds ligther than I was in January! It is amazing and things have happened and continue to happen that astound me everyday!
Many of you know the story of what has happened through http://bowilmington.blogspot.com/, but suffice to say that because of my friends Ashley Miller, Kristi Tomey and my new brother and trainer, Adam Freeman, I have been granted a new lease on life of heart health and wellness that I have never had before. All of this came from being involved with and learning from the American Heart Association.
So, for this birthday (and frankly for all birthday's to come), I want to celebrate by having a party where all the gifts from others go to this gift, the American Heart Association..to keep on giving the gift of life to so many in the community around me and us!
I want you to help me celebrate by making a donation to this amazing organiztion to help erradicate heart disease and bring about health and wellness that I have been granted in my own life!
Do so for this, or honor someone that you know or have know with Heart Disease or stroke. Every dollar makes a differnece and helps so much!
You can help me raise funds and protect those you love by making a donation online. Click on the link below to visit my personal donation page where you can make a secure online credit card donation. The American Heart Association's online fundraising website has a minimum donation amount of $25.00. If you prefer a smaller amount, you can do so by sending a check directly to me.
Your donation will make a difference in the fight against our nation's No. 1 and No. 3 killers-heart disease and stroke. Thank you for your support.
Follow This Link to visit my personal web page and help me in my efforts to support American Heart Association - Wilmington, NC
******************************************************************************
Some email systems do not support the use of links and therefore this link may not appear to work. If so, copy and paste the following into your browser:
http://heartwalk.kintera.org/faf/r.asp?t=4&i=332193&u=332193-236359844&e=3615511715
******************************************************************************
love, light, and life!
Bo Dean
Day 210: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman!
well...typing is an adventure as I am in a wrist holder this morning! I have my first badge of honor from all this physical activity..no, don't worry..i am ok, but it was a lot of fun to go flying off my bike! I was coming down the street where I live and there was a mini van (and I have really bad mini van karma to begin with as I see those things as the 1st sign of the end of civilization) following behind me. I went to turn on the street in our development and I took the turn to wide and BAM..went to curb and flew straight off onto the sidewalk.
I think the worst part of it was when i hit the ground, i looked up and saw the two women in the mini van look right at me and they just stared and kept on going. So much for the good samaritan in Wilmington on a thursday!
Oh well..I was scrapped up and got what I have now been told is "road rash" (I feel so butch!)..and I am bruised..but after dinner last night...my left wrist felt like it was gonna jump off the bone and is still sore. So, my friend Bill brought me a wrist compressor thingy and I am doing alleve and will hopefully figure out how to work out with this thing like this.
But, I got up..hobbled to the house with the my bike, cause the chain came off, and got showered and went to dinner. While I had band-aided my elbow, it was a little embarrassing that I was "leaking" onto the table..oh well..again..how butch is that! LOL! But dinner was amazing. One person I care a great deal about has met someone that makes him very happy and it turns out he is a home-boy..se north carolina bred just like me and an absolute delight..with a heart to match. It was just nice to see them together and to see some happiness. For my friend who invited me, it is another living example that through what can appear to be the worst situations in life, there can be some really wonderful things that come out of it. We go through what we put oursleves through, mostly, becuase of our resistance to the truth, or our inability to accept who and what we are. In the end, if we are able to accept, to see our truth, to acknowledge our gifts, some really great things can and do occur. It is not unlike the working out and the vigor of this weightloss as it takes willingness, work, effort, faith, and a love of self. But willingness is the key.
I have marveled at these last 21 years that just by being "willing"..not willful..so much has happened. I have been "willing" to go back to school..and it happened. I have been "willing" to enter into marriage..and here I am 14 years later. I have been "willing" to get out there and be a part of things..and so much opened up. I have been "willing" to change..and change happens. What followed after the willingness was the footwork...the one foot in front of the other stuff. No rocket science. I pray that what I saw last night..there be a willingness to weather the good and the bad..willingness to be grateful...willingness to truly appreciate how very special it is to be loved and to be allowed to love someone.
Anyway..I am looking forward to the weekend and celebrating being 44! I love that for the first time in a long time, my waist size is less than my age!!!! now that is something to celebrate!
I think the worst part of it was when i hit the ground, i looked up and saw the two women in the mini van look right at me and they just stared and kept on going. So much for the good samaritan in Wilmington on a thursday!
Oh well..I was scrapped up and got what I have now been told is "road rash" (I feel so butch!)..and I am bruised..but after dinner last night...my left wrist felt like it was gonna jump off the bone and is still sore. So, my friend Bill brought me a wrist compressor thingy and I am doing alleve and will hopefully figure out how to work out with this thing like this.
But, I got up..hobbled to the house with the my bike, cause the chain came off, and got showered and went to dinner. While I had band-aided my elbow, it was a little embarrassing that I was "leaking" onto the table..oh well..again..how butch is that! LOL! But dinner was amazing. One person I care a great deal about has met someone that makes him very happy and it turns out he is a home-boy..se north carolina bred just like me and an absolute delight..with a heart to match. It was just nice to see them together and to see some happiness. For my friend who invited me, it is another living example that through what can appear to be the worst situations in life, there can be some really wonderful things that come out of it. We go through what we put oursleves through, mostly, becuase of our resistance to the truth, or our inability to accept who and what we are. In the end, if we are able to accept, to see our truth, to acknowledge our gifts, some really great things can and do occur. It is not unlike the working out and the vigor of this weightloss as it takes willingness, work, effort, faith, and a love of self. But willingness is the key.
I have marveled at these last 21 years that just by being "willing"..not willful..so much has happened. I have been "willing" to go back to school..and it happened. I have been "willing" to enter into marriage..and here I am 14 years later. I have been "willing" to get out there and be a part of things..and so much opened up. I have been "willing" to change..and change happens. What followed after the willingness was the footwork...the one foot in front of the other stuff. No rocket science. I pray that what I saw last night..there be a willingness to weather the good and the bad..willingness to be grateful...willingness to truly appreciate how very special it is to be loved and to be allowed to love someone.
Anyway..I am looking forward to the weekend and celebrating being 44! I love that for the first time in a long time, my waist size is less than my age!!!! now that is something to celebrate!
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Day 209: See Less of Bo: Journey with Adam Freeman and the Cape Fear Heart Walk
got up..put one foot in front of the other..and not only here am I, but had a good day(this is wed). Actually today had some milestones in it. So, I am glad I showed up.
I did hit snooze a couple of times (ok...8 times!)..so my plan to bike to the gym this morni
ng went out the window. But I did go to the gym. Even though Adam is out this week, I did my work out. I did 10 minutes at level 14 on the elliptical to warm up, then got busy on the bozo ball with 2 sets of 20 squats with curl and over head at 17.5 weights in hand, 2 sets of 20 push ups (and today seemed a little off for both push ups and chest presses in that I had to rest to get through the sets..but I got through!), 2 sets of chest presses at 90lbs x 20, 2 sets of pull downs at 110 lbs at 20, 2 sets of sitting squats at 210 lbs x 20, 2 sets of crunch machine at 20 at 110 lbs, and 2 sets of the back stretchers thing at 150lbs at 20. I felt good about my work out and then went home and got ready for work.
It was good to get back to the office after a few days off and with the emotional ups and downs, it was nice to have the focus. I had a visit from one of my former students from 2004 that I ADORE and she just became a PA and has a young man in her life. It was such a gift to sit with her and her soon to be fiance and just share their joy. What a blessing and so much love! It reminded me of why and how lucky I am to have the job that i have. Then another very special student we have had came in to share that she got hired in wake county and will be teaching this coming year. Just such good news and such an abundance of life to balance some of the issues around me..life going on..progressing and happening. God is good. Life happens.
Then I checked my inbox and there were two messages from two of my oldest friends...one from a spiritual mentor/friend/ someone I see and feel when it is the time I need to hear my soul, the other, my brother and someone I know as well as he knows me no matter how long it has been since we have seen each other. In both emails, there was empathy, sharing, and wisdom that touched me so much! One line from one of the email resonates so much with me "How can I be so happy and content, and so existentially sorrowful at the same time?" In this was what i feel sometimes....and I get it...and through this journey..not just the weight loss, but the last 21 years, I have come to hear and understand that there is this paradox....there are just some things to resolve...what is so amazing is that while there are things to be resolved, I am given the ability to truly embrace my life and feel gratitude.
I shared back that I remembered years ago a very simple, but wonderful thing I was taught when overwhelemed with my own emotions or problems. To pray that my higher power take those problems just far enough away that I could be still..at peace..enjoy..live. To visual a hand holding all that I could not handle..the burden that seemed to much, and hand it back to me as I was capable. See, I developed a true faith that I was NEVER given more than I could handle in a single say..so trusting that that hand would be there was..well.it was possible for me. I had forgotten that image lately..and yesterday when she shared that..I thought about it and prayed that he (I have that relationship with my God, but don't impose the gender on others..btw) take this..not away..cause it is not going away..I have to walk through this and these changes..but pray that I can walk through it, as she said with "grace and dignity" and with some peace..and as I saw that hand, as I have so often, I felt relief...or at least room to feel more and have a good day! What a blessing!
During work, I found out that the City Council had passed a resolution to name the Cross City Trail for my dear freind, Gary Shell. A truly visionary man, whom I owe so much too. An amazing person. Even though I had worked out in the morning, I needed to go ride the trail as a celebration and did just that. I cannot remember a time I have riden that fast and it felt so great! I broke down in tears of gratitude that I can have this opporunity in my life. I literally had to stop as "farther along" was playing on my IPOD. It is amazing how much can actually transpire in a day!
So, by the time I got home, I had a great salad, ate too many pretzels..but in the end, had one hell of a great day! Thanks be!
I did hit snooze a couple of times (ok...8 times!)..so my plan to bike to the gym this morni
ng went out the window. But I did go to the gym. Even though Adam is out this week, I did my work out. I did 10 minutes at level 14 on the elliptical to warm up, then got busy on the bozo ball with 2 sets of 20 squats with curl and over head at 17.5 weights in hand, 2 sets of 20 push ups (and today seemed a little off for both push ups and chest presses in that I had to rest to get through the sets..but I got through!), 2 sets of chest presses at 90lbs x 20, 2 sets of pull downs at 110 lbs at 20, 2 sets of sitting squats at 210 lbs x 20, 2 sets of crunch machine at 20 at 110 lbs, and 2 sets of the back stretchers thing at 150lbs at 20. I felt good about my work out and then went home and got ready for work.
It was good to get back to the office after a few days off and with the emotional ups and downs, it was nice to have the focus. I had a visit from one of my former students from 2004 that I ADORE and she just became a PA and has a young man in her life. It was such a gift to sit with her and her soon to be fiance and just share their joy. What a blessing and so much love! It reminded me of why and how lucky I am to have the job that i have. Then another very special student we have had came in to share that she got hired in wake county and will be teaching this coming year. Just such good news and such an abundance of life to balance some of the issues around me..life going on..progressing and happening. God is good. Life happens.
Then I checked my inbox and there were two messages from two of my oldest friends...one from a spiritual mentor/friend/ someone I see and feel when it is the time I need to hear my soul, the other, my brother and someone I know as well as he knows me no matter how long it has been since we have seen each other. In both emails, there was empathy, sharing, and wisdom that touched me so much! One line from one of the email resonates so much with me "How can I be so happy and content, and so existentially sorrowful at the same time?" In this was what i feel sometimes....and I get it...and through this journey..not just the weight loss, but the last 21 years, I have come to hear and understand that there is this paradox....there are just some things to resolve...what is so amazing is that while there are things to be resolved, I am given the ability to truly embrace my life and feel gratitude.
I shared back that I remembered years ago a very simple, but wonderful thing I was taught when overwhelemed with my own emotions or problems. To pray that my higher power take those problems just far enough away that I could be still..at peace..enjoy..live. To visual a hand holding all that I could not handle..the burden that seemed to much, and hand it back to me as I was capable. See, I developed a true faith that I was NEVER given more than I could handle in a single say..so trusting that that hand would be there was..well.it was possible for me. I had forgotten that image lately..and yesterday when she shared that..I thought about it and prayed that he (I have that relationship with my God, but don't impose the gender on others..btw) take this..not away..cause it is not going away..I have to walk through this and these changes..but pray that I can walk through it, as she said with "grace and dignity" and with some peace..and as I saw that hand, as I have so often, I felt relief...or at least room to feel more and have a good day! What a blessing!
During work, I found out that the City Council had passed a resolution to name the Cross City Trail for my dear freind, Gary Shell. A truly visionary man, whom I owe so much too. An amazing person. Even though I had worked out in the morning, I needed to go ride the trail as a celebration and did just that. I cannot remember a time I have riden that fast and it felt so great! I broke down in tears of gratitude that I can have this opporunity in my life. I literally had to stop as "farther along" was playing on my IPOD. It is amazing how much can actually transpire in a day!
So, by the time I got home, I had a great salad, ate too many pretzels..but in the end, had one hell of a great day! Thanks be!
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Day 208: See Less of Bo: Journey with Adam Freeman and the Cape Fear Heart Walk
I would say "it's that time of year", but I know that is only part of it. See, every Fall since I can remember I go through this seasonal down...it is just something I deal with and always have. But this year I am not sure if it is the seasonal stuff as much as some emotional things as well as stress from things around me. What i do know is that today and for a couple of days it has been "putting one foot in front of the other" and that is about as much as I can do.
What's really different? Well, I am exercising and eating differently than I have for the last decade or more, and while it has only been about 7 months or so, it is something that I am committed to. That means that this voracious appetite, this need to curl up and just sleep and watch tv...this desire to run to anything and everything that brings "comfort" is a choice still...but NOT an option for me this time around. So far today, I have over done it with sugar free ice cream and pretzels with low fat ranch...and yes, that does sound minimal...but it is the act, not what I am doing that I don't like. I don't need to eat or to feed my down with substances. By knowing what I am feeling and really addressing it, I can walk though it and maybe even do something differently this time.
On Monday I got up at quarter of 5 and headed out to Raleigh for a pretty stressful day. I was anticipating the stress..the drive and the effect on my back, the tension with a family member, and the concern I had for another family member and what was ahead at the appointments we were all going to. As we thought, the appointments were difficult and the end results were not good and told a story that held not an immediate end, but one that would have an ending soon..with a potential for pain and deterioration. I think it was the later that was the worst part. There is enough suffering...or so I think. It is frustrating not to be able to take suffering and pain away from others. I watch it with my own family and it is so...well, I feel my powerlessness. I truly know my own limits through this and have learned what I can and cannot do. Others' pain is not in my control. I know that. It, however, does not make it any less difficult nor does it make me less angry at times. I despise those who are so simple as to say "God's plan" without so much as a look at how we cause pain and those who are so hateful as to say "we get what we create" without a look at the compassion that we can give to each other and our world because of God. No, there is no contradiction there. Faith and responsibility. Inseparable. What lightens it is the love I feel from my God.
I have said often, suffering will be among the big questions I want answered in the next life. For now, I do have faith in free will and I have faith in the compassion and love that comes through us from Him. I do know is that there is nothing to be gained in taking on someone else's pain and making it my own..that is false and does not help those in pain..in fact it can exacerbate it by not being well and whole for them and making their pain a self-serving thing. There is also nothing to be glorified in being the martyr for "suffering" the loss of another. However, I can be there, show up, and take it like everything else...one day at a time with love always as the first thing in action and deed.
Sorry..got off on a tangent...
After we were done with the appointments, I went to Whole Foods and got good things to eat...too much of it...but I got things that would be healthful. I started back on the road and made a call to Michael and then my mom and then just spent the drive back thinking. I decided when I got back that I needed to do my work out like a regular monday. I was on my own on this since Adam was not here on monday, but when I pulled in I went inside, dressed out and got on my bike and headed to the gym.
I got in and was proud of myself...I did 2 sets of bozo ball squats with curl and over heads with 17.5 weights x20, I did two sets of 20 push ups, 1 set of 12 planks on 17.5 weights with the pull ups (pulling each weight up once on each side while in the position of a push up), 2 sets of 20 sitting legs squats at 210 pounds, 2 sets of 20 chest presses at 90lbs, 2 sets 20 of pull downs at 110 lbs, 2 sets of 20 crunches on the machine at 110 lbs, 2 sets of 20 back stretchy things...and then I bikes back home.
I felt pretty good about doing this and it helped me mentally and emotionally. I wrote some really close folks and told them I needed a day to myself and took today to just be in the house and take the day completely off.
While it is still emotional and like I said, the eating thing was a little difficult to contend with, the day was relaxing..I just feel a little off.
Tomorrow I go back to work and I am aiming to start my day with my regular workout. I need to get through right now with what is normal for me NOW..and what is normal for me now is to eat three meals...healthy meals that have veggies and low fat chicken or lean meat....very little snacks, but snacks that are fruit or low carb/fat when I have them, no diet drinks...exercise...and pray and talk and feel what I need to feel. That is what is normal right now for me...and I pray that if I am granted another day...that day will have those things!
I am so grateful for this life.
Good night!
What's really different? Well, I am exercising and eating differently than I have for the last decade or more, and while it has only been about 7 months or so, it is something that I am committed to. That means that this voracious appetite, this need to curl up and just sleep and watch tv...this desire to run to anything and everything that brings "comfort" is a choice still...but NOT an option for me this time around. So far today, I have over done it with sugar free ice cream and pretzels with low fat ranch...and yes, that does sound minimal...but it is the act, not what I am doing that I don't like. I don't need to eat or to feed my down with substances. By knowing what I am feeling and really addressing it, I can walk though it and maybe even do something differently this time.
On Monday I got up at quarter of 5 and headed out to Raleigh for a pretty stressful day. I was anticipating the stress..the drive and the effect on my back, the tension with a family member, and the concern I had for another family member and what was ahead at the appointments we were all going to. As we thought, the appointments were difficult and the end results were not good and told a story that held not an immediate end, but one that would have an ending soon..with a potential for pain and deterioration. I think it was the later that was the worst part. There is enough suffering...or so I think. It is frustrating not to be able to take suffering and pain away from others. I watch it with my own family and it is so...well, I feel my powerlessness. I truly know my own limits through this and have learned what I can and cannot do. Others' pain is not in my control. I know that. It, however, does not make it any less difficult nor does it make me less angry at times. I despise those who are so simple as to say "God's plan" without so much as a look at how we cause pain and those who are so hateful as to say "we get what we create" without a look at the compassion that we can give to each other and our world because of God. No, there is no contradiction there. Faith and responsibility. Inseparable. What lightens it is the love I feel from my God.
I have said often, suffering will be among the big questions I want answered in the next life. For now, I do have faith in free will and I have faith in the compassion and love that comes through us from Him. I do know is that there is nothing to be gained in taking on someone else's pain and making it my own..that is false and does not help those in pain..in fact it can exacerbate it by not being well and whole for them and making their pain a self-serving thing. There is also nothing to be glorified in being the martyr for "suffering" the loss of another. However, I can be there, show up, and take it like everything else...one day at a time with love always as the first thing in action and deed.
Sorry..got off on a tangent...
After we were done with the appointments, I went to Whole Foods and got good things to eat...too much of it...but I got things that would be healthful. I started back on the road and made a call to Michael and then my mom and then just spent the drive back thinking. I decided when I got back that I needed to do my work out like a regular monday. I was on my own on this since Adam was not here on monday, but when I pulled in I went inside, dressed out and got on my bike and headed to the gym.
I got in and was proud of myself...I did 2 sets of bozo ball squats with curl and over heads with 17.5 weights x20, I did two sets of 20 push ups, 1 set of 12 planks on 17.5 weights with the pull ups (pulling each weight up once on each side while in the position of a push up), 2 sets of 20 sitting legs squats at 210 pounds, 2 sets of 20 chest presses at 90lbs, 2 sets 20 of pull downs at 110 lbs, 2 sets of 20 crunches on the machine at 110 lbs, 2 sets of 20 back stretchy things...and then I bikes back home.
I felt pretty good about doing this and it helped me mentally and emotionally. I wrote some really close folks and told them I needed a day to myself and took today to just be in the house and take the day completely off.
While it is still emotional and like I said, the eating thing was a little difficult to contend with, the day was relaxing..I just feel a little off.
Tomorrow I go back to work and I am aiming to start my day with my regular workout. I need to get through right now with what is normal for me NOW..and what is normal for me now is to eat three meals...healthy meals that have veggies and low fat chicken or lean meat....very little snacks, but snacks that are fruit or low carb/fat when I have them, no diet drinks...exercise...and pray and talk and feel what I need to feel. That is what is normal right now for me...and I pray that if I am granted another day...that day will have those things!
I am so grateful for this life.
Good night!
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Day 206: See less of Bo: Journey with Adam Freeman and the Cape Fear Heart Walk
Well, there is a name change to this journey coming...yep! A dear friend of mine has created something for me that is more special than I ever could dream of. In that creation, he also was very thoughtful about the whole "see less" thing and came up with an idea that envisioned being "greater than"....it is a beautiful sentiment from a beautiful person and on August the 7th, I will reveal it! It will be very cool and another thing to be very grateful for.
This week has flown by. Last weekend was very emotional and filled with some things that are out of my control dealing with a family member. What was in my control, however, was finding time to be together, taking care of myself, and doing the things I am learning in this journey...and it has made the difference. The years of having the most stressful periods in my life be coupled with the worst of my eating not to mention the worst of how I treat myself in terms of exercise and activity may be gone..well, at least for today. Even with having some time off work this week, I did my training, I showed up for my cardio, and I was good to me in my eating. As a result..I am feeling awesome, rested and ready! ARR!!! my new pirate mantra! :)
This has been a week with a weekend of celebration as well. It was a year ago this week that we were legally married in Massachusetts. After waiting for 13 years, we were finally able to have that and it was amazing. So, to celebrate we went to Raleigh and Chapel hill for the day. It is amazing to share a life with someone who loves me regardless of what size I am, first and foremost. I have to tell you that no matter what has transpired over the years, I have never felt less loved. Believe you me, I know how much that means and I am grateful for it everyday. It is a gift that is so special and one that I pray I give back in equal measure. But on top of that, it is a relationship where celebrating is not about the lavish or the drunken..we had a wonderful trip to the North Carolina Museum of Art together. Sharing this remodeled wonder and all it had in store and then going to some of our favorite places..some of his, some of mine that we don't get to very often. We even had the chance to meet with one of my/our favorite people in the world in Chapel Hill elin and David, whom we had not seen since their wedding in Portand. It was if we had just finished a converstation with them at that wonderful place on Lake Sebago and picked up where we had left off. It was wonderful and soulful.
Remember!!!
You can register for the Heart Walk on October 16th by You can be on my team if you like! http://startcapefearnc.org/ Look on the left hand navigation for “find a team” Then go to “UNCW- Bo Dean’s Team” and register! or you can go to my fundraising page and GIVE! don't mind that either! LOL! :) Go to http://startcapefearnc.org/ then Donate..then look me up Bo Dean..then donate there! :) easy peasey..but never greasey! :)
This week has flown by. Last weekend was very emotional and filled with some things that are out of my control dealing with a family member. What was in my control, however, was finding time to be together, taking care of myself, and doing the things I am learning in this journey...and it has made the difference. The years of having the most stressful periods in my life be coupled with the worst of my eating not to mention the worst of how I treat myself in terms of exercise and activity may be gone..well, at least for today. Even with having some time off work this week, I did my training, I showed up for my cardio, and I was good to me in my eating. As a result..I am feeling awesome, rested and ready! ARR!!! my new pirate mantra! :)
Now, if you are not sure who that is..it is me!!! Yep, it is me without a shirt walking into the water. It is the first time in 10 years i have been without a shirt on at the beach! I know the pic is a little far away..I like it that way! I am not ready for the full on yet..but it feels so great to be a little more confident and frankly not repulsed by my own body. Michael snapped this and I am grateful for it...I actually have a little V action going on! LOL!
But what was really amazing about this beach excursion for us was while we were there I knew that i had to do my cardio yesterday. I have watched folks for years jog on the beach and did so with envy. I decided that since Adam has had me doing sprints on the Treadmill, why not do them here. I got up and started. Instead of counting seconds, I counted breaths..and did 60 breaths running (which is a lot more than a minute!!!) on and 30 breaths walking..before i knew it, I had gone from the sunspree to shell island and was ready for more..so I did the same on the return..a mile at least! It was AWESOME! I felt so free and alive..out there under the sun..waves crashing..kids playing..it was so great and a new thing that I am looking forward to doing regularly!
But what it was not was full of stuffing myself with food and things that made the day labored and heavy. But we ate things that added to the day and really enjoyed ourselves and celebrated how fortunate we are to have to each other. What a blessing.
The rest of the weekend has been good, with cardio done and eating pretty in line. and while I am anxious about the week ahead, I am in the moment right now and very focused on how very fortunate I am. Thanks be!
Remember!!!
You can register for the Heart Walk on October 16th by You can be on my team if you like! http://startcapefearnc.org/ Look on the left hand navigation for “find a team” Then go to “UNCW- Bo Dean’s Team” and register! or you can go to my fundraising page and GIVE! don't mind that either! LOL! :) Go to http://startcapefearnc.org/ then Donate..then look me up Bo Dean..then donate there! :) easy peasey..but never greasey! :)
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Day 200: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!
"True serenity is being able to remain calm in the midst of a storm"
"You must work for Kodak, cause you project a lot"
I was thinking about these two sayings a lot today. Yesterday I got an emergency call that changed my outlook on the days ahead in some ways. While I won't go into details, suffice to say there is a family member who has a serious issue to face. When I flew out of my office yesterday, I was almost surprised that as i landed in the car, I found myself with a bottle of flavored water, a yogurt, blueberries and a peanut butter sandwich. I was prepared to ensure that I was not going to be stopping at a fast food restaurant or grabbing chocolate out of anxiety on the way! It hit me house awesome this was becuase almost without thinking it was just "what I do". I spent the evening with the familty member and while I was able to keep it together while there, it was VERY emotional when I got in the car to come home. I can assure you that in the past...downing a couple of BBQ sandwiches, quarter pounders AND king size chocolate bars with of course a diet coke would have filled that emotional void...but instead, the road that I would have turned to North Carolina's best BBQ was also the road with a brand new Lowe's foods..and I stopped and got some hummus and pita..diet green tea and some blueberries. It was what I needed to stay awake and feed the hunger..not my soul..my soul needed to just feel a little..but not so much I could not drive. I reached out and called two people that I coudl share a little with and I am so grateful to them and made it home safe and sound. What a blessing! I did not have to harm me, could be there for the person who was really being effected, and be ready for the next day....there was 'serenity in the storm'....Remember that story of Christ on the water..when they were being tossed to and fro in the storm, and he commanded "Peace! be Still!..and all was righted...I believe in that during these times...I believe....
I really wanted to stay in bed today and just stay there....but Michael was wonderful and insisted I get up. We went to lunch and then just stayed in, being quiet and praying. I have to admit though that I got to thinking about what was about to happen and got really carried away with the "what if's" to the point I just shut down and went back to sleep on the couch. I got up and went for my cardio bike ride an just could not shake the thinking about the family member, the pain, the after, all sorts of stuff, and the ride just impossible. I felt so heavy and so overwhelmed. I got half my ride in and turned around and came home. I got in the door angry that I had let my thinking get me like that and got in the tub for an epsom salt bath when that old line about "Kodak" hit me and made me laugh through some tears (and for you young people, kodak used to make this stuff called..FILM that used to be in cameras that you used to have process to make pictures..lol!). I heard that I only have this moment, and in this moment there is NO death, NO pain, No arguments, none of the stuff I was letting in...none of the concerns...and there was time together...I was reminded that we only have the NOW..and in NOW..all is well...and again...I felt "peace be still" and that presence that is so powerful in my life. It was and is so...well..I hope you understand. I am so grateful.
Last night I got to say so much I needed to and hear so much from that member of my family..and in the days to come that is what I can focus on in those moments was we have our time toghether..and in that time, I can take care of myself and not use any of this as an excuse not to divert from this amazing life that I have been given. I am so grateful for all of it.
Thanks be!
"You must work for Kodak, cause you project a lot"
I was thinking about these two sayings a lot today. Yesterday I got an emergency call that changed my outlook on the days ahead in some ways. While I won't go into details, suffice to say there is a family member who has a serious issue to face. When I flew out of my office yesterday, I was almost surprised that as i landed in the car, I found myself with a bottle of flavored water, a yogurt, blueberries and a peanut butter sandwich. I was prepared to ensure that I was not going to be stopping at a fast food restaurant or grabbing chocolate out of anxiety on the way! It hit me house awesome this was becuase almost without thinking it was just "what I do". I spent the evening with the familty member and while I was able to keep it together while there, it was VERY emotional when I got in the car to come home. I can assure you that in the past...downing a couple of BBQ sandwiches, quarter pounders AND king size chocolate bars with of course a diet coke would have filled that emotional void...but instead, the road that I would have turned to North Carolina's best BBQ was also the road with a brand new Lowe's foods..and I stopped and got some hummus and pita..diet green tea and some blueberries. It was what I needed to stay awake and feed the hunger..not my soul..my soul needed to just feel a little..but not so much I could not drive. I reached out and called two people that I coudl share a little with and I am so grateful to them and made it home safe and sound. What a blessing! I did not have to harm me, could be there for the person who was really being effected, and be ready for the next day....there was 'serenity in the storm'....Remember that story of Christ on the water..when they were being tossed to and fro in the storm, and he commanded "Peace! be Still!..and all was righted...I believe in that during these times...I believe....
I really wanted to stay in bed today and just stay there....but Michael was wonderful and insisted I get up. We went to lunch and then just stayed in, being quiet and praying. I have to admit though that I got to thinking about what was about to happen and got really carried away with the "what if's" to the point I just shut down and went back to sleep on the couch. I got up and went for my cardio bike ride an just could not shake the thinking about the family member, the pain, the after, all sorts of stuff, and the ride just impossible. I felt so heavy and so overwhelmed. I got half my ride in and turned around and came home. I got in the door angry that I had let my thinking get me like that and got in the tub for an epsom salt bath when that old line about "Kodak" hit me and made me laugh through some tears (and for you young people, kodak used to make this stuff called..FILM that used to be in cameras that you used to have process to make pictures..lol!). I heard that I only have this moment, and in this moment there is NO death, NO pain, No arguments, none of the stuff I was letting in...none of the concerns...and there was time together...I was reminded that we only have the NOW..and in NOW..all is well...and again...I felt "peace be still" and that presence that is so powerful in my life. It was and is so...well..I hope you understand. I am so grateful.
Last night I got to say so much I needed to and hear so much from that member of my family..and in the days to come that is what I can focus on in those moments was we have our time toghether..and in that time, I can take care of myself and not use any of this as an excuse not to divert from this amazing life that I have been given. I am so grateful for all of it.
Thanks be!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Day 197: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!
awesome work out today! bozo ball and jumping jacks! wahoo! loved how adam showed that he reads my blog by throwing back at me my words about being postive when faced with exercises that I hate! LOL! But really..I embraced those jumping jacks today! I just LOOOOOOVED THEM! hahaha!
I did, however love that I got to 60 and still could have done more. I loved that I did the 20 push ups twice and was not in tears...so there is something to be glad about! :)
K...so I had an idea and I am doing it...scared yet? LOL!
I am selling all of my clothes that I can't wear anymore and giving the money to the Heart Walk!
http://shop.ebay.com/bowilmington910/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=25
Yep! They are pretty amazing actually (if I do say so) and quite the bargain..but what is so great, is they may inspire the next person who has them to do what I did and pass them on to. They are very well made shirts (that is what I have up first..I am still working on getting up other stuff) and who knows..with the right care, they could last a lot longer and be passed on to the next person who might have this gift. I love the idea, but I also know what it is like to be larger and want to feel like I have clothes that make me look like I am comfortable and more like everyone else. While in some ways this clothes kept me thinking i was "normal" in the sense that I still have clothes like I had always worn, they also helped me not to let me self esteem go down because I was not able to wear something that made me feel acceptable. Does that make sense? I want that for someone or some other folks. No one should feel shame. That is NOT a motivator. Don't buy it..ain't into it..won't do it. The motivation has to come from wanting to LIVE...to feel better...and yes...look better...but the feeling...WOW!
So, if you know of someone that needs a boost..needs one of these...check them out. I am adding things daily to the items for sale as I can photograph them and get them up. It is great to have them there and dream of them going to someone that can use them and then have the money to go towards the sponsorhip for the Heartwalk.
Speaking of which...are you on my team? You can register for the Heart Walk on October 16th by You can be on my team if you like! http://startcapefearnc.org/ Look on the left hand navigation for “find a team” Then go to “UNCW- Bo Dean’s Team” and register! or you can go to my fundraising page and GIVE! don't mind that either! LOL! :) Go to http://startcapefearnc.org/ then Donate..then look me up Bo Dean..then donate there! :) easy peasey..but never greasey! :)
Anyway! There is a surprise from a dear friend coming through all of this that had me literally in tears the other day. A gift that will brand this whole journey...and it is something I hope I can make into gifts for some of you...stay tuned!
Love me some days!
Thanks be!
I did, however love that I got to 60 and still could have done more. I loved that I did the 20 push ups twice and was not in tears...so there is something to be glad about! :)
K...so I had an idea and I am doing it...scared yet? LOL!
I am selling all of my clothes that I can't wear anymore and giving the money to the Heart Walk!
http://shop.ebay.com/bowilmington910/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=25
Yep! They are pretty amazing actually (if I do say so) and quite the bargain..but what is so great, is they may inspire the next person who has them to do what I did and pass them on to. They are very well made shirts (that is what I have up first..I am still working on getting up other stuff) and who knows..with the right care, they could last a lot longer and be passed on to the next person who might have this gift. I love the idea, but I also know what it is like to be larger and want to feel like I have clothes that make me look like I am comfortable and more like everyone else. While in some ways this clothes kept me thinking i was "normal" in the sense that I still have clothes like I had always worn, they also helped me not to let me self esteem go down because I was not able to wear something that made me feel acceptable. Does that make sense? I want that for someone or some other folks. No one should feel shame. That is NOT a motivator. Don't buy it..ain't into it..won't do it. The motivation has to come from wanting to LIVE...to feel better...and yes...look better...but the feeling...WOW!
So, if you know of someone that needs a boost..needs one of these...check them out. I am adding things daily to the items for sale as I can photograph them and get them up. It is great to have them there and dream of them going to someone that can use them and then have the money to go towards the sponsorhip for the Heartwalk.
Speaking of which...are you on my team? You can register for the Heart Walk on October 16th by You can be on my team if you like! http://startcapefearnc.org/ Look on the left hand navigation for “find a team” Then go to “UNCW- Bo Dean’s Team” and register! or you can go to my fundraising page and GIVE! don't mind that either! LOL! :) Go to http://startcapefearnc.org/ then Donate..then look me up Bo Dean..then donate there! :) easy peasey..but never greasey! :)
Anyway! There is a surprise from a dear friend coming through all of this that had me literally in tears the other day. A gift that will brand this whole journey...and it is something I hope I can make into gifts for some of you...stay tuned!
Love me some days!
Thanks be!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Day 195: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!
I was told to back away from the happy juice this morning! LOL! haha! Sorry, it ain't boastin' if it's the truth and it ain't drugs if it's just feelin' good! :)
Today is Monday and while I woke up wanting to crawl back under the cover and sleep more, my work out this morning got me going. Adam was infectious with his upness and had me pushing myself even more today! I did 20 on the pull ups! 20 push ups! 20 on the press! 20 on the pull downs! 20 on the step ups with 25 pound weights in my hands! 20 on the press on the cirque de se bo ball! 20 on the bozo ball with 17.5 pound weights doing curls and over the heads!..all these twice...and warmed with with 6.5 mile an hour sprints in one minute intervals for 10 minutes with 30 second reps..hell yeah! LOL! I started the morning dragging and by the end of the work out I was alive and it has not stopped to lunch! It is awesome.
I have to get my head on right though, even while having a good work out. When I see "the box" come out..and I know that step ups are coming..I immediately go to a dark place in my brain. When I hear..push ups..I immediately go negative. Yes, they are hard..yes, it is work..but I know better than to psych myself out before I start..that just adds crap to it. I also know now that on the other side of these execises I feel better, stronger, and I have this enormous feeling of accomplishment. So, I do have to adjust my thinking when it comes to these things that I am faced with. It is applicable to all things that I don't like that have a positive outcome. How i approach things makes it just that much better or worse. It is up to me. Ironic since my favorite saying is "have a nice day unless you've made other plans"! LOL! But it, like all things takes practice!
moreover, not one day goes by...not one..where I don't remember the first day and see what a blessing this is..what a change. From the first day..barely getting up the stair case.to this..and still moving forward. It is amazing...So, yeah, I am feeling some happy "juice" this morning..and every morning..feeling it and not "boasting" but celebrating..wanting to share it.. I love a dear friend of mine who told me dryly (and in humor) the other night.."you know I love you..but you are begining to get on my nerves with this sh--"...I loved it! I told her "girl..I will work that nerve then, cause I am loving it and will keep on loving it! HA!
This is absolutely the foundation for my success right now. Again, it took some discipline to get it started, but now it is just part of what i do. Some mornings are not as easy to get done as others, but it is something I expect of myself and I make it happen.
Today is Monday and while I woke up wanting to crawl back under the cover and sleep more, my work out this morning got me going. Adam was infectious with his upness and had me pushing myself even more today! I did 20 on the pull ups! 20 push ups! 20 on the press! 20 on the pull downs! 20 on the step ups with 25 pound weights in my hands! 20 on the press on the cirque de se bo ball! 20 on the bozo ball with 17.5 pound weights doing curls and over the heads!..all these twice...and warmed with with 6.5 mile an hour sprints in one minute intervals for 10 minutes with 30 second reps..hell yeah! LOL! I started the morning dragging and by the end of the work out I was alive and it has not stopped to lunch! It is awesome.
I have to get my head on right though, even while having a good work out. When I see "the box" come out..and I know that step ups are coming..I immediately go to a dark place in my brain. When I hear..push ups..I immediately go negative. Yes, they are hard..yes, it is work..but I know better than to psych myself out before I start..that just adds crap to it. I also know now that on the other side of these execises I feel better, stronger, and I have this enormous feeling of accomplishment. So, I do have to adjust my thinking when it comes to these things that I am faced with. It is applicable to all things that I don't like that have a positive outcome. How i approach things makes it just that much better or worse. It is up to me. Ironic since my favorite saying is "have a nice day unless you've made other plans"! LOL! But it, like all things takes practice!
moreover, not one day goes by...not one..where I don't remember the first day and see what a blessing this is..what a change. From the first day..barely getting up the stair case.to this..and still moving forward. It is amazing...So, yeah, I am feeling some happy "juice" this morning..and every morning..feeling it and not "boasting" but celebrating..wanting to share it.. I love a dear friend of mine who told me dryly (and in humor) the other night.."you know I love you..but you are begining to get on my nerves with this sh--"...I loved it! I told her "girl..I will work that nerve then, cause I am loving it and will keep on loving it! HA!
Now one of the other reasons I am happy is cause I keep on keeping on with my eating regimine! That has made the world of differnce. Above is what I eat every morning at work. When I went to the dietician and she asked me what I regularly had for breakfast, I admitted I usually grabbed a biscuit from Hardees or a bagel with cream cheese if I ate breakfast at all.
We knew that was NOT going to work as I needed more protien and fiber to start the day and she was adamant not only about eating three meals aday (not little meals a couple a times a day...see my sugar stays to high..so eating all the time is a killer for me..you HAVE to get a dietician to tell you what YOU need..don't take advise from ANYONE that has not checked your sugar levels..EVER! It is different for each person!), but moreover, she was insistent that I eat breakfast. Period. That had to happen.
She asked me what else I liked and I said "egg mcmuffin". So, she deconstructed an egg mcmuffin and here is what I eat everyday. I have a portion of candian bacon (VERY lean, but VERY tasty. 1 gram of fat...LOTS of protien). I have an egg (ok...I should only have the whites...but for now, I have the whole egg..I will try the egg beaters eventually..but my cholesterol is down..so, I am good with this)...and fat free sharp cheddar cheese.
I cut up the bacon on a plate, crack the egg over top with pepper and salt and cook for a minute and forty seconds in the microwave..it is perfect everytime! It makes for a filling and hot wonderful breakfast! It does not have sugars of a breakfast bar (which is also a killer for me as those don't fill me up, and the sugar crashes me and makes me want to eat more).
What is not pictured here that I have with it are two pieces of whole wheat, high fiber bread with polaner, sugar free all fruit. Notice in all of this..no butter or oil...it is awewome and filling.
I drink black coffee or green tea and it is a great way to start the day.
I have been told this for years. but know it to be gospel..you must eat breakfast to loose weight. I am a believer.
This is absolutely the foundation for my success right now. Again, it took some discipline to get it started, but now it is just part of what i do. Some mornings are not as easy to get done as others, but it is something I expect of myself and I make it happen.
The last part of this is I also make sure that there is NEVER a time when there is not a dozen eggs, canadian bacon, fat free cheese, and whole wheat bread and sugar free all fruit at work. That was the last part that was essential to success. Making sure that I took care of me by making sure to plan to have those things available. It is far to easy to grab that bagel when those things are not here. It only takes a minute to run into the store if I am out...Lord knows it takes a lot longer to run that cream cheese out of my arteries..and as I am getting older..I am not sure I have time to run it out anymore...so, yeah...I think I can run in the store and plan ahead. It is worth, my family and friends are worth it, and God's gift of life is worth it....
Thanks be!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Day 191: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!
I got an message this morning from someone I think optitimizes what I blogged about when I talk about people who are "not fat"..a genuinely attractive person who is struggling with weight but who is full of life, gives so much to others, is so much of a gift in this world. This person's message really touched me, but it also got me to remind myself of how important the whole "one day at a time" thing is on this journey.
For some folks who may have started to read this lately, they may not be looking at how this began and how committed I have been to taking each day as it comes and making sure that i do not get overwhelmed with trying to make to much change too quickly. That is how I have always set myself up for failure in the past...because I could not make radical changes overnight or because I "fell off the wagon" with food or not exercising on day or even a couple of days, I just gave up (or the big one..because i could not do everything PERFECTLY..I just did not do ANYTHING at all!..nice self-con, right?).
Well, not this time. This time, I was and am going to practice the principals that I learned in other areas of my life in this and truly live one day at time with my changes in diet and exercise...but I had to do diet AND exercise. So, if in those early days, just getting through a day without fast food and showing up to the gym was all I did..well, that was AMAZING....and that night, my prayer was that if i was granted an new day, it be as good as that one....and from there, build. One day led to another and here I am seven months later. Along the way, the training from Adam, the nutritional direction from Heidi have given me the tools to succeed. But none of it would have worked it I did not show up, each day that I was granted and access those tools/gifts.
I remember when I was looking at some pics of my friend Andy H before all this began for me. Andy is someone who had made some major life changes and he said that his transformation had happened in 10 months and he had done it by eating right and exercising...not half measures..no fad diets or crazinesss..just good old fashioned combo! I thought at the time..."damn bo, 10 months!" But then I thought...10 months..if I started today....It would be (then) August..you can do that" I have told Andy repeatedly and my other friend Woody who did something similar how grateful I am for being powers of example to show me the way.
Anyway, it was a gratifying way to start the day to say the least, and ironic because the post that got that and a lot of other feedback was one of the hardest I have done to date! :)
After work it just looked like it was going to pour so I had to put off the bike ride and headed into the gym. I got on the elliptical and set it for level 14! I did my sprints for the first 20 minutes and then the last 10 just at 7.0. But I need to share about tonight.
The elliptical is work. there is no doubt about it. And for someone like me that is all over the place..it is even more so cause I get bored as hell. Music helps a great deal, but there is not a time when my brain is not trying to talk me off of that machine, talk me into stopping before the time, lower the level, lower the speed, whatever can be done to get in my way. It takes concentration to get through. Sounds like torture right? Well, no, not really. See, there is the other side of the feeling of actually getting through and feeling the effects of working out at each new level. There is a real rush of moving through the exercise itself and tonight I tried something that had a tremendous pay off.
We have redone our home and in our main room we have created a mediation gallery for us to sit in and just relax. The cushions from the monastery store came yesterday and we had our first "quiet" meditation on them and it was awesome. One of the books that came with them suggested a meditation of just counting breaths. Tonight as I was getting tired and fatigued (at 20 minutes), I closed my eyes on the machine and a gospel song called "going to the meeting" came on. I began to count my breaths and try and clear my mind with the song going in the back ground. It was INCREDIBLE! I swear I stopped feeling my legs and felt lift off the machine as i kept going. When I opened my eyes again, it was almost 29 minutes! I loved it! I am definitely doing that one again! :)
anyway, it was a good day! Again, I pray that if I am granted tomorrow I continue on this path of growth with my health and wellness!
For some folks who may have started to read this lately, they may not be looking at how this began and how committed I have been to taking each day as it comes and making sure that i do not get overwhelmed with trying to make to much change too quickly. That is how I have always set myself up for failure in the past...because I could not make radical changes overnight or because I "fell off the wagon" with food or not exercising on day or even a couple of days, I just gave up (or the big one..because i could not do everything PERFECTLY..I just did not do ANYTHING at all!..nice self-con, right?).
Well, not this time. This time, I was and am going to practice the principals that I learned in other areas of my life in this and truly live one day at time with my changes in diet and exercise...but I had to do diet AND exercise. So, if in those early days, just getting through a day without fast food and showing up to the gym was all I did..well, that was AMAZING....and that night, my prayer was that if i was granted an new day, it be as good as that one....and from there, build. One day led to another and here I am seven months later. Along the way, the training from Adam, the nutritional direction from Heidi have given me the tools to succeed. But none of it would have worked it I did not show up, each day that I was granted and access those tools/gifts.
I remember when I was looking at some pics of my friend Andy H before all this began for me. Andy is someone who had made some major life changes and he said that his transformation had happened in 10 months and he had done it by eating right and exercising...not half measures..no fad diets or crazinesss..just good old fashioned combo! I thought at the time..."damn bo, 10 months!" But then I thought...10 months..if I started today....It would be (then) August..you can do that" I have told Andy repeatedly and my other friend Woody who did something similar how grateful I am for being powers of example to show me the way.
Anyway, it was a gratifying way to start the day to say the least, and ironic because the post that got that and a lot of other feedback was one of the hardest I have done to date! :)
After work it just looked like it was going to pour so I had to put off the bike ride and headed into the gym. I got on the elliptical and set it for level 14! I did my sprints for the first 20 minutes and then the last 10 just at 7.0. But I need to share about tonight.
The elliptical is work. there is no doubt about it. And for someone like me that is all over the place..it is even more so cause I get bored as hell. Music helps a great deal, but there is not a time when my brain is not trying to talk me off of that machine, talk me into stopping before the time, lower the level, lower the speed, whatever can be done to get in my way. It takes concentration to get through. Sounds like torture right? Well, no, not really. See, there is the other side of the feeling of actually getting through and feeling the effects of working out at each new level. There is a real rush of moving through the exercise itself and tonight I tried something that had a tremendous pay off.
We have redone our home and in our main room we have created a mediation gallery for us to sit in and just relax. The cushions from the monastery store came yesterday and we had our first "quiet" meditation on them and it was awesome. One of the books that came with them suggested a meditation of just counting breaths. Tonight as I was getting tired and fatigued (at 20 minutes), I closed my eyes on the machine and a gospel song called "going to the meeting" came on. I began to count my breaths and try and clear my mind with the song going in the back ground. It was INCREDIBLE! I swear I stopped feeling my legs and felt lift off the machine as i kept going. When I opened my eyes again, it was almost 29 minutes! I loved it! I am definitely doing that one again! :)
anyway, it was a good day! Again, I pray that if I am granted tomorrow I continue on this path of growth with my health and wellness!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Day 190: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!
Being called Fat is never easy..no matter whether you are 270 or 348..and it happened to me again last saturday. I have a hard time posting about this cause it really sucked and it brought up a lot when it happened.
But I have come to realize the guy that did it was an ass and was probably a little scared too in hindsight. Regardless, I knew I had to post about it cause I know how much being called fat can hurt and how sharing can really make the difference. See, I am NOT a fat person..even at 348..I was a person who had allowed himself to get really unhealthy and allowed myself to get obese..but fat? No...fat for me means lazy..means being slovenly...someone who does not care. I don't know fat people...well very few.
I know many folks who have addictions to food, have trouble dealing with stress, grew up with not eating right, have a life style that lends itself to grabbing what is available instead of planning and who eat for comfort and not for health and well being. But no, I don't know fat people...and I am not fat.
But I was biking to Wrightsville beach and when I crossed over the bridge I did the proper signals to move to the left lane to go to the loop and a guy laid in on his horn, he got right up beside me..way to close and rolled down his window, I let him have it about how I was on a bike and he was in a car and he, what, was he gonna kill me? He then called me "fatboy" as he smoked his ciggarette...i told him to pull over and I would "talk" to him about how fat I was.
I proceeded to go across the grassy section to follow him, but of course he speed away..the coward..but as i hit the grass..I also hit a bump and my ipod jumped and I went from the black eyed peas "don't phunk with my heart" to...and I kid you not "Love delivered me"...I absolutely broke out in full out laughter and just looked up at the heavens and had to tell God..ok...I get it!!!
Then my next thought was "gee..if he thought I was fat now..what would he have though a few months ago!! LOL
But, i have to admit, as I kept riding, his words snuck back in my head and I got VERY insecure.."did I look stupid on this bike?" "was i ridiculous..like an elephant on a tiny bicylce?" " who am I fooling trying to loose weight." All of this came rushing in. I had to literally stop and just say "STOP!" get my sh'-- together and regroup and pray...I was remined and quickly that I am NOT FAT..and this is....ONE DAY AT A TIME..and absolute miracle and a blessing and it DOES NOT MATTER what I look like..I FEEL AMAZING and IT IS AMAZING...and SCREW HIM!...ok...so, when i got all that back..I was on the path again..but Damn, it was amazing how quickly I could get back into stinking thinking, but even more amazing how I could rebound! For years I something like this would happen and i would sink away in it..give into it, give up..but things have changed! I am so grateful for prayer and for the the gift of being able to share this when I got home. Michael was so amazing and listened and then without hesitation remineded me that I was doing well! :)
I share this today, because I know how much we take from others and how much it can either make or break how we do. The support I have recieved every day on this journey has lifted me up and made me a million times stronger..but like most, that one person..oh that one person...can be so damaging..but in this journey, I am stronger on the inside too and i can bounce back more than I have in the past...it is not just my outsides that are better...I feel healthier inside too. I am worth this health..I am worthy of treating the gift of this life that I have been given in better ways..and through this health and can be more and give more. Those who set out to harm me are less likely to do so now becuase I feel this....I pray the same for anyone reading this too!
Ok..enough of that! :)
My workouts are getting more ramped up..Adam has brought back out the bozo ball and now I get to do my squats on the ball with weights..yeah..I am pretty much a large standard poddle doing tricks on a balancing ball these days! Come to the Circus..I am center ring! :)
I also get to "play" on the cirque de se bo ball by rolling out on it almost to my anlkes and then pulling forward on my hands....yeah..there will be no video of that one. Laying on my back, butt up and bringing the ball forward and then laying on the ball and doing weights....all with other exerices and sprints on the treadmill make for a workout to say the least!
Thanks be to God!
But I have come to realize the guy that did it was an ass and was probably a little scared too in hindsight. Regardless, I knew I had to post about it cause I know how much being called fat can hurt and how sharing can really make the difference. See, I am NOT a fat person..even at 348..I was a person who had allowed himself to get really unhealthy and allowed myself to get obese..but fat? No...fat for me means lazy..means being slovenly...someone who does not care. I don't know fat people...well very few.
I know many folks who have addictions to food, have trouble dealing with stress, grew up with not eating right, have a life style that lends itself to grabbing what is available instead of planning and who eat for comfort and not for health and well being. But no, I don't know fat people...and I am not fat.
But I was biking to Wrightsville beach and when I crossed over the bridge I did the proper signals to move to the left lane to go to the loop and a guy laid in on his horn, he got right up beside me..way to close and rolled down his window, I let him have it about how I was on a bike and he was in a car and he, what, was he gonna kill me? He then called me "fatboy" as he smoked his ciggarette...i told him to pull over and I would "talk" to him about how fat I was.
I proceeded to go across the grassy section to follow him, but of course he speed away..the coward..but as i hit the grass..I also hit a bump and my ipod jumped and I went from the black eyed peas "don't phunk with my heart" to...and I kid you not "Love delivered me"...I absolutely broke out in full out laughter and just looked up at the heavens and had to tell God..ok...I get it!!!
Then my next thought was "gee..if he thought I was fat now..what would he have though a few months ago!! LOL
But, i have to admit, as I kept riding, his words snuck back in my head and I got VERY insecure.."did I look stupid on this bike?" "was i ridiculous..like an elephant on a tiny bicylce?" " who am I fooling trying to loose weight." All of this came rushing in. I had to literally stop and just say "STOP!" get my sh'-- together and regroup and pray...I was remined and quickly that I am NOT FAT..and this is....ONE DAY AT A TIME..and absolute miracle and a blessing and it DOES NOT MATTER what I look like..I FEEL AMAZING and IT IS AMAZING...and SCREW HIM!...ok...so, when i got all that back..I was on the path again..but Damn, it was amazing how quickly I could get back into stinking thinking, but even more amazing how I could rebound! For years I something like this would happen and i would sink away in it..give into it, give up..but things have changed! I am so grateful for prayer and for the the gift of being able to share this when I got home. Michael was so amazing and listened and then without hesitation remineded me that I was doing well! :)
I share this today, because I know how much we take from others and how much it can either make or break how we do. The support I have recieved every day on this journey has lifted me up and made me a million times stronger..but like most, that one person..oh that one person...can be so damaging..but in this journey, I am stronger on the inside too and i can bounce back more than I have in the past...it is not just my outsides that are better...I feel healthier inside too. I am worth this health..I am worthy of treating the gift of this life that I have been given in better ways..and through this health and can be more and give more. Those who set out to harm me are less likely to do so now becuase I feel this....I pray the same for anyone reading this too!
Ok..enough of that! :)
My workouts are getting more ramped up..Adam has brought back out the bozo ball and now I get to do my squats on the ball with weights..yeah..I am pretty much a large standard poddle doing tricks on a balancing ball these days! Come to the Circus..I am center ring! :)
I also get to "play" on the cirque de se bo ball by rolling out on it almost to my anlkes and then pulling forward on my hands....yeah..there will be no video of that one. Laying on my back, butt up and bringing the ball forward and then laying on the ball and doing weights....all with other exerices and sprints on the treadmill make for a workout to say the least!
Thanks be to God!
Friday, July 09, 2010
a little different conversation..but not really
So, I am on facebook after I just hear that a friend of mine was denied a right that most take for granted in their church of origin. It is not the first time, but they had and we had been led to believe that things had changed and there was this hope and feeling of overcoming some prejudice. That was gone and I was angry and posted about it. The exhange though that followed with a dear friend and comments from others was one of those things I just "needed" and came at the right time, as most things do. I have taken their names out, but thought I would share it as my spiritual life is the root of ALL things...I am nothing without that which is greater than myself and I choose to call God. I was once told that religion was for people who wanted to stay out of hell, spirituality and faith were for people who had been there. Well, I am no martyr, but I have been there..and there is this wonderful feeling of faith that sustains me in all times through the worst of times and in the best of all times.
here is the conversation:
My originial rant:
(me) presbyterians strike again! I am so sick of "christians" who have CLEARLY NEVER FELT CHRIST...much less learned to follow. Thanks be to those who dwell in the spirit and know LOVE for one another above all else!
(another voice 1) Exactly the reason I have no use for organized religion, Bo.
17 hours ago · LikeUnlike · . · (another voice 2) What was it Ghandi once said? "I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians."
16 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading... · (another voice 3) I don't understand some of us and why my Christian friends act the way they do. But in order for us to expect acceptance we have to give acceptance. Everyone has the right to their opinion, I just don't like it when they pick out one or two things in the Bible and claim they are justified by their opinions.
15 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (ME) I completely agree...I try and live by "acceptance is the key to all my problems today"..and I fall short of this bar of expectation I shoot for as I do others...but I live in progress , not perfection. However, this was a specific incident that invoked in me great disappointment, sadness, and some anger with a church locally that has really hurt one of its long standing families (and not for the first time) and one of my best friends and ultimately the children of that family. I am boggled by the lack of love and compassion from a church that has such a membership.
I do wish them peace, healing, and the understanding of God that surpasses anything I have...but I am human...and it is so frustrating.
11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (another voice 2)I guess I'm more passive when it comes to religion... cuz I'm hardcore with the rest of my life LOL ! I just had an experience once when I was faced with an atheist, who is still my friend. How could I expect him to understand what I know is real and true when he has never experienced it, or so he thinks. He should be thankful for a roof, food, job, and all the things we have in this country that others do not, and he is. He just WONT GET IT THROUGH HIS THICK SKULL that its his Lord watching over him LOL. I know how you feel, but the meek shall inherit the earth. ( did I spell "meek" correctly? I'm kinda a brown haired blonde LOL )
11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (Another Voice 1) I left the church many years ago because I just couldn't see evidence that a loving God really existed. My profession has me seeing the dirty reality of life. Why are babies born sick, way too early, then tortured while here, then die anyway. What possible reason for a loving God have for allowing things like this to go on. My only way to cope is to either believe there is no God or that he has just stepped away and washed his hands of us. No one has been able to give me a good reason for the suffering. Especially innocent children.
11 hours ago · UnlikeLike · 1 personYou like this. · (ME) I hear you ****e and only have my own experience to go on. In that, I find solace. I believe strongly in free will and it is up to us to make the difference we want to see. the pain and suffering come from us, not from God. I just don't believe in the whole "test" theology. It conflicts with not only the Christian God, but others I have come to know.
The tools are there..we just turn away from them or choose not to participate. You just showed me that you are part of the solution...you live out the life that I believe embodies God...and that is a life of compassion, love, and care for those who cannot help themselves and in some cases, those who have brought on suffering and pain, but who still need care and love. Despite what you may feel or your judgement, you deliver that care...you live a life that for me is more spiritual than most "church going" folk.
Imagine if we turned to the "best" we know of ourselves...we would feed the hungry, clothe the naked, house the homeless, help each other succeed, provide prenatal care, provide health care to those without it, take care of our earth, etc...for me, that is what it is all about and that is why I find this forum so comforting, because I stay connected to so many who see the pain, see the suffering, and who don't give up..but choose to make a difference. For me, that is God...that is spirituality....and for me, as long as I can see others in community living that example, I have hope and can keep going...there is always hope.
11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (Another Voice 4) Very well said Bo...Those are the things that Jesus commanded us to do & he preached love more than anything else.
11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (Another Voice 1) Thank you Bo. But what I don't understand is what did an innocent child do to deserve this pain. If the parent did something wrong, then the parent should feel the pain. I have never understood that freewill concept when it pertains to children. I do feel compassion. Very deeply. My heart actually hurts sometimes when I come home after losing a tiny, precious little life. But after so many years, I think my compassion comes from anger. Probably not a good place. I get sooooo angry. At God for not intervening, the world for being what it is, myself because I can't perform miracles, just whoever. You can find me many mornings after a rough night at work standing on the beach like Scarlett O-Hara with my fist in the air, saying "you're not going to lick me. If you won't help me take care of these babies, then damn it, I'll do it myself and as long as I'm here on this earth if it kills me. I'll make their suffering as minimal as possible and they WILL know they are loved here". Then I storm off and go to bed. It's a very sad scene.....LOL
10 hours ago · LikeUnlike · ME you are amazing lady...and like others...there is a connection. there is a strength. Call it what you will...but there is that connection that I am so drawn to and feel is so real and much bigger than my own human experience.
I don't have the answers...I have experiences that have led me to believe that I can't be as simple as "it is his will" or so complicated that i try and read every dilemna as a message from God and discern what he is trying to say! LOL! . Somewhere in between, I have just come to accept that there is this world that is driven in such negative ways on so many levels and I have to choose how to operate in it. You have chosen to give care and love...that has to take a toll. But it also is so rich and so purposeful! I also don't have your experience...I just feel so strongly that presence..that energy....
Trust me, Michael can a test to many moments of screaming on the beach (and bless his heart...screaming at home! LOL)...I don't think there is anything wrong with that....and my higher power can take me cussing...ultimately, after I get it off my chest...I can get back to doing what I believe is right...
We need to go on the beach together sometime! I am sure we would make it rain! :)
10 hours ago · LikeUnlike ·
here is the conversation:
My originial rant:
(me) presbyterians strike again! I am so sick of "christians" who have CLEARLY NEVER FELT CHRIST...much less learned to follow. Thanks be to those who dwell in the spirit and know LOVE for one another above all else!
(another voice 1) Exactly the reason I have no use for organized religion, Bo.
17 hours ago · LikeUnlike · . · (another voice 2) What was it Ghandi once said? "I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians."
16 hours ago · LikeUnlike · 1 personLoading... · (another voice 3) I don't understand some of us and why my Christian friends act the way they do. But in order for us to expect acceptance we have to give acceptance. Everyone has the right to their opinion, I just don't like it when they pick out one or two things in the Bible and claim they are justified by their opinions.
15 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (ME) I completely agree...I try and live by "acceptance is the key to all my problems today"..and I fall short of this bar of expectation I shoot for as I do others...but I live in progress , not perfection. However, this was a specific incident that invoked in me great disappointment, sadness, and some anger with a church locally that has really hurt one of its long standing families (and not for the first time) and one of my best friends and ultimately the children of that family. I am boggled by the lack of love and compassion from a church that has such a membership.
I do wish them peace, healing, and the understanding of God that surpasses anything I have...but I am human...and it is so frustrating.
11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (another voice 2)I guess I'm more passive when it comes to religion... cuz I'm hardcore with the rest of my life LOL ! I just had an experience once when I was faced with an atheist, who is still my friend. How could I expect him to understand what I know is real and true when he has never experienced it, or so he thinks. He should be thankful for a roof, food, job, and all the things we have in this country that others do not, and he is. He just WONT GET IT THROUGH HIS THICK SKULL that its his Lord watching over him LOL. I know how you feel, but the meek shall inherit the earth. ( did I spell "meek" correctly? I'm kinda a brown haired blonde LOL )
11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (Another Voice 1) I left the church many years ago because I just couldn't see evidence that a loving God really existed. My profession has me seeing the dirty reality of life. Why are babies born sick, way too early, then tortured while here, then die anyway. What possible reason for a loving God have for allowing things like this to go on. My only way to cope is to either believe there is no God or that he has just stepped away and washed his hands of us. No one has been able to give me a good reason for the suffering. Especially innocent children.
11 hours ago · UnlikeLike · 1 personYou like this. · (ME) I hear you ****e and only have my own experience to go on. In that, I find solace. I believe strongly in free will and it is up to us to make the difference we want to see. the pain and suffering come from us, not from God. I just don't believe in the whole "test" theology. It conflicts with not only the Christian God, but others I have come to know.
The tools are there..we just turn away from them or choose not to participate. You just showed me that you are part of the solution...you live out the life that I believe embodies God...and that is a life of compassion, love, and care for those who cannot help themselves and in some cases, those who have brought on suffering and pain, but who still need care and love. Despite what you may feel or your judgement, you deliver that care...you live a life that for me is more spiritual than most "church going" folk.
Imagine if we turned to the "best" we know of ourselves...we would feed the hungry, clothe the naked, house the homeless, help each other succeed, provide prenatal care, provide health care to those without it, take care of our earth, etc...for me, that is what it is all about and that is why I find this forum so comforting, because I stay connected to so many who see the pain, see the suffering, and who don't give up..but choose to make a difference. For me, that is God...that is spirituality....and for me, as long as I can see others in community living that example, I have hope and can keep going...there is always hope.
11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (Another Voice 4) Very well said Bo...Those are the things that Jesus commanded us to do & he preached love more than anything else.
11 hours ago · LikeUnlike · (Another Voice 1) Thank you Bo. But what I don't understand is what did an innocent child do to deserve this pain. If the parent did something wrong, then the parent should feel the pain. I have never understood that freewill concept when it pertains to children. I do feel compassion. Very deeply. My heart actually hurts sometimes when I come home after losing a tiny, precious little life. But after so many years, I think my compassion comes from anger. Probably not a good place. I get sooooo angry. At God for not intervening, the world for being what it is, myself because I can't perform miracles, just whoever. You can find me many mornings after a rough night at work standing on the beach like Scarlett O-Hara with my fist in the air, saying "you're not going to lick me. If you won't help me take care of these babies, then damn it, I'll do it myself and as long as I'm here on this earth if it kills me. I'll make their suffering as minimal as possible and they WILL know they are loved here". Then I storm off and go to bed. It's a very sad scene.....LOL
10 hours ago · LikeUnlike · ME you are amazing lady...and like others...there is a connection. there is a strength. Call it what you will...but there is that connection that I am so drawn to and feel is so real and much bigger than my own human experience.
I don't have the answers...I have experiences that have led me to believe that I can't be as simple as "it is his will" or so complicated that i try and read every dilemna as a message from God and discern what he is trying to say! LOL! . Somewhere in between, I have just come to accept that there is this world that is driven in such negative ways on so many levels and I have to choose how to operate in it. You have chosen to give care and love...that has to take a toll. But it also is so rich and so purposeful! I also don't have your experience...I just feel so strongly that presence..that energy....
Trust me, Michael can a test to many moments of screaming on the beach (and bless his heart...screaming at home! LOL)...I don't think there is anything wrong with that....and my higher power can take me cussing...ultimately, after I get it off my chest...I can get back to doing what I believe is right...
We need to go on the beach together sometime! I am sure we would make it rain! :)
10 hours ago · LikeUnlike ·
Thursday, July 08, 2010
Day 184: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!
great day today! I was a little sore yesterday having done my cardio on Tuesday night so late it led a lot quicker into the morning training. But, we pushed on and I was no worse for wear. In fact, I have met another goal! A couple of months ago when Adam first had me do real push-ups..not with my legs crossed on my knees..but stretched out and butt straight..I was so discouraged because I could barely do any. I said then that I wanted to be able to do 20 pushups, all at once, without stopping in two months. Well, I did it and and another set the same way! It felt so good! I love it when Adam says "way to work hard!"...I feel like an athlete with a coach that cares...LOL! but I am serious, it feels great. I like have goals and I like even more setting new ones as we reach them.
Tonight I did my bike ride and I was able to leave the house, bike to the beach, do the loop and then back and once around the entire University (and I stopped by the pharmacy! LOL!).... a total of 17 miles. What was great about it was that I was at speeds 6 and 3 on the bike. I am getting stronger and can keep pace at that level. I never took it off six either...another milestone.
I am looking forward to the weekend. It should be a good one!
Hope yours is too!
thanks be!
Tonight I did my bike ride and I was able to leave the house, bike to the beach, do the loop and then back and once around the entire University (and I stopped by the pharmacy! LOL!).... a total of 17 miles. What was great about it was that I was at speeds 6 and 3 on the bike. I am getting stronger and can keep pace at that level. I never took it off six either...another milestone.
I am looking forward to the weekend. It should be a good one!
Hope yours is too!
thanks be!
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Day 182: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!
What a wonderful Fourth of July weekend!
We were EVERYWHERE! and had a blast! But what was so great was being able to enjoy it without killing myself with food and not being so uncomfortable with my weight that I could not enjoy sitting walking or doing.
The day was not without some distractions though. As we drove through Myrtle Beach..for me, one of the most depressing places on earth (and sad, cause when I was a child, I thought this place was absolute magic)..it really hit me how sad it really is here. Every sign on every block just about offers BUFFETS! ALL YOU CAN EAT! ! etc etc etc....Fried, fat, heavy food EVERYWHERE...and the saddest part is that it is mostly seafood....I have never really enjoyed this as much because of all the batter and grease...I am beginning to understand now how wonderful fish is and really enjoy boiled shop with remoulades...not Tartar sauce (you all know that tartar is straight mayonaise with pickle relish..right? LOL!) But as I rode through I could not help but think this is the crack house for fat! and worse was as we went through, the folks we saw were as unhealthy as I was at the beginning of all this. In fact, when we got to the gardens, I saw this couple and one of them clearly was struggling to keep walking. I really had to stop for minute and remember being in that very place a year ago in this very garden. I said a pray for that person and just had to really be thankful..grateful!....we can do this and make the change. It can be better....and like I said, the rewards were many in this trip as with everything that is coming. It is amazing!
Today I slept in till I had to go to work, so I had to find time for cardio in the evening .We were having dinner with friends, John and Andy, so I knew that it would be later, but as things go, our converstation was wonderful and it was close to 9 before we were done. Andy set the bar for me in life changes and weight loss and has been so amazingly supportive throughout the processs. He and his partner John are an awesome couple and have been together almost as long as Michael and I and the similarities are spooky...in fact, poor Andy and Michael just smiled and nodded alot as John and I talked! LOL! But it was great and I am so glad we finally got together for dinner! I admire these too and we both look forward to seeing them again. Regardless of how late it got though, I was determined to get in my cardio..I brought my bike and had planned on leaving by bike and letting Michael drive home. So, I went to the gym, did 10 minutes of sprints at 7.9 miles an hour on the treadmill and 20 minutes on the elliptical at 7.7 miles an hour at level 14..then biked home! I am pooped, but feel great that I did it!
:)
We were EVERYWHERE! and had a blast! But what was so great was being able to enjoy it without killing myself with food and not being so uncomfortable with my weight that I could not enjoy sitting walking or doing.
On saturday we went to a BBQ and there was all sorts of stuff! Our Friends made amazing ribs..but I did not have to eat a rack..there was also seaweed salad, cabbage salad, cucumbers and carrots, rice noodles and so much more! I had such good stuff to enjoy! I did have a rib..but just not a rack! So, I was not deprived and got to have something that I loved without making myself sick or doing soemthing that would hurt me! It was great!
It has become a traditon since I have been on the Foundation board to go to CFCC for the fireworks! Well, this year instead of heavy breads and mayonaise heavy salads and fried chicken..there was hummus and shrimp and veggies and just a little pasta salad..course michael and mom and harold had the coconut macaroons..but I had my Lewis farms Blueberries..so I was in heaven! Not only did I enjoy the evening more..I I was more comfortable sitting in the chair (a chair that I was always afraid would break in recent years..and I was not afraid this time!) I also as more present and really enjoyed everything and everyone around me. We walked around, went shopping with mother and came back and adn enjoyed the sunset! It was perfect!
The same can be said for our trip on Monday down to brookgreen gardens. As soon as I was done with training on Monday morning, I was so alive and ready for the day! (thank you adam!). So, I got home and surprised Michael and we were off! While I did eat a small bag of smart food cheddar popcorn, the day was filled with enjoying the garden and we ate meals that were good for us and had a great time! I saw more of the gardens (Just like with Airlie), than I have ever seen on previous trips, because I was able to walk and do more than I have ever been able to do in recent years! We walked for miles and saw things that were truly rewards for our efforts! A HAWK flew literally a few feet in front of us and I was able to capture that on film! It was amazing!The day was not without some distractions though. As we drove through Myrtle Beach..for me, one of the most depressing places on earth (and sad, cause when I was a child, I thought this place was absolute magic)..it really hit me how sad it really is here. Every sign on every block just about offers BUFFETS! ALL YOU CAN EAT! ! etc etc etc....Fried, fat, heavy food EVERYWHERE...and the saddest part is that it is mostly seafood....I have never really enjoyed this as much because of all the batter and grease...I am beginning to understand now how wonderful fish is and really enjoy boiled shop with remoulades...not Tartar sauce (you all know that tartar is straight mayonaise with pickle relish..right? LOL!) But as I rode through I could not help but think this is the crack house for fat! and worse was as we went through, the folks we saw were as unhealthy as I was at the beginning of all this. In fact, when we got to the gardens, I saw this couple and one of them clearly was struggling to keep walking. I really had to stop for minute and remember being in that very place a year ago in this very garden. I said a pray for that person and just had to really be thankful..grateful!....we can do this and make the change. It can be better....and like I said, the rewards were many in this trip as with everything that is coming. It is amazing!
Today I slept in till I had to go to work, so I had to find time for cardio in the evening .We were having dinner with friends, John and Andy, so I knew that it would be later, but as things go, our converstation was wonderful and it was close to 9 before we were done. Andy set the bar for me in life changes and weight loss and has been so amazingly supportive throughout the processs. He and his partner John are an awesome couple and have been together almost as long as Michael and I and the similarities are spooky...in fact, poor Andy and Michael just smiled and nodded alot as John and I talked! LOL! But it was great and I am so glad we finally got together for dinner! I admire these too and we both look forward to seeing them again. Regardless of how late it got though, I was determined to get in my cardio..I brought my bike and had planned on leaving by bike and letting Michael drive home. So, I went to the gym, did 10 minutes of sprints at 7.9 miles an hour on the treadmill and 20 minutes on the elliptical at 7.7 miles an hour at level 14..then biked home! I am pooped, but feel great that I did it!
:)
Thursday, July 01, 2010
Day 177: See Less of Bo: The Cape Fear Heart Walk Journey with Adam Freeman and O2 Fitness!
Do you see the guy on the right? yep...that is me folks...I think this was the picture that I remember seeing at the time and absolutely going into denial about my weight. It could not be me. I did so well with blazers and poses in front of the camera..I spent so much time hiding behind ( I thought) large rugby shirts). and as long as I could still buy the clothes that I wanted (albeit on line)...then I must be ok.
A few weeks ago..I remembered this picture. It was somewhere in the back of my mind from 09. I was not sure where it was...but I knew it was there. I no longer have to hide from it...I am become free from it thanks to this new life..It is possible. Talk about grateful!
I remember the story of a young man who said he was struggling with being sober and his sponsor said "well, what do you think alcoholics do?" and the young person trying so hard to please and get sober said "well, go to meetings, don't drink, and stay sober". And the yoda like old recovering drunk..said, "no, dumbass, Alcoholics DRINK!..what you are doing, by staying sober goes against everything you are engineered to do. But it is a good thing and it is not easy..but it is worth it..and the more you do it..the better you will be!"
I thought of that story when I see the obesity rates. Being healthier in this day and age, where over 30% of our population is OBESE..not overweight, but OBESE...is going against the "norm". Where fast food, huge portions, fat and salt, unreal amounts of fat, are in our diets and are common. High calorie coffee drinks, high calorie everything are everywhere and we eat all the time. Being healthy is not the norm..diets...binging...extremes are the norms. "Treats" are the norm. "Comforts" are the norm. Hell, among some, surgery and additives are becoming the norm. But just eating right and exercing....not the norm.
But GOD, is it worth it. Everyday, there are obstacles that are in the way (most put there by me! LOL!)..but the more I put one day at a time behind the next day at a time, the better I feel and the more I want to feel like this! The appeal of going back to the way I was eating, the way I was feeling, the desire to have the foods and the things that I was doing is just not there as much. It is incredible. Not to say that there are not desires, and certainly there are days when that elliptical is somethign I would love to see explode as I lay on the couch! LOL!...but I just don't need that life...not now. That picture reminds me of how awkward it felt. I am not that body and I want more and am more than that.
I am grateful today that yesterday I had a great workout of boxing and sprints and even a little running, and last night, when I got some great news, my "celebration" was being with Michael over a piece of fish..not a pound of steak and a baked potato with cheeses and butter followed by a half gallon of ice cream. I had a wonderful time last night and can enjoy more...and be ready for more.
Thanks be to God for this day and the last..and I pray that if I have another..there may be one like this again!
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